You bought a book and paid with your love
by AmikoRoyAi
Summary: Ferid Bathory didn't believe in love. For him relationships were useless and he avoided them at any cost. Everything changed when a certain policeman saved his life. CrowFeri Modern AU with background GureShin, where Ferid works in a bookshop, Crowley is a policeman, Shinya a writer and Guren a chemistry teacher.
1. Chapter 1

This work is AU and everyone here is human (no vampires). CrowFeri is the main pairing but there is also GureShin and a very background Rene/Lacus.

Fic is finished and i will be updating this every Thursday.

Dedicated to Darca, Amai and Twitter church of Ferid.

Lyrics at the begininng are from The Neighbourhood's song - Cry Baby. I'm crazy about this song and it really fits this story.

––––––––

 **Chapter 1**

 _I think I talk too much_

––––––––

 _Hello?_

 _Are you there?_

 _It's me…_

 _You still don't pick up my phones…_

 _Are you okay?_

 _I'm fine…it's hard sometimes but I can live on my own…_

 _I miss you…_

…

 _Why did you left me?_

––––––––

Ferid heard the sound of his alarm clock going off and opened his eyes. He felt his cat's tail touching his face. As always, his pet was lying on his chest, sleeping comfortably.

"Get away from me, Mika, I will be late for work," he said, and the cat only hissed at him.

Ferid got up from his bed and, scratching his back, he looked out the window. It was gloomy and cold - typical autumn weather. He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Another day, another daily routine. Shower, clothes and then breakfast. After this he will probably stop by his favorite coffee shop and order his favorite coffee. Then he will head back to the bookshop he was working at.  
Nothing new.

After putting his long hair into a high ponytail he prepared his breakfast. His cat was walking near his feet, making sounds to catch his attention.

"You have your food in the bowl."

The cat looked at him with his big, blue eyes and Ferid sighed.

"Alright."

He gave him part of his toast and the cat meowed. Ferid smiled at him. He found Mika two years ago when it was raining very hard. He never wanted a pet but when he saw how small and fragile the creature was, he didn't hesitate. The cat was kind of moody and sometimes he scratched Ferid without a reason but still, he loved playing with him.

He wouldn't admit it but he couldn't live without him.

He looked at the clock and got out of his kitchen. He put his coat on and left his apartment. Ferid lived in the city center so he usually went to his work on foot.

He had some spare time, so he stopped at his favorite coffee shop.

 _Time to put his fake smile on_ , he thought.

"Ferid-san, welcome back!"

"Hello, it's good to see you~," he greeted the waitress.

"The usual?"

"You know me so well!~"

The girl smiled and started preparing his coffee. He looked around. There were only few people here in the morning. This place was usually crowded in the afternoon. Ferid sometimes visited this place after work to meet with…

"Oh! I almost forgot! Shinya-san was here a few minutes ago. He said that he finished his newest chapter and he will call you."

Shinya. That annoying guy who was insisting on meeting with him and who called himself 'his friend'. Ferid hated that because he didn't have any friends. He didn't need them. Friends are useless, they're making you weak and pathetic. Friends equaled feelings, and that was something that Ferid really despised.

But coming back to Shinya, he really didn't know why this guy was still bothering him. Their first meeting wasn't a pleasant one.

Shinya is a writer and when he finished writing his book Ferid's workplace invited him to talk about his new novel, and to sign some autographs. Ferid was working back then, when he heard what that guy was talking about. He never was a person who kept his thoughts to himself, so when he heard 'that bullshit' of course he reacted.

" _Shinya-sama, could you tell us more about the relationship between main characters?" the journalist asked, and the young man with silver hair smiled._

" _Of course! I love talking about them. You know, Han had really big problems this time. His work, family, and all secrets from the past coming back to him at the same time. So when he was almost at the verge of breakdown , I thought that relationship with Jeannie would be a good thing. He could have a person who could help him with all these problems. It would make him even stronger, that's what their relationship is about, to help each other to make…"_

" _What a bullshit."_

 _Suddenly everything went quiet and all faces turned back to see a guy with lilac hair and glasses. He was leaning against a bookshelf, with a bored look on his face._

" _I'm sorry?" Shinya looked at him with interest._

" _What you're saying is bullshit. Relationship making people stronger? Why are you saying that? If he was a strong character, like you said, he could have done it alone . That would have made him even stronger because we would see, that he's an independent person who could repair his life by himself. But adding a relationship only showed that he can't do this alone, so he's weak."_

" _FERID!"_

 _Ferid looked to the corner of the room. Krul, his boss, was looking at him. She was angry, very angry, and he knew that she would kill him later. But he couldn't resist. He was always like that - saying things that he thought were right._

" _Oh!" Shinya smiled, and Krul looked at him surprised. "That's really interesting point of view! But you know, I'm a hopeless romantic so I couldn't resist adding the romance to my novel. But I like very much what you said!"_

" _Eh?" Ferid was surprised too. Usually writers started arguing and later on he had to listen to Krul's rambling about how inappropriate his behavior was. She threatened him every time, that if he continued on like that, she would fire him._

 _But Ferid didn't say anything more because Krul took him to her office so Shinya could sign some autographs. That guy was really strange._

 _What was even stranger was that, he came back to their bookstore the next day only to stalk him. Stalk is the best word, because after this Ferid meet him in his favorite café. He really didn't understand this guy. What was even weirder was that, the guy wanted to work with him._

And after that, he started meeting with Shinya. Usually it was Shinya who was talking and Ferid was reading his new chapters. Shinya was probably the first person who listened to him, and what was even more surprising, he took Ferid's words to his heart.

Their relationship was really weird. Shinya called this 'friendship' but Ferid never called Shinya his friend. He was meeting with him just to kill some time. That was what he told himself. But of course he enjoyed their meetings. Unless Shinya started questioning him about his personal life, that guy was really inquisitive.

Usually he asked about his love life because he couldn't believe that Ferid had never been in a relationship before.

Of course he had his 'partners' but usually they were meeting for 2-3 weeks and then they broke up.

" _I told you this is your fault!" Shinya once told him, when they were at the café. Ferid was reading his new chapter at the time._

" _I meet with you to talk about your novel, not my personal life," he said irritated._

" _But that's more interesting~!"_

 _Ferid smiled at him._

" _So can I leave now that you don't need me?~"_

" _No, no, wait!" Shinya panicked and Ferid laughed. This guy is so stupid._

" _But really, didn't you think about staying with someone longer?"_

 _Five seconds. That's how long Shinya kept his mouth closed._

" _I told you. Love is not something I need. Besides, I'm okay with my life. I can enjoy my time without drama and other relationship's crap."_

 _Shinya took a sip of his coffee and looked through the window._

" _But you know, you're young now but everybody want to have someone in their life later on."_

 _Ferid stopped reading. For a moment he thought about his younger days. Back to high school. Back to the time when everything had started. He sighed._

" _It's not your business," he said in his playful tone, but Shinya didn't change the subject._

" _You told me once that you had been rejected by someone. That was a long time ago, you should forget about that…"_

" _Said person who didn't confess his feelings yet."_

 _Shinya immediately went all red and Ferid smirked. He has learned over time how to shut this guy's mouth._

" _Well, at least I have someone!"_

" _Can we go back to your novel? Or you will have to edit it alone."_

Shinya didn't know everything about him because Ferid didn't like to open up to strangers. Although they knew each other for 8 months, he still didn't trust him.

"Here's your coffee!"

The girl handed the cup to Ferid and he paid. He took a sip and went to his workplace. He hoped that it won't rain because he forgot his umbrella.

He never liked rain because it reminded him of the past, and he became melancholic when it was raining. He hated himself in this state. He needed to stay himself.

He worked in Krul's bookstore for five years now. Their relationship was a strange one. She was always yelling at him, yet she never fired him. He might be arrogant and mean, yet every time a customer walks in to their shop, Ferid always helps with finding the right book. The writers and his co-workers complained about him sometimes, but customers always adored his person. He had read tons of books so he knew most of them, and that knowledge helped him what choosing a perfect book for each customer.

"Hello everybody!~" he greeted everyone cheerfully.

A girl with purple hair looked at him and he could swear that she murmured "go die".

"Oh! Chess! Nice to see you too!~" Said girl only sent him an angry look, so he added " Do you have a date tonight?"

"WHAT?!" She dropped the books she was carrying, and blushed very hard. "Why are you saying this?!"

Ferid smirked and gave her a long glance.

"Well, you dressed today slightly better than usually."

Oh, he loved teasing her. In one second she went from blushing to cursing under her nose.

"Slightly better?! And you! You look…" She looked at him. He was wearing black, skinny jeans with red loose sweater and a gray, loosely wrapped scarf around his neck. " You look…like… a model…argh! Go die, Bathory!"

She yelled and he laughed.

"Oh, Chess! I love you too~," he said playfully and, laughing, he went to their common room to leave his coat there.

"BATHORY!"

Oh, he knew this voice.

"Yes, Krul, dear?~" He gazed at the upper floor where Krul's office was.

"I want to see you in my office immediately! "

He nodded.

 _She doesn't sound happy_ , he thought. But did she ever was happy?

"Good morning."

Ferid opened the door and a dark haired boy greeted him.

"Oh, good morning René! How is your day?"

But the boy didn't answer. He wasn't a talkative person and the bags under his eyes scared almost every customer so he usually worked on the back. The only thing Ferid knew was that, René has a boyfriend called Lacus and that he works as a police officer. And that was only because he visited them once, not because René told them.

But Ferid liked him. Because, despite the fact that he wasn't talkative, he was smart when he finally opened his mouth. He just didn't talk crap like Chess.

After hanging his coat, he took the reading glasses out of his bag. He wore them only at work to protect his eyesight when he was reading or working on the computer.

He headed to Krul's office while humming. Chess, like always, sent him a death glare.

"I'm here!"

He opened the door. Young woman was working on her computer. She had pink hair and petite physique. But despite her appearance she was older than Ferid.

"Sit Bathory."

"Kind as always!"

She glared at him and then sighed.

"You know that today we will have another guest. Atsushi Tamahiko is coming this night to promote his new book."

"Of course I know about this. I hanged his posters all around our shop. What's the real reason for you calling me here?"

She stopped writing and crossed her arms on her chest.

"This is a really important guest and if he will spread a good word about our bookshop we could become more famous." She stood up and came up to him. He was wearing his irritating smile and Krul wanted to punch him as always. "But if you start talking crap like you always do he can get angry and we won't get any recognition!"

"Oh! Krul, dearie, you hurt my feelings!" He put a hand on his heart pretending to be hurt ,and she only angrily hit her desk with a hand.

"Bathory! Not everyone is crazy like your Hiiragi friend!"

"He's not my frien-"

"I DON'T CARE JUST BE QUIET TODAY OR I WILL FIRE YOU!"

"We both know that you won't do that," he said that while smiling, but he knew he was walking on thin ice, so when he saw that she went all read he put his hands in the air in his defense.

"BATH-"

"All right, all right~! I will behave! I will work on the back with René if you don't want to see my face."

He winked and Krul sighed.

He will be the death of her but like he said, she won't fire him. He was too valuable, and since he was a book nerd he was a good employee. But his character! If he changed his attitude she wouldn't have a heart attack every day.

"This isn't funny! Now go back to your work. The writer will come at 6 pm."

"Yes, yes!"

He waved his hand and closed the door. Krul always yelled at him but that's how their relationship worked. It was better this way. She wasn't his friend, yet she wasn't his enemy either. Perfect.

He went to a cash register and started preparing for his work. He looked again at the poster with Atsushi Tamahiko's photo. He was a good looking guy with brown, short hair. That's why Chess was looking better today.

"Chess, do you have a crush on Atsushi Tamahiko?"he asked her playfully.

"Shut up, Bathory!" she yelled from behind one of the bookshelves, and he laughed.

"Awww but that's so cute!"

"A-at least I have someone! Not like you… you lonely loser!"

"Ouch! You hurt my feelings!"

"You don't have them!"

He shook his head. Sometimes his short-time partners visited him at work but he didn't like it. He was meeting with them to enjoy himself – being together in public was simply irritating. It's like they wanted to shout to everyone "Hey, look at us, WE'RE DAITING!", which wasn't true because he didn't date anyone.

Chess usually was making fun of his short-time so called 'relationships', so he always teased her in return that she didn't have a boyfriend, and she usually went all mad and cursed him. Stupid girl.

He was working on his computer and from time to time he helped customers with books. Few new titles came to their shop, and a lot of people came to ask about tonight's meeting with the famous author. Ferid personally didn't like Tamahiko's works. Even that white haired idiot was better than him -he would have never admitted that out loud-, but he had a lot of fangirls because of his appearance. And of course he was writing romance. Ugh.

That was the reason why he should stay at the back with René. Even that silent boy was a more enjoyable company than a playboy writer.

He looked at the clock. It was a lunch time and he felt like he could eat something. Then the door opened.

"Oh! Ferid! Nice to see you!"

 _The fool came_ , he thought.

"It's too bad I can't say the same~"

Shinya was wearing a gray coat and a blue scarf that matched his eyes. He pretended to be hurt but then put a goofy smile on his face.

"I thought you got my message that I will call you."

"Call me, not visit. There is a difference."

"I know, but I wanted to give you this chapter personally! I also thought we could eat lunch together!"

Ferid looked at him suspiciously and put his hands on his hips.

"Lunch? Together? Eh~ That's so weird! You usually eat with your crush-friend."

Shinya sighed and leaned against a bookshelf.

"He's busy with work. So I thought we could eat together!"

"So I'm your second choice then? I would be hurt if we were friends."

"Now you're hurting my feelings! Of course you're my friend! That's why we should eat together!"

"You win this time. But you're paying."

Ferid winked and then went for his coat. Shinya stared at him.

"What?! But I don't have much money!"

Ferid turned back and faked a sad face.

"And I'm a poor bookseller. But fine I will eat alone then."

"Wait!"

––––––––

Ferid stared at the pages while he was eating his salad. Shinya was talking something about his best friend and how he ignored him these days but Ferid really didn't care, so he nodded his head from time to time, pretending to be listening.

"That idiot. I helped him after his girlfriend broke up with him and now he's ignoring me because of work. I should have ignored him back then!"

"But you didn't because you are hopelessly in love," said Ferid without even looking at Shinya. He knew the man probably blushed a little bit, and he heard him sighing.

"Maybe you're right. Speaking of which, how's that tall, dark haired guy you were meeting with?"

"Oh, him? We are no longer meeting each other," he said playfully, while putting Shinya's work on the table and getting back to eating. Shinya stared at him and then he shook his head.

"But I thought you liked him?"

"Nah, he was good in bed but he was really boring so I cut ties with him~"

"Oh my God, I can't believe it. You will really be alone."

 _Not this talk again_ , Ferid thought. It wasn't Shinya's fault thou. He didn't know everything about him. Maybe if he knew he would have left this topic, but Ferid would rather die than open himself to this idiot.

"Shinya." White haired guy looked at him. He knew that when Ferid called him by his name, not by 'idiot' or something like that, he was irritated. And that didn't happen very often.

"You're saying things like that but you are not better. You're talking about your friend that you love very much, but I recall you didn't confess your feelings yet. And he had a girlfriend so he probably is out of your league. So what's the difference between us? You're alone too because you love a guy who will probably never love you back."

Did he went too far? He probably did. But he couldn't do anything about it. He was like that.

Shinya only stared at him stupidly.

 _Come on, say something stupid idiot_ , Ferid thought.

And then Shinya laughed. Ferid exhaled. Drama avoided.

"Haha, you're right Ferid! I'm hopelessly in love with a guy who only sees me as a friend. And that makes me lonely, but what I'm trying to do for you is to avoid a path like mine. Yes, I love him, and I'm grateful for that feeling. But despite the fact that I have friends I'm lonely and I don't want the same thing for you. So you must meet someone and be happy so you won't be an idiot like me."

 _What the hell_ , thought Ferid. What was this guy talking about? Is this what it was like to have a friend? Who is caring about you? Who thinks about you? Who doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Who acknowledges them?

He squeezed his hand. He couldn't give in to this feeling. He must cut this crap, friendship talk immediately. He grunted.

"It's late and soon we'll have prepare our shop for our guest."

Shinya stared at him and then he nodded. Ferid stood up and put his coat on. He left money on the table and headed for the doors.

"Hey, Ferid?"

He looked back at Shinya.

"You don't hate me…right?"

Ferid rolled his eyes.

"If I hated you, would I take your stupid chapter with me? Think for once~."

And then he left.

This guy really irritated him. Too many unnecessary thoughts.

––––––––

The bookstore was really crowded. So many young girls came, excited about meeting Tamahiko. Ferid greeted them but Krul's death glare informed him that he should go back to René because the author will soon appear.

He put his glasses back on and started working on filing books.

René was working quietly and the only sound they could hear was girls' excited voices. Soon an applause reached their ears. The playboy writer probably arrived.

"I wish I could tell him what I'm thinking about his new novel~," Ferid complained, and René stared at him.

"Krul would kill you."

"Eh, you're right René. Nobody wants to see an angry Krul. She would get wrinkles!"

He chuckled and went back to work. The author started talking and another round of applause reached their room.

"Because you know, love is really important!"

 _Oh please, can I punch this guy_ , Ferid thought, making disgusted sound. He should have put his earphones on, so he could listen to some music instead. Everything was better than this crap.

"It makes your heart explode with positive feelings!"

Where does this guy live? In dreamland? Did he even learn anything about life?

Relationship this, relationship that, why people needed them?

It's not like Ferid was like that from the beginning. He fell in love once, or rather, he thought it was love. But what he got in exchange wasn't a fluttering heart or butterflies in his stomach. It was more like someone punched him in the gut really hard.

" _It's not like we're friends. I don't need you anymore, so we should all go our separate ways. I still don't like you, Bathory."_

That was what he received for his kindness and help. So he won't listen to all this crap about how wonderful love is. Love makes you attached to someone and when that person breaks your heart, it only makes you miserable. He felt that once. He didn't want to feel like that ever again.

"EVERYBODY STAND BACK! THIS BASTARD IS MINE!"

Okay, that didn't sound like a handsome douche Tamahiko. Did he misheard?

He looked at René to see if he heard it too. He looked at him a little surprised.

Then they heard screams.

Okay, that was weird.

"Stay here, I will look at it," Ferid said.

He carefully opened the door and looked around the shop. Scared girls were sitting under one of the bookshelves and the author looked as if he saw a ghost. In the center there was a guy in the black hoodie with a gun. He was pointing at Tamahiko while shouting something about his girlfriend that cheated on him with Tamahiko.

Great, that was what they needed. Now they would be really famous. Krul will be delighted. Or probably not.

"SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLE!"

He fired into the celling and the girls screamed.

Okay, that was dangerous. This guy was a psycho.

Ferid looked around. Where the hell were that author's bodyguards? Shinya didn't had his own when he was in their shop selling his books and most of the authors didn't have them but isn't this guy famous?

Krul was in the corner, holding crying Chess, and she looked at him with her eyes saying 'do something'. But what could he do?

He looked back. René observed the situation while texting.

Right, his boyfriend was a cop. So now they only needed to wait.

Ferid hid behind a bookshelf and watched closely as the situation unfolded.

Daily routine, yeah right. And he thought that this would be a normal day.

"We should talk, stop waving the gun around! You're only scaring people!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

The psycho man pointed again at the writer, and that douche did something that really irritated Ferid. He took Krul by her arm and then he shielded himself with her. It's not that Ferid cared but if Krul lost her life here then he would loose his job, and he really loved it.

Where the hell were cops?!

"RELASE HER! IT'S ME AND YOU!"

"YEAH LET GO OF ME YOU ASSHOLE!"

Krul was really angry and she was trying to get away from the Tamahiko but he was stronger than her.

"Stay where you are or he will kill us!"

"He only wants you not me! Put me down!"

The situation was hopeless. And the fact that Chess was looking at him like she was begging him to help them irritated him most. But what he could do?

The hooded man was standing in the center of the shop – his back to Ferid - so he couldn't see him.

He could sneak up behind him and knock him down, but will he take the risk? That psycho could kill him in a second and Ferid liked his life. Too young and pretty to die in a place like that!

But he couldn't leave it like that.

He came a little bit closer to the man. If he succeeds he should ask for a pay rise. And a big one at that!

"I'm counting to three! If you don't let go of that woman I will kill both of you!"

He was right behind the guy when that happened.

One girl.

One fucking girl spotted him and shouted 'SAVE US!'

In an instant, the guy turned around and fired. Fortunately, Ferid hid himself in time behind one of the bookshelves.

"I know you're there! Come out!"

Shit.

"Ha ha! You spotted me! Too bad, I thought I will be a hero and save everyone."

There was no point of hiding, so Ferid came out and stood in front of the man. He looked young but his angry face really aged him. He was pointing his gun at Ferid now, so he put his hands in the air in defense.

"But you didn't, so now go to that wall and wait patiently till I kill this douchebag!"

Tamahiko whined and Ferid sent him a bored look.

"Okay, I understand that you want to kill him, but why should you bother all of us? You know we don't give a crap about your life?"

"What the hell are you saying , Ferid!" Krul groaned, but he only spared her a glance. He hoped that she will understand what he was doing. That he was stalling for time till the cops come.

Seriously, how long should they wait?

"I'm saying that this guy could have waited after the event and then kill this playboy. Seriously, why did you do all this drama?"

The guy looked at him as if he was crazy. Well, he was right. What he was doing right now was crazy and stupid, but there was no turning back.

"Because I wanted for him to suffer! Why should I watch him enjoy his life and success when he stole my girlfriend?! I loved her!"

Oh god, why everything must be about relationships? And that's why he wasn't in one, to avoid situations like this. Well, maybe not as dramatic as this one but he was fed up with arguments and all this crap about trust.

"But unfortunately your girlfriend didn't love you back and went to bed with that douchebag. You just have a bad taste in women."

And that's when he realized that he might have went too far.

Everything that happened after was just like they showed in the movies – it became quiet and he could see people moving in slow motion.

The man suddenly became very angry. He shouted but, at the same moment, some other men shouted too, something like 'POLICE'.

 _Finally_ , he thought.

But the man didn't took his gun off Ferid. He fired.

The bullet went straight at him.

He should have died .

But he didn't.

Strong arms wrapped around him and knocked him down.

The bullet only scratched his arm, but it wasn't fatal.

He felt the pain both from his injured arm and from the impact when he hit the floor. He didn't know when he closed his eyes but when he opened them again he saw a figure on top of him.

"Are you all right?!"

The voice belonged to a man. Ferid blinked, disoriented.

"Fuck, we should have taken action earlier. Guys, did you get that guy?!"

"We knocked him down, we will take him to the police station," the feminine voice answered.

Ferid blinked once again. He was alive. Only his arm was in pain but it was bearable. But what was more important was that, someone was holding him in his arms. It was a man, very masculine, with red hair and a black braid.

"I'm sorry sir that I didn't save you earlier. We didn't knew that you will take action. I will take you to the hospital right now."

That guy was really close to him, he could feel his breath on his skin.

He was also very handsome.

Did his heart skip a beat?

––––––––

Hi if you're reading this then congratulations, you finished the first chapter XDD

When I was thinking about this AU I wasn't planning to write this because I've never in my life wrote a fanfic in english but my friend encouraged me to write this and here it is :D

I wanted to write something about Ferid and Crowley because I love these two and this ship deserves more love! and a modern AU :D Also I decided to experiment a little with friendship between Ferid and Shinya and in the end I fell in love with their bro-relationship XD You usually don't see them as friends, so I hope you will like my crazy idea :D

More CrowFeri interactions will come soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _I need to listen, baby_

––––––––

"Sir? Can you stand up?"

Red haired man asked him, and he only blinked in confusion. Then he regained his senses and tried to stand up.

"Yeah. I'm just a little bit dizzy," Ferid said and the man grabbed his arm.

"You're bleeding. Try not to move too much. Hey Horn, where is the ambulance?"

"We didn't call them because that idiot ran out of the police station like crazy saying that his boyfriend is in danger, and I only notified our station."

Blond haired girl answered while she was putting handcuffs on the man that attacked them. Lacus was shouting René's name and when he came out, he almost crushed him in hug.

"I'm working with idiots," Policeman sighed and Ferid chuckled.

"I know that feeling."

Policeman looked at him curiously. Then more cops came and they took that psycho man away, which left Ferid with Krul and other frightened girls that wanted to talk with him.

"Ferid! You idiot! What the hell were you thinking?!"

Krul came up to them and looked at Ferid's bleeding arm.

"No need to thank me. I knew René called cops so I was stalling for time."

"By irritating him even more?! You-!"

"Lady, I know you want to talk to him but he's bleeding, and needs his injury to be taken care of."

Krul only sighed, irritated, and waved her hand.

"Fine, we will talk later. Take him out of my sight."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me~!"

But Ferid didn't hear Krul's reply as he left the shop.

The policeman came up to Ferid and touched his scarf.

"May I?"

Ferid nodded. It was already stained with blood anyway. The policeman wrapped his scarf around his injured arm and then they went to one of the police cars.

He opened the door for Ferid.

 _What a gentlemen_ , Ferid thought and sent a smile to the handsome policeman.

"So…you like to play a hero?" the man asked and Ferid only snorted.

"Of course not. I just stalled for time so you could come and fix this mess."

There was no traffic on the streets so they were driving quickly. Ferid's arm wasn't in much pain and he was glad that it was only a scratch.

"Oh! I didn't thank you for saving me." Ferid looked at the man who only smiled.

"Don't mention it. It was my job, besides, I fucked up. You shouldn't have been injured in the first place but we acted too late. We didn't know that you will try to play an awful mediator."

"Ouch! I wasn't awful! I was just speaking the truth!"

"And that's why you aren't a mediator."

Ferid admitted that he liked that man's thinking. He definitely wanted to know more about him.

"Maybe~…But what can I say. I'm always like that - saying things that I have on my mind."

The policeman stopped the car. They were finally at the hospital. Once again he opened the door for Ferid and Ferid thanked him.

"Then you should be careful next time. There won't be always someone to save you ."

They were walking next to each other. The weather was a little bit chilly and Ferid realized that he left his coat at the shop. Great, he hoped that he won't get sic.

They went inside. It was late and there were only few people at the hospital.

The policeman went to see a nurse and she immediately called for a doctor.

"You can go home now, you know?" Ferid said to a man, and he only smiled a little bit.

"I will, after I drive you safe to your house."

"Oh, are you worried that I will get myself in trouble again on my way home? I'm touched~."

The man smiled even more and Ferid looked at him playfully. That day went from boring, to what the hell is wrong with people, to enjoyable evening. What a crazy life!

"Like I said, I feel responsible for your injury and I want to know that you will safely get home. And like you said, you like to say things without thinking, so you will probably do something troubling again."

"Oh, no, no! Not without thinking! I'm saying what I consider appropriate!"

"Oh, really? Saying to a man with a gun that he's got a bad taste in women was a really appropriate thing."

"But I was saying the truth! You can't lie~."

The policeman didn't have a chance to reply as the doctor finally came and Ferid went with him.

"I will wait for you here," the man said, and Ferid waved to him with his uninjured hand.

––––––––

Two stiches and a bag of painkillers. The wound wasn't infected but his scarf was destroyed. What a pity, he liked it.

He couldn't carry heavy objects for a week, so he will probably have to work at the cash register for the time being. Krul would be pissed if he suddenly took a time off from work.

After taking painkillers his wound stopped aching. He hoped that he will be able to sleep well at night.

Then he saw the handsome policeman in the hallway.

"You really waited for me."

The policeman smiled.

"I don't break my promises. Shall we go?"

Ferid nodded and went after him.

"Is it really bad?" the man pointed to his hand.

"No. Only two stiches, I will be okay after a week or two. Painkillers helped a lot." Ferid waved his bag with medication to emphasise his statement, and then he sat in the car.

"So, where do you live?"

Ferid told him his address and then they started driving. For a moment they drove in silence but then the man asked him, "I was wondering. The words you said back then… "

"Oh, let's stop talking about that stupid argument. regarding relationships. Relationships are crap."

Ferid only rolled his eyes.

"Crap? So you hate stuff like that?"

Ferid looked through the window. They were halfway to his apartment, and he wished he lived further from the hospital.

"I just don't like them. All that things concerning trust. Humans say without thinking that they won't leave you, hurt you. But they do it anyway, so I don't see a point to relationships. 'We should trust each other' and then the other person cheats on you anyway. So yeah, I find it pointless so I'm avoiding stuff like that."

For a moment there was a silence and then the man sighed.

"Man…why do I get the feeling that you were hurt by someone in the past?"

Ferid's eyes widened. For the first time he heard such an answer. All people told him that he was crazy, or interesting, but the later was said by Shinya and he was an idiot so it didn't count, but never has anyone considered him to have been hurt by someone.

To be honest, the man was right, yet he was a stranger. He already said too much.

"Woah, what's this atmosphere? And it was so nice. Oh, this is my place!"

The car stopped and Ferid opened the door by himself. He started walking to his apartment when he heard a voice.

"Wait!"

He turned around and the policeman was still standing near his car, looking at him curiously.

"You didn't tell me your name."

And when Ferid thought that this was the end of their encounter he was surprised by the man once again. The man in front of him was very handsome and Ferid was really attracted to him. There was something that made Ferid want to know more about him.

Ferid smiled at him.

"Ferid Bathory. And you?"

"Crowley Eusford. It was nice meeting you Ferid, I hope we will see each other some other time."

"I hope so too," said Ferid, and then he went to his apartment smiling to himself. What a crazy day.

––––––––

"So that's why you didn't call me. Geez, you should have told me that there was an attack at your bookshop! I heard some information in the news, are you okay?"

Shinya was cooking and talking on the phone with Ferid. Yesterday he tried to call Ferid all evening but the man didn't answer, and when he saw the news this morning, he was really worried.

" _Shinya, I'm telling you this again. I'm fine, it's just a scratch, and yesterday I was just tired so I didn't have the strength to call you back."_

The voice sounded irritated but Shinya was used to this. He knew that when Ferid was irritated he was probably just tired.

"But you should write at least that you are fine!"

" _If I wrote to you that I was nearly shot would you be calm? No, you would have probably called me even more so. Just give me a break. I will meet you later. I have work."_

"Wait! Did you read my chapter?"

" _Yeah, boring as always~."_

And then he hung up. Shinya looked at the phone and sighed. That man was sometimes so selfish. Of course he was worried! He was his friend, even if Ferid was saying that he hated him, he knew that he was lying.

He wasn't meeting with him because of his books but because he really enjoyed his company.

After Guren he was the closest person to him.

Speaking of Guren, he heard the door opening and he smiled to himself.

"Oh! Look who remembered where he lives!"

He heard a grunt and looked at the entrance to the kitchen. The man with the dark hair entered the room and he looked very tired.

"Give me a break Shinya, it was a really long night."

"Ooh, let me guess, you found some hot girl in the bar and decided to spend a night with her?" he teased him, even if his words hurt him.

"Shut up, idiot! Of course not! We had a very important exam at school. I stayed at Goshi's place and we were reading student's stupid works. I don't know what's wrong with kids these days but they are getting dumber witch each passing year.

Shinya chuckled and went back to cooking. Guren was sitting in a chair and he was drinking a glass of water.

Guren was a teacher, so was Goshi, and he always complained about his students when he was at home, but Shinya knew that Guren loved his job.

When Guren broke up with Mahiru he was devastated. Not only did she cheat on him with another guy, but she also left without saying a goodbye, or a reason why she did it. Guren couldn't live in their apartment because everything there reminded him of their life. So he sold it. Shinya couldn't leave his best friend like that so he invited him to live with him. Guren was saying that he will find his own place but first he must earn some money. But Shinya didn't mind. He liked his company.

"And how's my little sister?"

"Shinoa? Don't even start with her. She and that brat Yuu are giving me heart attack every lesson. I can't stand their arguing!"

"Aah, being young is so nice!"

Guren finally looked at Shinya.

"So what are you cooking?"

"Curry!"

Guren smiled. He loved curry.

"I was in a hurry to prepare it because I have a meeting later!"

"Date? Or are you meeting with your mysterious friend again?"

Shinya laughed while he was putting curry on the plates, which he then put on the table, and sat across from Guren.

"With a friend. He said he has read my new chapter."

"Sometimes I start thinking that you're dating that guy but you don't want to tell me the truth."

Shinya looked at Guren and then he started laughing.

"What? Why is this so funny to you?"

"Because…me and him? No, that's not possible. We are too similar to be together. Besides, I enjoy his company as a friend."

Guren looked at him confused.

"Too similar? But that's good. Seriously, sometimes I really don't understand you."

But Shinya only laughed again and went back to eating

 _Because both Ferid and I are too broken and we need someone strong to repair us again_ , he thought.

––––––––

Ferid was sitting in Krul's office. She was looking angrily at him and he was smiling as always.

"So what do you want Krul, dear?" he said with his playful tone and she only sighed irritated.

"You know what I want, Bathory! I told you not to say stupid thing! And you did it anyway!"

"But dearie, you forbid me to talk with the writer, not with a psycho man with a gun."

She grimaced and then she rolled her eyes.

"I won't fire you, you asshole, because I still need you. But what you did yesterday was stupid. He could have killed you."

"Oh! So you were worried about me!"

"Of course not! If you were killed here, it would be a mess! Police would investigate the place, and then I would have to find a new employee."

 _Funny that we have the same priorities_ , he thought.

"Fine, fine! I believe you, my dear boss. But how's it going with our promotion?"

She snorted and then she gave him a newspaper.

"He wrote more about himself than our bookshop, but he didn't write anything bad about us. Only that he's sorry that his fans saw him in that awful situation. He claims that he doesn't know that crazy man. But that's not important."

Ferid looked at the photo of Tamahiko. He hoped that he won't see him in the future.

"But seeing how many people are here I think that he did his job."

"Yeah, people are coming here just to see a 'crime scene' where Tamahiko got almost killed. Also few girls came here to ask about you and how are you feeling. For once in your life you have fans, Bathory."

He smiled.

 _I hope that bitch who screamed didn't come_ , he thought.

"What can I say, people love me~!"

"Yeah, dream on. But…your arm. Can you work?"

"So you are worried?"

She sent him a death glare and he only laughed. Oh, he loved teasing her.

"I can work at register. I have stiches but I will be fine next week."

"Good, because I know that you are more annoying when you are bored. Now get out, I am done talking to you."

He waved his hand and left her office.

He looked at the shop. There were a lot of people so he went straight to the register.

"Bathory! You're still alive?"

He knew that annoying voice.

"Oh, Chess! Good to see you too, were you worried about me?"

The girl was standing near cash register with some books. She was looking angrily at him, as always, and he smiled at her when he was passing her by.

"Of course not, you asshole!"

"My dear! Language please! There are people here!"

She went all red and he smiled even more.

"But just to keep your mind at ease, I'm okay, just stiches, I will be well soon!"

"Tch, I don't care…just…stop talking without thinking, idiot!"

He looked at her curiously. Oh, so she was worried? That's cute!

"Hey Chess, come here and help me."

René called Chess and she went to him. The boy looked at Ferid.

"Glad to see you are okay. You left your coat yesterday," he said in a low voice, and went with Chess to the back. What a crazy bunch.

But Ferid didn't have time to pay them attention because clients came to pay for their books. He put his glasses on. Time for work.

Few hours later he looked at his phone. Shinya sent him a message about meeting in his favorite café. After his work was over, Ferid went to meet with Shinya.

––––––––

"So, how's your arm?"

Ferid looked at Shinya annoyed. Of course his self-proclaimed friend wanted to meet with him to talk about Ferid's life and not about the book.

"I thought you wanted to know my opinion about your chapter not about my personal life, but I should have expected it."

Shinya laughed, his laughter too annoying for Ferid's liking, and then he looked at Ferid's notes.

"Of course, but I was just worried. For a moment I thought they have killed you!"

"Killed? Me? Oh, sorry, I'm too young and beautiful too die in a place like this."

Ferid smiled and Shinya rolled his eyes. Of course Ferid was playing with him as always.

"But what happened?"

Ferid sighed and decided that it's better to tell him now or else Shinya will bother him till his death.

"Fine, I will tell you. We had a meeting with that douchebag at our bookshop…"

"You mean Tamahiko?"

"Yeah, that douchebag. Anyway, I was working at the back when I heard some screams. Some crazy guy came in and he said that his girl cheated on him with Tamahiko. You know, relationship drama, but more tragic because he had a gun."

Shinya stared at him curiously waiting for more information.

"I decided to take a look and René, you know, that guy I'm working with, called his cop-boyfriend so I knew the cops were on their way. But they were taking forever and Tamahiko shielded himself with Krul, so I decided to do something."

"Oh! So you were worried about your boss! How cute of you!"

Shinya smiled but Ferid looked at him with the most fake smile ever. Shinya shivered.

"Of course not~! Think about it, if she was dead, where would I work? I like my job. So I wanted to knock him down because he didn't see me, but at the same time, one, stupid girl screamed 'Save us!' and he saw me. I thought he would kill me but I'm fit, so I hid behind the bookshelves in time. But there was no point in hiding, so I started talking with him, waiting for the cops to come. But I think I went too far, because he wanted to shoot me-"

"WHAT?! What did you say to him?!"

Shinya shouted and stared at him with big eyes. He was so noisy sometimes. Some people looked at them and Ferid only smiled at them with his fake smile.

"Be quiet or I won't tell you the rest of the story."

"Okay, but seriously, what did you say?"

Ferid sighed.

"I only told him that he has a bad taste in women and-"

"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU STUPID?!"

He was shouting again. Ferid wanted to punch this idiot for making such a show. He sent him another of his 'death smiles' and Shinya went quiet again.

"I told him the truth. He was making all that drama in our bookshop. He could have waited after the douchebag's meeting."

"But he could have killed you! You don't say harsh things to a person who is pointing a gun at you!"

Maybe Shinya was right. He might have went too far but that situation really irritated him. Too much mess and drama.

"Well, but he didn't, the cops came and one of them knocked me down and saved me in time. Well, maybe not in time because the bullet scratched me, but better my hand than my heart."

Shinya looked like he would scream again but one glare was enough for him to go quiet again and listen patiently.

"Then we had a reeeally nice chat. He gave me a ride to the hospital because he was feeling guilty about my wound-"

"Wait a second!"

There it was. That exciting look on Shinya's face. Ferid realized that he shouldn't have told Shinya about Crowley, because his eyes started shying and his mind was probably filled with millions of stupid ideas at the moment.

"So in the end you met a nice guy, right?"

Ferid smiled playfully. Well, Crowley was a nice guy. And handsome to boot.

"Well, like I said, we had a nice talk in the hospital and he even gave me a lift back to my apartment."

"Sooo what was like he? Because what you told me earlier was really interesting, I think I will use this in my new book, but this! You have met someone! Tell me more!"

"And why should I do this?"

Shinya was staring at him, almost begging with his eyes to tell him more, and Ferid knew that if he didn't tell him about Crowley, Shinya would be nagging him about this every day.

"Fine. His name is Crowley and he's a cop. He's taller than me and he is very manly. I really enjoyed talking with him and he seems quite intelligent."

"Sooo, you are interested in him?"

Shinya smiled playfully and Ferid only stared through the window.

"Well, he was attractive. And you know, he's a cop. That's sexy. Handcuffs and stuff like that… Maybe he's good in bed."

Shinya facepalmed himself and shook his head.

"You kinky bastard, you're only interested in him because he's handsome and he's a cop?"

"Yes~!"

 _No_ , he though at the same time. He was lying, but he saved that to himself. There was something about Crowley that made him think of him for the whole night, and it wasn't only his appearance. He knew him for what, like an hour? Yet he was still on his mind. Too bad he didn't take his phone number.

"Okay, let's look at my chapter then, because I don't want to hear about your adventures in bed."

"Oh? So I finally made you shut your mouth! Thank you, now I know what to do in the future~!" he said playfully and Shinya only groaned.

Ferid started talking to Shinya about his new chapter. To be honest it was pretty good and Ferid saw that Shinya improved a lot. Still, he didn't understand why he hasn't met with his editor to talk about his book, but Shinya was weird.

After a few moments a waitress came up to them and she set a cup of coffee with a cream and a toffee syrup on top in front of Ferid.

"I'm sorry, miss, I didn't order this," he said a little bit surprised.

"Oh, it's from that man. He ordered this for you."

Ferid stared at her stunned and then he turned his head. He was even more shocked when he saw who was standing near the cash register.

Crowley Eusford.

He was still in his uniform, so he was probably on duty.

He paid for his coffee and then, when he saw Ferid, he smiled a little bit and waved to him. Ferid was so taken-aback that he didn't even wave back, and before he could do anything, Crowley left the café.

"Okay, so are you going to tell me who was that?"

He heard Shinya's voice but he was still staring at the door.

"That was Crowley."

––––––––

Here is some more CrowFeri flirting and I hope you liked this chapter :D Also finally some GureShin :DD

Don't hesitate to leave some comments (don't worry, I won't abandon this fic because it's finished) but still your opinion really matters to me 3

Also if you have some questions or you just want to talk about CrowFeri you can visit my tumbrl. My nick is AmikoRoyAi.

So see you next Thursday! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _How I look, what I do, what I'm sayin'_

––––––––

Guren closed his textbook. The kids were leaving his class and he looked at them, bored.

"Yuuichiro, where are you going?"

A boy with dark hair suddenly stopped and looked at Guren with scared eyes.

"Home, you know-"

"Don't play dumb! Oh wait, you are dumb. Clean the mess you made earlier! And don't even think about escaping!"

He heard boy cursing something under his nose as he turned around.

"Do you want to stay longer, brat?"

"No sir, I will clean this."

Shinoa took her bag and she giggled while she was leaving the class. These two, Guren sometimes wanted to punch them. But he couldn't because he was a teacher.

In the center of the lab there were some broken tubes, because in the middle of their chemistry class Yuu started arguing with Kimuzuki. Or was it Shinoa? Guren couldn't remember because it was always Yuu's fault, so there was no point in remembering with whom he was arguing.

Every time he starts a lesson with this class he's praying that these idiot's won't blow up the room. Being a chemistry teacher was hard.

"I finished," the boy said while he was taking his bag.

"Good, and don't even think about breaking them again because I will tell your parents, and they will have to pay for them."

"ALRIGHT I UNDERSTAND! I will behave."

And he left the classroom. Guren sighed.

Then he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked at it.

Shinya was calling.

Of course it was Shinya, who else would be bothering him at this early hour.

"Yes?" he answered.

" _Oh, Guren! You picked! I thought you were still having lesson!"_

"And you still called me. Seriously are you an idiot?" He heard him laughing on the other side. "So what do you want?"

" _Remember that movie we were talking about yesterday?"_

"Yeah"

He picked his things and closed the lab.

" _So I checked some cinemas and they are playing this movie in one of them! But it's at 9 PM so I'm asking you if you are free tonight?"_

Guren was walking through the corridor. Some of the students greeted him and he only nodded to them. He went to a teacher's longue to make coffee.

"Well…I don't have any plans…"

" _Great! So I will call them to book tickets."_

Guren sighed. Well, better this than another night with some marking tests because some student are too stupid to pass exams on the first try.

"All right…"

" _Ah! Before I forget. I won't make dinner today because I'm working. I have so many ideas right now and I really have to write them down-"_

He opened the door and put his things on the desk.

"Okay I will eat something out. Thanks for letting me know."

And then he hung up.

"Oh, did your wife just call you?"

Goshi looked at him from his spot and Guren glared at him.

"Not my wife you idiot, it was Shinya."

"That's what I meant, your wife!"

Goshi started laughing but Guren threw a book at him and Goshi stopped.

"Behave you idiots! You're not the only one in this room!"

Mito was sitting near her desk. She was writing something and Guren apologized to her.

He knew them for a long time, but they were working together just for the past two years, after Mahiru broke up with him. He met them at the university and since then they became close friends. He enjoyed spending time with them but sometimes they were even more irritating than Shinya. Especially Goshi and his stupid talk.

"So what are you two doing tonight?" Goshi asked curiously and Guren only sent him a death glare.

"Not your business, idiot!"

––––––––

Ferid had a really bad morning. It was five days after his accident and his wound didn't hurt much thanks to painkillers, but today his cat decided to sleep on his arm, and when he touched it with his paws, Ferid thought that he would kill him.

Stupid cat, he knew that he was hurt there, yet he decided to hurt him even more. That pet was really strange. Sometimes he was all lovely and 'please scratch me human, play with me' and sometimes he was like the worst demon on earth - scratching and biting without a reason.

Ferid was still working at the cash register and he looked at the clock. Today not many customers came in, so he was a bit bored. He started reading one of the newest books, while he wasn't occupied with work. But he couldn't focus. He was thinking about stupid things.

Like Crowley Eusford.

He didn't see him since Crowley left him shocked with a cup of his favorite coffee in his hands. Shinya was angry at him that he didn't run after him and asked him for his phone number, but it wasn't Ferid's style.

If he did it, he would show that he was desperately craving his attention.

He needs to get his number another way.

He stared at his book again and then he heard a bell. It ringed every time a customer visited their bookshop.

"Welcome," he said without looking at the customer, but then he felt that someone was standing nearby. He slowly looked up.

"How can I help…You."

There he was. Standing in front of him. Crowley Eusford. But not in his uniform. He was wearing a black leather jacket with a dark t-shirt underneath and some jeans. Ferid thought he was hot in his uniform but, damn it, he looked even hotter in his casual clothes if it's possible.

"Are you stalking me?" he asked, and eyed Crowley curiously. And then he saw it, a little blush on Crowley's cheeks who laughed nervously.

"What? No."

Ferid raised his eyebrows and smiled more widely.

"No, really! I need to buy a cooking book and I thought I would buy it here and say hi to you."

"Oh. So, hello Crowley, what book exactly are you looking for?"

He stood up and took off his glasses. He came up to him and realized that Crowley was higher than him by a good, few inches.

"Well, my mother is visiting me this Friday and I wanted to cook something special for her."

"So you can't cook?"

He started walking to a section with cooking books and Crowley went after him.

"No, actually I'm a pretty good cook but like I said, I want to surprise her with something new."

"Sorry, you don't look like that kind of person," Ferid teased him, and Crowley smiled at him.

"Well, I'm glad that I surprised you with this information. "

Oh, this guy, he was really enjoying talking with him. All that playfulness. Not everyone was keeping up with him.

"Here are our books."

Crowley nodded and then he started going through them. Ferid looked at him from the corner of his eye while pretending, that he was rearranging the books.

"So, that day… How did you know that it was my favorite coffee?"

He was really curious about this, so he didn't hesitate to ask him. He needed to know this.

"Oh…Well…I cheated a little bit."

Ferid looked at him with raised eyebrows and Crowley smiled awkwardly.

"I asked the waitress."

"That explains a lot." Ferid chuckled and Crowley sighed.

"What, you thought that I knew?"

"Of course not~. Unless you're are some kind of psychic."

Crowley laughed and he shook his head.

"Unfortunately I'm not." They went quiet for a moment and then Crowley talked again. "So, how's your arm?"

"It's healing well. I was at the hospital yesterday and the doctor said that there won't be even a scar or a scratch left."

"That's good then, that you won't have a scar. It would have been a pity."

Crowley took one of the books and looked at the price.

"I will take this one."

"Follow me then~."

Ferid went to the cash register and sat on the chair. He put his glasses back on.

"So," Crowley pointed at his glasses, "you only wear them at work?"

"Yes, just to protect my eyesight."

Crowley just nodded and Ferid scanned his book. He told him the price and Crowley gave him the cash.

"Thank you…So…See you."

Ferid waved to him while Crowley was going to the exit, but then he stopped.

"Listen, I hope this doesn't sound weird but…What is your phone number?"

Ferid smiled to himself. Bingo.

"Oh man, I thought you will never ask~!"

He chuckled and Crowley smiled too.

"Soo?"

"It's okay, I already wrote it on your bill~."

Crowley opened his book curiously and there it was. He smiled again, shaking his head.

"That was smart, thank you. I will call you then."

And then he left. Ferid was still looking through the window at Crowley's silhouette disappearing in the crowd. He really enjoyed his company.

"So, you have a new boyfriend?" Chess asked him from the back, with an annoying grin on her face.

"Are you jealous because you are forever alone?"

She went all red, as always, and went away cursing under her nose.

––––––––

Guren opened the door to his and Shinya's apartment. It was 6PM and he returned from his dinner with Mito and Goshi. They were loud as always and they talked about their stupid students. They were laughing so hard when Guren told them, that one day Yuu will blow up their school.

"Shinya, I'm home."

Well, that sounded weird. He remembered Goshi's teasing about how he and Sinya are acting like a married couple and he felt the urge to punch him again.

The door to Shinya's room didn't open, so he was probably in his own world again. Shinya was irritating but when he was writing, he was all serious and you could talk to him, but he usually didn't answer.

But Guren was glad that he finally found his calling. When he met Shinya he was studying pharmacology but, although he got really good grades, he didn't like what he was doing. So Guren told him that it's his life and his adopted family shouldn't decide his future.

Back then Shinya only wrote to himself and when Guren read his first novel he couldn't sleep at night because it was that interesting. He remembered how Mahiru was angry at him.

Yeah, because he was still with Mahiru.

He quickly shushed his mind and stupid thoughts. Anyway, he persuaded Shinya to go to some editor and publish his book. When Shinya published his first book, he dropped his studies and cut ties with his adopted family. They didn't care about him at all to be honest.

But after this they blocked his bank account, so Shinya had to earn his own money. It was hard and Guren remember times when he went to Shinya's place to find him passed out because he didn't have any food and he was writing all day. Idiot. He would have probably ended up dead if Guren wasn't there for him.

He still had some time before they had to leave for the movie, so he went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Living with Shinya was crazy but, at the same time, it was a nice feeling. Especially after Mahiru left him.

Again, he was thinking about her.

He splashed some water on his face and decided to work a little after his shower, because Shinya was probably still writing and he didn't want to bother him.

––––––––

"So, did you decide what to cook for your mom?"

Crowley looked at Horn. She was sitting in the car with him, drinking coffee.

"Well, I bought a book so I hope I will find there something interesting."

Horn looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

"You bought a book? But you could find it on the internet…"

He wasn't looking at her anymore. He had bored look on his face while he was paying attention to the street in front of them. There was a concert taking place tonight in the city center and they were here in case something happened.

"Don't tell me you went there to meet that guy!"

He sighed and ruffled his hair. They were always messy.

"You know you can tell me, right? I'm your best friend, we know each other for so long!"

That was true. He knew her before he was working in the police. They met at the party, drank too much and well…They ended up in bed together but when they realized that they are working together, they decided to stay friends. Two cops in a relationship are bad news, besides, Crowley realized that if they weren't that drunk that night, he would never have slept with her because she wasn't his type. He liked her as a friend but sometimes she was just…boring.

Crowley was the type of person who was looking for an adventure and so he got bored easily. He tried to date men and women, but he didn't found 'that person' yet. A person with whom he could spend the whole life or even a couple of years. And of course, that person couldn't be boring.

"Well, to be honest, I went there to talk to him too. "

"Oh, so you are interested in him?"

Crowley wondered.

"Well, yeah. He's a really extraordinary person and I enjoy talking with him. So I decided to visit him and ask for his phone number."

Horn smiled, then she looked at the road too.

"I'm glad then. "

"I know you're just curious how long we will last."

He said that without looking at her, and she laughed.

"Anyway, did you write to him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I didn't have time because I had duty."

"Well, we don't do anything right now so you can text him."

Horn was right. He took his phone out of the pocket and looked at Ferid's phone number. He thought for a while what to write, and then he started typing.

[Hi, It's Crowley. The cop who saved your life ; ]

He sent it and then he went back to his work. But only for a moment, because his phone started vibrating.

"Wow, he's really fast."

Horn chuckled and Crowley looked at his phone.

[Oh, I thought you'll never write~ Can't sleep? ;3 ]

Crowley smiled while he was typing back.

[No, I'm on duty.]

Another quick reply from Ferid.

[I assume that you're bored rn :D ]

 _That guy_ , Crowley thought while he smiled at his phone.

[It's calm ; Listen, I was wondering, are you free this Saturday? ]

"So did you invite him to a date?"

Horn teased him and he ignored her.

[Ohoho, are you asking me out?! \\*w*/ Well, okay, let's meet :3 ]

Crowley smiled again at his phone but then they heard the voice in their transmitter.

"Skuld, Eusford, come out from the car, we have a little argument at the backstage."

"Coming," they said and they left the car.

––––––––

After Shinya finished working he and Guren went to eat something out because Shinya, that idiot, forgot to eat dinner, as always.

Guren couldn't believe that he still had strength to write something after only eating cereals this morning.

But Shinya only laughed at him.

They barely managed to be on time for the movie. But Guren was happy, because he finally able to relax after his crazy day at school and he really enjoyed the movie.

"Told you that this will be amazing, I'm glad we went to see it!"

Shinya was smiling and Guren only nodded. It was nearly midnight when they came out of the cinema and they were surprised by the heavy raining.

"Great, and I thought that this was a good evening."

Guren grunted and Shinya was looking like nothing was happening. Guren hated rainy weather because he always forgot to take his umbrella. He had too many things on his head to remember about this stupid thing.

"Do you have an umbrella?" Shinya asked.

"Of course not, I thought that it won't rain today."

"Then we will go through the rain!" Shinya stated, and he start walking to exit.

"Wait you idiot! We will be soaking wet!"

"But do you have another idea? We will miss a bus if we don't go now, so there is no point in waiting, and the next one is in an hour."

"But-"

"Oh come on you grumpy man!"

Shinya took his hand and Guren shouted his name, but Shinya only smiled at that and then they were outside.

It was raining hard so they were wet within a minute. Guren hoped that he won't be sic next day because of that idiot.

"Hurry, we will miss it!"

Shinya looked at him with his stupid smile. His hair was wet and the light from the streetlamps made them look as if they were glowing.

In moments like this Guren thought that Shinya was really beautiful.

Yes, he admitted it. He had thoughts like that, but only sometimes and he got rid of them quickly.

Because Shinya was his friend and well, he was a guy.

Yet there was something in him that made Guren's feelings really confused. With Shinya he was feeling relaxed, peaceful - like home. He felt warm inside and he enjoyed every moment they spent together. They laughed together, ate together, and when he wanted to talk Shinya was always there. No matter the time – midnight, morning or evening. He always found time for him.

It wasn't like that with Mahiru. He felt desire and lust towards her. And love, but well, that was only one-sided, because she was the one who destroyed their relationship. He gave her everything. Guren thought that they could have a future together. He even thought about children and how Mahiru would be a good mother. But that was a lie because she betrayed him. He wished he knew that man, so he would know what he did wrong.

But Shinya gave him another kind of feeling. Deep down, his mind was telling him what that feeling was, but he didn't have the courage to admit it to himself. Guren didn't know why, but he liked their relationship right now and he couldn't think what his life would look like without Shinya.

"Hey Guren, don't stop!"

Shinya still was holding his hand. They were running, there was no point in hiding from the rain. Shinya laughed again and Guren couldn't help but smile too.

Because Shinya was the only one who made him smile again.

"Quickly, I can see the bus!"

They sped up and barely managed to catch the bus. When they entered they were panting, but Shinya found the strength to laugh again.

Their hands parted.

"Gosh, I thought we wouldn't make it!"

They didn't sat because they were wet and there was a pool of water under their feet. The passengers were looking strangely at them, but they didn't mind.

"Idiot, we will be sic tomorrow!"

Shinya laughed again.

"But it was fun~! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that?"

Guren only shook his head with a little smile.

"Oh! I can see it! You're smiling! So it was fun for you too!"

Guren blushed a little and then he grunted.

"Yeah, whatever."

––––––––

Ferid closed his bathroom door. His hair was still wet and he wiped them with the towel.

He looked at his phone.

No messages.

Crowley was probably busy with his work. He sat on the couch and his cat immediately sat on his legs.

"Oh, look at you, you demon. You wanted to kill me this morning and now you want some attention?"

The cat only meowed and Ferid couldn't help but smile a little while he scratched the cat behind his ears. He took his book and started reading it, but he couldn't focus.

He thought where he and Crowley would go on a date. He really wanted to know more about him and that was a strange feeling for him.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of these thought and went back to reading.

But only for a few minutes because his phone started ringing again. He immediately took it.

[Sorry, I was busy. So, do you have a place in your mind?]

Ferid thought for a moment and he quickly replied.

[You can choose a place ;3 ]

He hoped that Crowley won't choose a fancy restaurant. Because that would look like a real date and Ferid didn't want that. He just wanted to spend more time with Crowley to get to know him better.

And maybe seduce him a little bit in his own way. Like he always did.

He waited a few minutes and then Crowley replied.

[So, what do you think about a club?]

Ferid looked at the rest of the message. He knew that place because he visited it often. He smiled. That guy really knew what he liked.

[Oh! I know that place. Perfect! Can't wait then *w* ]

He smiled when his phone rang again.

[Great ; So… You're not sleeping? It's pretty late.]

He chuckled and then he stood up. Mika meowed because of the sudden movement and landed on his paws. He hissed but Ferid ignored him and went to his bedroom.

He totally forgot about his book as he was lying in his bed with the phone in his hands.

[No, I was reading~ And what about you?]

[I finished my work. There were small disturbances at the concert tonight. But I'm on my way home.]

[Oh~`! I hope they didn't use guns ;3]

[No, they didn't ;]

He smiled again.

They went on writing and Ferid couldn't remember when he passed out and fell asleep.

––––––––

Sorry for keep you waiting but I forgot to upload it here XD But regular updates are always on AO3. So have double update

Also dear No Moon, no, there won't be any MikaYuu in this fic because this ship has enough fanfics. My fic is focus on CrowFeri (with GureShin) bacause it's my OTP ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _I spend too much time explainin' myself  
I hope there's some time to change it_

––––––––

Ferid entered the club and greeted one of the bodyguards. He knew this place because he visited it often.

He left his coat in the coatroom, and now he was only wearing a scarlet shirt and a skinny, black jeans.

He started walking towards the bar, and then he spotted Crowley. He was sitting there, looking hot as always, and waved his hand when he saw Ferid. Ferid smiled and went to him.

"Just on time," Crowley said, and Ferid laughed when he sat near him.

"Well, look at you, waiting for me on the Saturday evening. I was surprised when you asked me out."

Ferid ordered his favorite drink. Crowley was already drinking something.

"Surprised? Why? You looked pretty confident when you gave me your number."

Ferid laughed again and took a sip of his drink.

"It was a risky move, but I like risky things~."

Crowley looked at him with amusement.

"Oh, I already saw that." Ferid laughed at that. "You thought that I didn't go out with the same sex?"

"Well, I wasn't 100% sure, but I wouldn't know if I didn't take the risk and ask~."

Ferid looked at him seductively.

"If that still concerns you – I'm bi," said Crowley.

"Oh, so I was right, you like to try different things~."

Ferid wasn't scared that Crowley might not be interested in him because he saw the way he looked at him. He knew that look.

"And what about you?"

"Me? Well, let's say I tried it once with a woman, but she was the only one who enjoyed that. I realized that it wasn't my thing."

Ferid even couldn't remember her face. It was so long ago, probably right after his graduation. And he was drunk.

"Anyway, we met here to get to know more about each other. So, I know your name, orientation, job, but tell me, why policeman? Family tradition or was it your dream since you were a kid?"

Crowley smiled and then he took a sip of his drink to arrange his thoughts.

"Well, I didn't know who I wanted to become in the future when I was young. I was just living my life." He was silent for a moment and then he continued. "I get bored easily. I'm just a guy looking for some adventures and one day my dad suggested to me, that I should work as a policeman or a firefighter. I started thinking about it more and I got really interested in this topic. I was always athletic, so I knew that I wouldn't have problems with this job. Studying was hard but I managed to pass all my exams."

He took a sip again and Ferid looked at him interested.

"So, I assume you aren't bored on your duty?"

Crowley smiled again.

"Well, there are days when it's pretty boring but some days I can't even sit for five minutes. I like my job." He looked at the dancing people. "It's just…I wish my dad would see this. He passed away before I graduated."

"Oh…I'm sorry to hear that."

Ferid felt uncomfortable. He really didn't like conversations like that. Especially about family.

"Stop it, I won't cry. We're on a date. Besides, it was long time ago and I learned to live without him."

Ferid looked at his drink and Crowley's attention was back at the lilac haired man. He wasn't sure why, but he saw sadness in Ferid's eyes. He didn't know what caused this. The talk about family?

Maybe Ferid had problems with his parents?

But it was only a moment because Ferid finished his drink and smiled again.

"Well, I'm glad, because I'm not an expert in comforting people."

Crowley laughed. The mood was good again.

"You didn't surprise me with that. I talked about myself, now it's your turn. Why bookshop?"

Ferid thought for a moment. He played with his hair.

"Because books didn't talk shitty things." They both smiled and Ferid continued. "I always loved reading. I like to learn new things because I'm curious. And I like to try different things."

"You didn't try to work at a library? It's always silent there."

"Well, I tried but they didn't like that I was reading at work and the silence you mentioned was sometimes irritating. Especially when I tried to tell people that the book they wanted wasn't a good choice."

Crowley laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, this sounds really like you. I can even imagine their faces."

"Oh, stop it! Besides, the salary wasn't good enough for me to pay all my bills and to buy new books, so I changed my job. I found Krul's bookshop. The salary was okay, and she doesn't mind my reading habit because it helps with selling books."

"So you really are a book nerd?"

Ferid smiled at him.

"Yes~! I love them! But the best thing about working in a bookshop is probably customers. I really like to talk with them, especially if they are open minded and don't mind the criticism."

"So, you just like to share your thoughts?"

"Exactly!"

Ferid ordered another drink for them and Crowley looked at him. Crowley still considered Ferid a mystery. He was playful and charming, but there was something in his eyes. The sadness, the mystery. He didn't show it often, he witnessed it only twice.

First when they were talking in Crowley's car and second now, after their talk.

Crowley was looking for an adventure and he knew that with Ferid he wouldn't be bored. He was funny and he felt that this wasn't their first and last date. But his appearance and personality weren't the only things that attracted Crowley.

It was his strange opinion about relationships. Crowley really wanted to know what happened to him that changed his thoughts.

Also Crowley had a feeling that Ferid's smile was usually a fake one.

He didn't know whether he will be the person who will help him, but at least he wanted to try.

––––––––

Guren opened the door. He has just finished his meeting with Goshi and Mito. Even Shigure, one of his friends, was with them. They were drinking and talking about their college life. Typical Saturday meeting after their exhausting week at school.

He was supposed to come with Shinya, but Shinya refused yesterday, because he said that he was still writing.

" _I nearly finished this Guren, I can't stop writing now!"_

And then he closed his door. Guren didn't even know whether he's slept a minute during the night.

Shinya was still writing in the morning, and when Guren cooked a dinner, he only took a plate to his room. He didn't know if Shinya ate it and knowing this idiot, he probably didn't.

But Guren didn't have the time to think about this because he had to do his work, and then he had a meeting with his friends.

It was a typical Saturday night. Goshi was talking crap like always and the fact that he was drunk didn't help.

Mito, like always, started complaining that she was alone and she would be an old lady with the cat in the future. Guren only told her to look around because he was pretty sure that Goshi had a little crush on her, but he kept that for himself.

" _It's easy to talk like that. You're young and handsome, why are you still alone? Forget that bitch Mahiru."_

Mito's words were still fresh in his mind. He wasn't angry but her words hurt a little.

Everyone stopped talking and they looked angry at Mito. She only blushed when she realized what she said. Mito apologized but Guren only nodded and said that he didn't mind."

" _Oh, Mito! Stop talking rude things, he's not alone! He has Shinya!"_

And then Goshi said this. He loved teasing Guren about his friendship with Shinya, and the fact that they were living together wasn't helpful.

" _Stop talking crap like that, you're just jealous that you aren't my only friend."_

" _Eh? You're hurting my feelings Guren!"_

They went back to drinking and the mood was playful again. Sometimes he really wanted to kill Goshi for his stupid talk.

"Shinya?"

There was no sound. It was nearly 1 AM so it was late, but that idiot was probably still awake and writing.

Guren left his coat and shoes in the wardrobe and then knocked on Shinya's door. Still no sound.

He sighed and decided, after a moment, to open the door.

It was dark inside, only a small light from the lamp on Shinya's desk illuminated the room. The laptop had a black screen but it was still working.

And that idiot was sleeping on the desk.

Guren only heard the sound of the laptop and Shinya's peaceful breathing.

He sighed again and went to his desk. He moved a mouse and he saw the open document. He saved it and then he turned the laptop off. Shinya didn't even move during this action. Guren looked at him.

Shinya will be probably feeling like crap next day because of this position, but Guren didn't have the heart to wake him up. He probably hasn't slept much these days because of his book, and when Shinya will finally wake up, he will be probably ask Guren about his meeting with Goshi and others.

So Guren took a fluffy blanket from Shinya's bed and put it around him. Shinya only sighed in his dream, but he didn't wake up.

Guren sighed in relief. He looked again at his friend. His hair was messy because he had a habit of running his fingers through them when he was thinking hard or writing, and his mouth was slightly open.

Guren wanted to brush away hair from Shinya's face.

 _So that idiot can be cute_ , he thought.

Wait.

What?

Guren quickly took away his hand and shook his head.

He was probably sleepy and tired because he had stupid thoughts like that.

He turned off the lamp and then he closed the door. He went to the bathroom to take a shower and wash all these stupid thoughts away.

––––––––

The more Ferid was talking with Crowley, the better the mood was.

Crowley told him more about himself, like where he was living (it wasn't very far from Ferid), what he was usually doing during his patrols, what he liked to eat, or what kind of music he was listening to.

Everything was new to Ferid because, usually, when he went to a club to meet someone, he was just flirting. He wasn't talking about himself much, especially not about his private life, and he wasn't interested in the other person's life.

But with Crowley it was different. Of course, he was flirting with him, but he was listening to him patiently and he really was interested in the things he said.

Ferid even talked about his life - like some stories from his workplace, or his arguments with Chess. They even talked about René and Lacus, because Crowley was working with Lacus from time to time.

"He's really different from his boyfriend, because like you said, René is quiet, but Lacus talks a lot, so his boyfriend must have a lot of patience," Crowley joked and Ferid laughed again.

Their date was really pleasant but Ferid wanted to take some action. They finished their drinks and the music changed.

"Oh! I like this song, let's dance~!"

He stood up but Crowley looked at him with doubt.

"But I can't-"

"No excuses, let's go!"

He took his hand and then they went inside the crowd. The people were dancing on the floor and Ferid found some place for them.

"Just go with the rhythm."

Ferid looked at him seductively. He knew how to move his body. He's done this before.

They started dancing. Crowley wasn't dancing very much but Ferid was okay with this. It was his job to make a show.

He moved his hips to the rhythm of the music.

Occasionally their bodies touched because of the crowd. But of course Ferid did it on purpose. He wanted to flirt with Crowley more because, as much as he loved to talk, he still wanted to show him some affection.

Ferid didn't know how this night will end, but he still enjoyed what they were doing.

He saw lust in Crowley's eyes so he knew that his plan was working. Ferid was looking at Crowley all the time because he wanted his attention. Ferid knew that the eye contact was important.

After few minutes Crowley started touching him occasionally with one hand.

When he felt it for the first time, Ferid almost shivered, but he was still dancing. He felt hot only from his touch, so what will it be like if they started kissing. Ferid really didn't know why Crowley had that effect on him. He wasn't unfamiliar with touch but it was Crowley's touch. Everything with Crowley was different and that made things even more interesting for Ferid.

Ferid knew that his moves had the same effect on Crowley because he was looking at him all the time during their dance. Crowley's moves were slower than Ferid's, but he was more relaxed than in the beginning. Their occasional touches were a proof.

Suddenly the song changed to something slower. They were so close that Ferid felt Crowley's breath on his skin.

The atmosphere between them suddenly changed. Ferid felt hot and it wasn't because there were lots of people around them.

Ferid was still looking into Crowley's eyes. They were big and crimson, just like his own. He saw his own reflection in them and Ferid wondered what Crowley was thinking at this moment.

He looked at Crowley's lips.

Ferid wondered how they tasted. Usually he didn't think about things like that, he would just start kissing his partner, but now it was different.

He wanted to kiss him, yet something told him that it wasn't the best time for it. Still, it was so tempting.

But he didn't want to scare him. Yet he still had hope that maybe Crowley will take him now in his arms and kiss him passionately. He wouldn't mind that.

Then Crowley's face was just few inches from his own, but he didn't kiss Ferid. He only whispered to his ear. "We should go."

"Oh…yeah!"

Ferid was a little taken aback. He didn't know why Crowley's words made him so confused.

They left the dancing group and started walking towards the bar.

"Are you okay?" Crowley asked him, and Ferid sat next to him.

"Of course I am~. Why wouldn't I be? Your dancing wasn't so bad, you know?"

Crowley sighed.

"Stop it, it was my first time."

"But like you said, you like to try new things," Ferid said playfully.

"I said it was my first time, not that I didn't enjoy it."

Crowley winked at Ferid and Ferid smiled. Oh, he really enjoyed this date.

––––––––

Shinya opened his eyes. First thing he felt was his aching back.

"Gosh, it hurts so bad!"

He massaged his neck and then slowly went back to sitting position. It was dark, so he turned on his lamp.

He didn't remember when he fell asleep. Probably after he finished writing the epilogue. His book was finally finished and he couldn't wait to send the last chapter to Ferid. After this he will go to his editor. He was scared of this meeting because the editor could refuse his book. But he trusted Ferid's opinion, so he hoped that this book will be another success.

Shinya noticed that he had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his laptop was turned off. Weird, he didn't do that.

But then he noticed a plate with some bread and chocolate cream. There was also a small note.

'Eat something idiot'

Shinya smiled.

"Guren you can be caring sometimes."

He always called him an idiot, but Shinya knew that he didn't mean it. Maybe Guren didn't return his feelings but he still cared about him like a good friend should.

But maybe he was an idiot. Suddenly Ferid's words popped up in his head.

" _You're saying things like that but you are not better. You're talking about your friend that you love very much, but I recall you didn't confess your feelings yet. And he had a girlfriend so he probably is out of your league. So what's the difference between us? You're alone too because you love a guy who will probably never love you back."_

Maybe it was time to give up? He was in love with Guren since he has met him, and he still didn't have the courage to confess his feelings. He was a coward. He was scared of rejection.

But then he remembered small things like this – the blanked, their movies nights or the times when they were eating together. Deep down he hoped, that maybe one day Guren would fall for him.

But there was still Mahiru. She was still a fresh wound for Guren.

So Shinya waited, because he has already been waiting all those years, waiting few more didn't really make any difference to him right now.

"Ah, I'm really an idiot."

He looked at the clock. It was 3 AM.

He stood up but he immediately regretted his decision because he saw dark spots in his vision.

Shinya was really tired, so he just went straight to his bed without changing his clothes.

He remembered that he has a meeting tomorrow with his adopted sister Shinoa in the morning. He smiled to himself. He really enjoyed meeting with her. She was the only one who still cared about him in his fucked up family.

He quickly fell asleep when he laid down on the bed.

––––––––

Ferid was reading a book but once again, he couldn't focus on it.

His meeting with Crowley was still fresh in his mind and he couldn't think about other things. In the end they only drank more drinks, and then they went home.

No kisses, no sex.

And it was weird for Ferid.

It's not like it was impossible for him. For the whole night he couldn't help himself but think that he wanted to do it, and he felt that Crowley wouldn't mind it. Yet he felt that it was too early for this.

And that was stupid and really not his style.

He really didn't know what was wrong with him but everything concerning Crowley was weird. From their first meeting to their first date.

But he had fun and Crowley probably had a good time too, because he was still writing to Ferid.

He asked him how he slept or what was he going to do later.

It was Monday and yet Ferid was still thinking about their meeting. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't fall in love with Crowley at first sight. Love and Ferid were two different things that didn't work well together.

"Hey, Bathory! Are you alive?! I was calling you!"

Ferid looked irritated at Chess as he closed his book.

"Of course I heard you, I just decided to ignore your irritating voice."

"WHAT?!"

He went to her. Chess was angry as always.

"So what do you want honey~?"

"Stop calling me like that! It gives me goosebumps!" He smiled to her and she only rolled her eyes. "Is your arm okay?"

"Oh! You're worried about me!"

"No, you idiot! We have new books in the back and I wanted you to put them on the bookshelves because it's end of my shift."

Ferid sighed.

"I'm okay, leave it to me and go home."

"And don't daydream or you will do more mess! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you today? You're really in your own world." She stopped for a moment and then she smiled. "Oh, did you meet someone during the weekend then?"

Ferid looked at her and gave her one of his 'death smiles' while he crossed his arms.

"What, are you jealous because you spend all of your weekends at home. ALONE~?"

"What…you…ugh! Go die you idiot!"

And then she took her coat and left the bookshop. Ferid sighed. Now it was finally quiet.

Ferid went to the back and took a small box with the books. Then he headed towards the bookshelves with their newest books and started unpacking the box.

He wondered if 'that idiot's' book will be soon published because Shinya has finished his work.

" _So, did you read the last chapter?"_

 _Ferid heard Shiny's voice in his phone._

" _Yes, I've read it."_

" _But you didn't tell me where we should meet…wait a second, now I see that you sent me an e-mail…WAIT! Why there are only some grammar mistakes, where are your notes about the plot?!"_

 _Ferid only sighed._

" _Think more you idiot~."_

" _WAIT! You liked it, right?! That's why you left it like it was! Oh my god, maybe I wrote something good!"_

 _Ferid smiled to himself. He was glad they were talking on the phone._

" _Stop talking like that, you idiot, or I will punch you next time I see you. Now I have to go to work."_

" _Wait, Ferid! Thank you, but I have one little request."_

 _Oh god, don't tell me he wants to meet with me, Ferid thought._

" _What is it?"_

" _My sister will come to your bookshop today. She wanted to buy a book and I said to her that you will give her some advice."_

Oh, right. Shinya's sister was coming today. Ferid wondered if she was irritating like Shinya. Or maybe she was even worse.

"Oh, look! It's Tamahiko's new book! "

"Yes! I heard that he was almost killed here! I really want to read his new work!"

Ferid heard girls talk behind his shelf and he only rolled his eyes. That douchebag again.

"He's my favorite author! Have you seen him? He's so handsome, I wonder if he's single again."

Oh god, he hated teenagers' conversations, especially if it was girls.

"Ladies, I heard your conversation and I'm wondering, you're reading Tamahiko's books only because he's handsome or because he's a good writer?"

Another voice joined them and Ferid decided to listen to them. It was getting interesting.

"What did you say?! Of course he's a good writer! He's every time on top selling books!"

"But still, just like you said, he's a good looking guy, so most of his fangirls will buy everything he writes no matter the quality. And to prove that, as I recall, he had never won any literary award in his carrier."

The girl was right and Ferid chuckled.

"Huh?! What do you even know about books! What is that? I don't even know this author, who reads old books like that?"

"Intelligent people, but you probably aren't one of them."

"WHAT?! That was rude! Come on, we're leaving!"

And then the girls left. Ferid waited a few minutes and then he went to a girl he heard behind the bookshelf.

"Well, that was really smart."

He saw a young and short girl with purple hair and brown eyes. She was holding a fantasy book. Well, it was published long time ago but it was still one of the best books from this genre. Ferid knew this because, obviously, he has read it.

"Oh…They just irritated me. Actually I'm looking for Ferid Bathory, my brother sent me here."

"Well, you found him." He smiled at her. "You must be Shinoa then. You really don't look like Shinya."

"It's because I'm his adopted sister."

Ferid raised his eyebrows. Shinya never told him about this but well, they usually didn't speak about their families.

"Well, that explains a lot. So, how can I help you miss?"

She looked at him and sighed.

"I wanted to buy a book for my friend. I was thinking about what should I buy him, because he usually doesn't read books, so I thought that I will buy him my favorite one."

Ferid pointed to the book she was holding.

"Is it this one? If it is, it's a good choice then. Even if he doesn't read a lot I'm pretty sure that he will be interested in reading this one because the plot is really good."

"Thanks… We usually don't get along, but I thought that maybe we will find common interest if he reads the book. Maybe then he would understand me better."

"Oh~! So you like him and you want him to know you better?"

She blushed a little and he smiled at her.

"But please, don't tell Shinya."

"Yeah, I know, he would be nagging you all the time. Trust me, I know how he acts in situations like this."

Shinoa smiled to him and stared at the book.

"So you think he will like it?"

"Definitely, it's a really fun book especially for kids your age."

"Then I will take it."

She started walking towards the register but then she stopped and looked at one of the bookshelves. Ferid went to her and looked at it too. It was a fantasy section and she was looking at one of the new books.

"Oh, are you interested in this too? It's our new book but I've already read it, so I can recommend this to you. The characters were realistic and the world that the author created was really charming. If you love books like that," he pointed at her book, "you will love this one too."

She was looking at it with a little blush. Oh, he knew that look, she was probably a book nerd too, but then she sighed.

"I can't. I didn't read a book in months because we have exams soon and I must study."

"Oh, don't tell me you study all the time."

The girl looked at him and sighed again. Okay, maybe she was.

"Even if you study, which is important, sometimes you have to take a break and reading is the best option. There is nothing better than giving in to the world of fiction and escaping into the fictional world so you can forget about your own problems for a moment."

"You thinks so?"

Well, it helped him when he needed it most, so of course he knew what he was talking about.

"Yes, and besides, reading is considered learning too. You learn how to read, how to extend your imagination and how to write better. You learn more words and your speech is more eloquent. You really can't study all the time, sometimes you only need a few minutes of break and then you will study even better. Trust me."

"My brother won't like this."

Ferid raised his eyebrows.

"Who? Shinya? He's a book nerd."

"Oh, not him. My other brother, Kureto. He is always telling me that reading books like this is a waste of time and I should focus more on my textbooks."

"What a bullshit!"

Ferid took the book and then he went to the register.

"Here, take it. It's a present. You can't refuse it now."

He blinked to her and she was a little confused.

"But…I can't…"

"Don't worry, just read it, and then you will tell me what you thought about it."

Shinoa smiled.

"Shinya said that you are a weird person but now I know that you are nice too. Thank you!"

Ferid smiled at her and then she paid for her first book.

"Good luck on your exams!"

She waved her hand while she was smiling.

"Thank you again! Have a nice day!"

And then she left.

"I didn't know that you liked kids."

Ferid turned around and saw Krul with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, I just like smart kids, not all of them."

"Well, still it was nice of you. So you have a heart."

And then she left. He was looking at her and wondered what the hell was wrong with him these days?

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he looked at it. He had a message from Crowley and he read it immediately.

[Do you want to eat something after work? ;]

Ferid smiled and replied quickly.

[With you? *w* Of course ~ :3 ]

––––––––

First CrowFeri date, what do you think? 3


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _I got this anxious feeling  
But it goes away for a minute  
When I'm with you breathing_

––––––––

Ferid was looking at his reflection in the mirror while he was brushing his teeth. His lilac hair falling freely down his back, free from his usual ponytail. He was only wearing his pajama – black boxers and grey, loose t-shirt.

Things were strange this past week.

The whole week after his first date with Crowley, Ferid was feeling strange - not like himself. They were still writing to each other, sometimes Crowley phoned him, and they even met few times to eat something out.

But still, no sex or even a small kiss.

Ferid didn't recognize himself.

But the weirdest thing was that, during his meetings with Crowley, Ferid didn't think about kissing. Yes, he wanted to do that but still he was more focused on conversations with Crowley than on the thoughts of kissing him.

As if he was his friend, not a partner.

That wasn't like him. He was always the one that took the action, yet he couldn't now. There was something that was preventing him from kissing Crowley.

Like he wanted more than just physical relationship, and that was something that he has never done before. It scared him, but he couldn't do anything about it.

He splashed water on his face.

"Guess I'm just stupid."

He wiped his face with towel and put his hair in a high ponytail.

It was another Saturday and once again Crowley asked him out. But this time Crowley only said in his message, that he will choose the location and that Ferid should wear something warm.

That was weird but the winter was coming and it was getting colder. Ferid came to the conclusion that Crowley will probably take him somewhere outside, so he went to his wardrobe to look for his warm, crimson sweater and black, tight jeans.

After putting clothes on, he went to the kitchen to make breakfast. He still had an hour until Crowley was supposed to come. He decided to make the toasts and when he started preparing them he heard his cat meowing.

"Look at you, I only touched bread and you sensed it already. You toast-sucker."

The cat only looked at him with his pretty blue eyes and Ferid sighed. His cat's eyes were his weakness.

"Alright, I will give you some."

He turned on the TV and switched to the news channel. He rarely watched TV but sometimes he liked to know what was happening in his country.

After he finished preparing his breakfast, he sat down and watched TV while he was eating. Mika was eating his own, small portion of Ferid's toast.

There was nothing interesting, but Ferid wasn't focused on what he was watching anyway. His mind was still somewhere else and it was driving him crazy.

Why Crowley was so different?

Is it because he was listening to him?

But Shinya was listening to him too, yet he didn't have feelings like that towards Shinya. But well, it was Shinya. He wasn't his type at all.

Of course he was talking a lot with his previous partners.

But they were more interested in fucking Ferid than listening to him. But that had never bothered Ferid in his life.

His phone vibrated near Mika and the cat hissed at it.

"Relax Mika, it's just a message."

Ferid took his phone and looked at the message.

[Get ready, I'm on my way to you ;)]

Ferid smiled and took his plate to the sink.

"All right kitty, you have bowl full of food so please, don't destroy anything."

But his cat only meowed and deep down Ferid knew that Mika will probably do something to piss him off. He laced up his black boots and then he put on his grey coat and his red scarf. He put his mobile phone in his pocket and then he took the keys. He looked once again in the mirror. His hair was perfect, so he closed the door and went outside.

He looked around for Crowley and saw him after a moment.

"Good morning Ferid," Crowley greeted him and smiled to Ferid.

Crowley was wearing his leather jacket with dark turtleneck underneath. Then Ferid noticed that Crowley was sitting on the motorcycle and Ferid got confused a little bit.

"Good morning Crowley. You surprised me again with our date, and I'm even more surprised seeing this." He pointed at the vehicle. "Is this the surprise you were talking about?"

Crowley nodded and looked at his motorcycle.

"Yes. Today we will go outside the town."

Ferid raised his eyebrows and smiled to him.

"Oh, that's something new."

"Yeah, I wanted to show you something. I hope you put on some warm clothes?"

Ferid nodded and came up to Crowley. The tall man gave him a helmet.

"But it will ruin my perfect hair~!"

Crowley laughed and looked at him with amusement.

"Just put it, it would be too risky without it."

"But I like risky things~!"

"Yeah, but still, I'm a cop and rules are rules."

Crowley put helmet on Ferid's head and Ferid pouted.

"Oh stop it, you're cute."

Ferid looked at him and snorted.

"Cute? Dear Crowley, I'm not cute, I'm handsome~!"

And then he winked at him. Crowley was little taken aback and then he cleared his throat.

"So, have you ever been on a motorcycle?"

"No, it's my first time."

"Good. Just sit behind me and hold your arms around my waist. Are you ready?"

Ferid nodded and they sat together. Crowley put his own helmet on and Ferid put his arms around Crowley's waist. Crowley's scent hit him immediately. It was a really nice smell but Ferid couldn't decide if it was some perfumes or just his natural scent.

"Hold on then!"

And then he turned on the engine and started driving. Ferid squeezed him when they started going faster but after a moment he relaxed. End of his ponytail was floating behind him. Crowley hid his braid in his jacket to not bother Ferid with it.

It was windy and noisy when they were driving through the streets, but after they left the town, it became more peaceful.

Ferid was really excited because he rarely left their town, so he enjoyed the view. Soon they started seeing more trees and the air was better. He couldn't remember the last time he was this relaxed.

In moments like this he forgot about all his problems. He was just a man enjoying his life, and the fact that he was right now with a hot policeman, on the motorcycle, was even better. He opened his eyes and then he shouted to Crowley's ear.

"How long we will be driving?"

"Just a few more minutes. What, you don't like it?"

"No, I enjoy it."

"Then hold me tight."

"Wha-"

But Ferid didn't finish because Crowley sped up, and Ferid held Crowley's waist tighter. They were driving very fast and Ferid hoped that Crowley knew what he was doing. But well, he was a cop so he probably did.

After a moment Ferid relaxed once again and he started laughing. It was a fantastic feeling, driving so fast and leaving the city with all its problems behind. He really didn't know where they were going but he was thankful for this ride. It really helped him clear his mind.

Soon they were driving the road that went through the forest, and Ferid was looking around quite amused with the view. Nature was always fascinating and he found it beautiful.

Then Crowley stopped on a small parking. There were only two cars there, and now his motorcycle. They stood up from the vehicle and Ferid removed his helmet and gave it to Crowley.

"Your hairstyle is still okay. Cute even."

Crowley winked to Ferid and Ferid pouted again. He took his phone and looked at his image. His bangs were a little bit curly, just like his ponytail but well, it was the fault of the wind and the weather. He sighed only and then he stared at Crowley.

"So what now?"

Crowley hid helmets and put keys into his pocket.

"Now we walk. I hope you don't mind?"

Ferid shook his head and Crowley started walking down the path.

"So, you like trekking or are you just a fan of nature?"

"Well, sometimes I like to spend time out of the town but this is more about the place I'm taking you to."

Ferid was walking near him and looked around. The trees were beautiful with colorful, autumn leaves and he couldn't even see the sky because they were growing so densely. He took his phone and took some photos.

"Smile Crowley!"

Crowley smiled a little bit to him and Ferid took a photo.

"I guess I will be your new wallpaper?"

"What? No silly, I'm sending this to Shinya because he's nagging me the whole day about this trip."

"Now I feel offended."

Ferid only laughed and quickly typed a message to Shinya.

[Happy? Now leave me alone you looser. And don't bother me unless it's important =.=]

––––––––

Shinya looked at his phone. He opened a message from Ferid and smiled when he saw a photo of Crowley. It was a very nice photo because behind the men was a beautiful, autumn forest.

Shinya smiled to himself. He was glad that Ferid was enjoying his time with Crowley and he hoped that they will stay together. Maybe Crowley will fix Ferid.

Shinya was also glad about this message because he knew that 'unless it's important' was referring to the news about his book. Ferid was probably curious about the news just like Shinya.

He was waiting all morning for the phone from his editor. When he met her four days ago she was surprised when Shinya showed her the whole finished book.

She asked him why he didn't met with her earlier to know her opinion, but Shinya said that he was sure about what he was writing and he wanted to give her the finished piece.

She took it in the end but said to never do this in the future or he will have to find a new editor.

But Shinya couldn't help it. She was good but she wasn't Ferid. Her opinion and advices weren't as good as Ferid's. Also she wasn't interesting like him. Usually she only talked about the book and Shinya enjoyed more his conversations with Ferid about life combined with the discussion about the book.

Now he was lying on the sofa in the living room looking at the phone. She said that she will call today or write to him if she didn't finish reading his book.

He felt like he was laying here days not hours. He couldn't focus on anything so he just left the TV on to play in the background but he didn't pay attention to it.

Will she accept it? Will it be good?

It must be good. He was finally feeling sure about what he was writing, especially with Ferid's advices, yet there was always this anxious feeling deep down in his chest and he couldn't get rid of it.

But life was life. If she won't accept it he will improve his book.

After two hours his phone rang.

"Hello?"

––––––––

After an hour of walking, Ferid was feeling a little bit tired but he still enjoyed their walk. The surroundings were still beautiful so he was enjoying the view.

Crowley was walking in front of him and he climbed up a rock.

"We're here."

Crowley offered his hand to Ferid and Ferid took it. Crowley helped him with climbing up and when Ferid was standing near Crowley, Ferid opened his mouth and smiled widely.

In front of them was a big lake and next to it was a small house, probably an inn because he saw few people. This very moment, the sun was at such an angle that the lake started shining with little sparks.

"It's…beautiful," Ferid said, still astonished by the view.

"Right? My dad showed me this place long time ago. It's my favorite place on earth," Crowley joked, and then they started walking towards the small inn.

"Not only it's beautiful here but they have the best chocolate I've ever drank."

Ferid was still enjoying the view, looking around like a happy child. The lake was really pretty and he was glad Crowley showed him this place. They were walking slowly because Ferid was still admiring surroundings and Crowley looked at him, smiling.

He was glad that Ferid liked this place because Crowley had so many good memories with his dad in here. He was happy that he could share his special place with Ferid.

They came towards the inn. It was wooden and inside there was only a couple and a family with a small child. Ferid was once again looking around, very curious of this new place. There was a chimney inside and a door to the small terrace with the view at the lake.

"You want to stay inside or outside?"

"Outside, it's not so cold yet," Ferid said and he went towards the door.

Crowley stayed inside and ordered the chocolate. Ferid was standing on the small terrace looking at the view in front of him. He breathed the air and closed his eyes for a moment, just listening to the sound of nature. Like he said, it was November, but it wasn't so cold. He only hoped that it won't rain today because there were few dark clouds on the sky.

He sat on the small bench. There were few pillows on it so it was really comfortable.

Few moments later Crowley joined him. He put their chocolates on the table near the bench, and then he put the blanket over Ferid's legs. Ferid looked at him a little surprised.

"I'm sure you don't want to catch a cold, so I thought that we could use a blanked," Crowley said, and sent a smile to Ferid. Ferid smiled too and then Crowley joined him under the blanked and gave him a cup of chocolate.

"Thank you."

Ferid took a sip and smiled again.

"Oh~! It's really good like you said!"

"I'm glad then."

They were silent for a moment enjoying their drinks.

"So, do you like it?" Crowley asked Ferid, and the lilac man nodded.

"Yeah, it's beautiful here. Thank you for showing me this~!"

"I hope it's not too romantic because I know you hate things like this, but I thought that I will show you something new."

Ferid laughed. It was a little bit romantic. Sitting here, in the place without lots of people, under a warm blanket and drinking hot chocolate, but Ferid didn't mind.

Crowley showed him a beautiful place, probably important to him. They were enjoying their time together now but probably, in the future, it will be only a good memory that will fade away when they will go their separate ways.

"Stop it, we aren't doing anything too cheesy. We're just relaxing under the sky, enjoying our drinks."

Ferid closed his eyes again.

"Besides our ride was quite risky, so it's another advantage of this trip."

He heard Crowley laughing and he opened one eye to look at him. Crowley was drinking his chocolate in silence and he was looking at the lake, probably thinking about something related to this place. He was really handsome, being deep in thoughts like that, and Ferid smiled to himself. Still, it didn't look like one of his usual dates and encounters, but he enjoyed it. Sometimes he needed to do something unusual.

He wasn't in love with Crowley so he didn't mind.

He closed his eyes once again and then he heard the sound of camera.

"Did you just took a photo of me?"

Ferid asked and opened his eyes. Crowley was typing something on his phone, smiling to himself.

"Yup."

"Oh, so I assume that I will be your new wallpaper? Fine, you can do it. You can have this beauty on your phone~."

"Oh, no, I sent it to Horn, my friend."

He winked to Ferid and Ferid pretended to look offended.

"You hurt my feelings, Crowley~."

But then Crowley put his hand around Ferid and pulled him closer. Ferid was surprised and Crowley only smiled and took a photo.

"This will be my new wallpaper."

He looked at his phone smiling, and Ferid pouted while he too looked at photo. In the picture Crowley was smiling and Ferid was holding his cup looking a little surprised. His hair was a little bit messy and curly because of the weather so he didn't look perfect.

"This? This is awful! Delete this photo immediately!"

Crowley only laughed, still looking at his phone. He really set this photo as his wallpaper.

"Nah, I love it. You're cute here."

"I told you to stop calling me cute! Handsome, not cute!"

But Crowley only laughed some more because, even now, Ferid was looking cute to him.

Crowley felt like he wanted to kiss him now, but he didn't do it because he was still testing how long Ferid will endure without kissing.

––––––––

Guren opened the door to the apartment and he immediately heard the music. He knew this song, it was Shinya's favorite and that meant that Shinya was really happy.

"Shinya, I'm ba-"

"GUREN!"

He didn't finish because the white haired man ran to him and almost jumped at him, crushing him with the hug.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

Guren was blushing like an idiot and Shinya was laughing like a kid, still hugging him.

"They accepted it! They will print my new book!"

Oh, that explained his behavior. Guren sighed and then he smiled to himself. Shinya really deserved this, he was happy for him.

"Congratulations then."

But Shinya was still crushing him in the hug and Guren felt really weird. And hot.

"I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. I could do it because of you," Shinya whispered to him while he was still hugging Guren, and Guren blushed even more if it was possible. Shinya and his odd behavior.

"Ekhm..Well, you had your mysterious friend too…but Shinya…"

"Yeah?"

"You're crushing me."

"OH!"

Shinya immediately released him from his grip and cleared his throat, a little bit embarrassed about his behavior.

"Sorry."

Guren nodded and looked at his friend.

"Knowing you, you probably didn't eat dinner so how about celebrating the good news?"

Shinya's eyes sparkled with joy and he nodded his head enthusiastically.

"I would love to!"

"Great, I could invite Goshi, Mito and Shigure… If you want of course."

Shinya felt a little sad because he wanted to celebrate with Guren alone, but he knew that Guren would probably feel a bit awkward so he agreed.

"Okay, let's invite them."

Guren started calling their friends and Shinya took his phone and wrote a message to Ferid.

––––––––

Ferid felt his phone vibrating. He looked at the message and smiled to himself.

[Accepted! \\*O*/ Can't wait to see the cover! Thank you *heart emoticon* ]

Ferid typed back his message quickly.

[Congrats and don't send me 'heart' it gives me goosebumps idiot =.=]

He was glad that they accepted Shinya's book because, he wouldn't say it out loud, it was good and the ending was really interesting.

"Something good happened?"

Crowley asked him. They were walking once again because Crowley wanted to show him another place.

"Oh, that idiot, Shinya. They accepted his book."

"Your friend?"

"He's not my friend~," Ferid said, and put his phone back to his pocket. Crowley only smiled and shook his head. He saw that little smile on Ferid's face so he knew that he was happy about this.

"So, where are we going now?"

"We're almost there, just a few steps. You're not tired?"

"Of course not~."

It was starting to get a little bit chilly so Ferid wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck. But he wasn't that cold from the walk yet.

"Good, we're here."

Ferid was once again curious about the place Crowley wanted to show him and once again, he was a little taken aback with the view. Sometimes nature was so surprising.

In front of them was a small meadow. The leaves created something like a colorful carpet, and all these colorful trees were making this place look as if it was taken straight out from a fairytale.

"Beautiful," Ferid only said and he started walking toward the center of the meadow.

"Oh, yet it is but I'm a little bit sad that the sun isn't shining right now because the place is even more beautiful then."

Ferid looked around and saw a little squirrel in the tree.

"Crowley, look!"

Ferid pointed at it and the tall man smiled.

"It's so cute!"

He took a quick photo while he was smiling.

"You know this place is even lovelier in the summer. We should go then."

Good mood left Ferid immediately. He didn't answer Crowley. Because if he agreed he would give Crowley a promise. A promise that they will be together until summer and it was more than half a year away from now. Too long for Ferid.

Giving 'yes' would give Crowley too much hope and stupid thoughts. He could then start thinking that they were a couple or in a relationship, and that's not what Ferid wanted.

They were together now but it won't be forever.

That was Ferid's rule.

So instead he took some of the leaves and threw them at the surprised Crowley.

"Take this~!" he said playfully, and laughed when he saw Crowley covered in the autumn leaves.

"Oh, you started a war Ferid!"

Crowley threw some leaves at Ferid but Ferid only showed Crowley his tongue and ran away.

"Catch me if you can~!"

They were running and throwing leaves at each other like children. Both of them were laughing and enjoying their time.

"Take that!"

Crowley easily caught Ferid by surprise and, using his force, he knocked him down to the ground.

Ferid was laughing but when Crowley pushed him down he squeaked in surprise. He looked at Crowley surprised, because the man was laying on top of him smiling.

"I caught you."

Both of them were breathing heavily because of all the running. Crowley's face was few inches from Ferid's and Ferid could see his own reflection in Crowley's eyes.

Crowley smiled at him a bit seductively. Ferid was still a little flushed in reaction to Crowley's attack. Ferid's cheeks were pink probably because of the running and because of the fact that Crowley was on top of him. He had leaves in his wavy hair and Crowley wished he could take a photo right now because that view was so cute.

Ferid was looking as if he was waiting for the kiss. And he was right, Crowley wanted to kiss his pink lips to know how they taste, but he still wanted to play with him a little more. That would be too easy for him.

So instead he looked at the sky and it was the right decision.

"As much as I like laying on top of you we must go. It looks like it will rain soon and we still have to go back to my motorcycle."

Ferid blinked confused.

That's it?

No kiss?

That man was driving him crazy!

He was playing with him, he knew that! They had so many occasions to kiss but neither of them done it. That's it. Ferid needed to end it or it will eat his mind completely.

Crowley stood up and offered his hand to Ferid.

Ferid wanted to punch his handsome face but he accepted his help and stood up.

"You're right. We don't want to get wet. You will probably die of boredom lying in bed."

Ferid looked at him and Crowley shook off all the leaves from his clothes. Then he looked at Ferid who was doing the same thing, and he removed one leaf that was still tangled in Ferid's hair .

"You're ready to go?"

"Of course~."

––––––––

They were walking very fast and got quickly to the motorcycle. It wasn't raining until they got to the city.

Ferid could feel some of the raindrops falling on them. He only hoped that he won't get sick.

When they were in front of Ferid's apartment it was raining heavily and he was soaking wet.

Ferid took off his helmet and gave it to Crowley.

"Thank you for the ride."

"No problem. I hope you enjoyed our date."

"Yes, it was perfect but…there is something missing."

Crowley looked at him confused.

"What is it?"

Ferid smiled.

 _Now or never_ , he thought.

They were both soaking wet but Ferid stopped bothering about the weather. Besides, kissing in the rain was kind of sexy.

Crowley wasn't wearing his helmet and Ferid went towards him. He put his hand on Crowley's arm and when he wanted to close their distance, Crowley's fucking phone rang.

"Oh, wait a second."

Crowley looked at the phone and he only sighed.

"I must go, it's something important from the job. Go home or you will get sick."

He quickly put his helmet back on and Ferid put a fake smile on his face, because deep down he wanted to take this stupid phone and step on it. Then he would throw it on the street so cars would complete its destruction.

"All right, I will go. Take care Crowley~."

He waved his hand to him and Crowley did the same thing. Then Crowley turned on the motorcycle and drove away.

Ferid opened the door to his apartment and he hit his head on the door.

Mika looked at him and only meowed looking at his owner.

"The world is against me, dear Mika."

He said sounding almost hopelessly with his eyes closed.

That Crowley Eusford, what the hell was wrong with him?!

At the same moment, Ferid sneezed.

––––––––

The fact that emoticons on ffnet aren't working is killing me ;-; Sorry it's late again but i keep forgetting to upload chapters here XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _I can't take it, I'm inpatient, tell me baby_

Ferid should have known how this would end.

After his trip with Crowley he was soaking wet when he came back to his apartment. Of course he changed his clothes quickly and made a hot tea, but he had chills during the night and even blanket with quilt didn't help.

Two days later he was feeling okay, he only sneezed occasionally.

So when he and Crowley met again and he saw an outdoors ice rink he didn't hesitate, especially when Crowley told him that he had never in his life skated.

Crowley was a fast learner so he got hang of it very quickly. Ferid was very fit so ice skating wasn't a problem for him but the tall man had some problems with coordination because of his body built.

Ferid laughed at him but he helped Crowley, and at the end of their meeting Crowley was really enjoying himself. At the beginning they were skating slowly while holding hands because Crowley was still learning, but by the end of their time there, Crowley was skating by himself.

What was even funnier was that, Crowley didn't fall even once but it was Ferid who ALMOST fell. Some douchebag pushed him but fortunately Crowley caught him just in time. Ferid remembered the last time Crowley caught him on their trip. They were very close and once again he looked into Crowley's eyes. But Crowley only pushed him away, gently, asking if he was okay.

Again, no kiss.

Ferid was really angry but he thanked Crowley for his help. They ended quickly their meeting because it was really cold, so when he went home he only took a quick shower and went to bed.

He really should have taken some medicine, because right now he was feeling awful.

He woke up with a headache and his throat was killing him this morning.

 _Great, I really needed this_ , he thought ironically.

At the same time he sneezed and his cat hissed at him.

And right now Ferid was praying that his shift would end quickly. He was sitting at the register, feeling like shit and trying to type some things on the computer while he was struggling to see anything as his vision got a little blurry. His glasses didn't help and he felt that it was his fever's fault.

He took some medicine earlier but it didn't help.

He hated colds because he was so useless then, and he hated that feeling.

He really should take care of himself rather than keep on wondering when Crowley will kiss him or what to do with this problematic policeman.

He looked at the clock. He still had three hours, he groaned. Chess sent him a mean smile. She was really irritating him today and she really enjoyed it.

She laughed when he wanted to give change to the client who paid with card. Or when some girl asked about a fantasy book and he gave her the newest criminal book.

Well, he really was useless today.

Krul sent him a curious look from the stairs to her office and he only waved to her, smiling weakly.

He didn't want to hear her stupid talk so he hoped that she will leave him alone.

Ferid looked at the computer. Someone entered the shop and when he felt the cold air he shivered and wrapped his scarf closely around his neck. He wished for a hot tea in his bed, with a cat at his side, or maybe without that beast, and a good book. Or just in bed so he could sleep it off.

He focused on his work again but he only saw a blurry image on the computer. He blinked few times but it didn't help so he sighed.

"This will be a long day," he said to himself. He coughed few times and took a sip of his hot tea. He still dreamed about a blanket because, even while wearing his warmest black sweater, he was still cold and he had shivers.

The door to the bookshop opened once again and he has sent a death glare to the door when he felt the cold wind from the outside. But when he saw Crowley standing in the door, Ferid looked at him curiously and a little bit surprised.

"Crowley?" he asked, still looking at him. Crowley smiled at Ferid and came up to him.

"You didn't pick up your phone."

Ferid looked at his phone and he saw a black screen. Great, he even forgot to charge it.

"Oh, the battery run out. Sorry, was it important?"

"No, I only asked when you will be finishing your work." Crowley looked Ferid up and down with questioning look. "Are you okay?"

Ferid smiled weakly and he waved his hand.

"Oh, are you worried about me? How cute~! But I'm ok-" and then he stopped because he started coughing violently.

Crowley crossed his arms and looked at him with worry.

"Yeah, you're really okay. Did you see yourself in the mirror? You really look awful."

 _No shit Sherlock_ , thought Ferid with tissue on his mouth.

"Just a flu, don't worry about it."

He stood up but he regretted this decision immediately because he saw dark spots in front of his eyes. He swayed a little bit but Crowley caught him immediately.

"Just a flu?" He put his hand on Ferid's forehead. "You're hot!"

Ferid smiled.

"Thanks~."

Crowley only rolled his eyes.

"Not like that. You're burning up!"

Ferid only laughed but stopped because he started coughing again.

"Take this idiot away."

They heard Krul's voice and Crowley looked at the small pink haired woman with a questioning look.

"Oh, you're his boss! I remember you from the attack. Nice to see you."

Krul only nodded and then she glared at Ferid.

"Why the hell did you come to work with fever? Do you want to spread germs or what?! I don't want all my employees ill!"

Of course she was angry and Ferid only smiled weakly.

"Krul, dear, I didn't want to disappoint you!"

"Ugh, stop talking shit. You have three days to cure this and if you won't come back, you better be dead Bathory! Now get out of my sight!"

She turned back and left them. At the same time René came up to them with Ferid's coat.

"Nice to see you here, Crowley." He gave him Ferid's coat.

"Oh, René. Lacus is sending his greetings. He said that he will meet you later."

"Thank you for telling me this." René nodded and looked at Ferid. "Take care of yourself, Ferid."

And then he left them as well.

"What a nice guy!" Ferid said, while he was putting his coat on with Crowley's help.

"It's too bad that Chess isn't like him."

"Chess? You mean that girl that's been looking at us for the whole time, thinking that we don't see her?"

"Yup, that one. Good bye Chess, honey!"

Ferid sent his greetings and she only gritted her teeth

"GO DIE BATHORY!"

Ferid and Crowley left the bookshop. Crowley's hand was on Ferid's back and Ferid smiled to himself.

"What a gentleman you are, Crowley."

He winked at him and Crowley only sighed when he opened the door to his car. They sat together and Crowley turned the engine on.

"So, are you living alone?" Crowley asked him while he was driving.

"Nah, I have Mika."

Crowley raised his eyebrows, curious.

"Mika? Your roommate?"

But Ferid didn't answer and when Crowley looked at him, he saw that Ferid was sleeping peacefully. He sighed and wished he could take a photo because Ferid looked really cute despite the fact that he had a fever.

His mouth was slightly open and his cheeks were pink because of the fever. He was breathing heavily and his bangs were curled like the last time they were together. He was probably feeling awful and Crowley was glad that he decided to visit Ferid at work.

Crowley didn't know why Ferid went to work ill but he knew that the pale man was a really stubborn person.

Crowley parked his car near the entrance to Ferid's apartment.

"Ferid, we're here."

But the man didn't answer back , Crowley sighed. He will probably have to carry him to his flat. He closed his door and went to the one on Ferid's side. The man opened his eyes a little and Crowley looked at him with a sympathy.

"Were are we?"

"Home, give me your keys."

Ferid slowly took them out from the pocket of his coat and handed them to Crowley. Then Crowley lowered himself and took Ferid in his arms in a bridal style. Ferid even didn't protest very much.

"What are you…doing?" he murmured with his head near Crowley's neck. Crowley felt his hot breath on his skin.

"Taking you to your apartment because you're too weak to walk by yourself."

They started walking and Ferid only giggled with a cough.

"My, I feel like a bride," he blurted and Crowley laughed.

"You really have a high fever."

"And you have strong arms. Did I tell you that you're hot?"

Crowley sighed while he opened the door to the staircase.

"You can go to sleep but first tell me, which floor do you live on?"

"First floor, door number sixteen."

Crowley nodded and walked towards his apartment. He had problems with opening the door while he was carrying Ferid, but he managed somehow.

When he opened the door he saw for the first time where Ferid lived.

The flat wasn't very big and the first thing he saw were tons of books everywhere. But still, the place was tidy and modern. There was a small, open-kitchen beside the living room where there stood a small table and a sofa with the TV. Crowley put Ferid on the sofa and closed the door. He saw the doors to the bathroom and the bedroom, probably Ferid's. So, where's Mika?

Then he heard a loud 'meow' and looked down. He saw a cat with sand fur and blue eyes.

"What's that?" he asked confused, and heard Ferid's giggle.

"That's Mika."

 _Oh, so Mika was a cat_ , Crowley thought and he laughed to himself for his stupid thoughts. He was a bit jealous of a cat, well done Eusford.

"So, are you living alone?"

"No, stupid! I have my Mika~."

Ferid wanted to hug his cat but the pet only hissed at him and went away.

"What a demon! He hurt my feelings again!"

Crowley only laughed at this and,, shaking his head, he went up to Ferid who finished taking off his black, leather boots.

"Come one, let's put you to bed."

"Ohohoh~! Finally some action!"

He took him again in his arms and went with him to the bedroom. It was a tidy room, in black and grey colors with a little bit of brown. There was a large and comfortable bed in the middle. Some books were on the small bed shelf and there was also a desk with Ferid's laptop.

Crowley put Ferid on the bed.

"Take off your clothes-"

"Oh! So bossy! I love that!"

"And put your pajamas on."

"All right!"

Ferid started undressing himself and Crowley cleared his throat when he saw Ferid without his sweater. He wasn't muscular like him. Ferid was slim and thin but still well-toned in a healthy way. He had a pale skin and his lilac ponytail fell to his back.

Ferid looked at him with his eyes foggy because of the fever. He had really long eyelashes. Crowley adored his eyes.

"Yes, Crowley?"

"Before you…finish…do you have some medicine?"

"Kitchen, the shelf above the sink."

Crowley nodded and went to the kitchen. He found the box with the medicine and found what he was looking for. He poured water into the glass and went back to Ferid.

The man was wearing gray, loose shirt and some dark pants.

"You didn't see the whole show~." Ferid sent him a seductive look which was really adorable right now because, to Crowley, he looked more cute than sexy right now.

"Yeah, save it for the next time. Here, drink this and go to bed."

Ferid took the pills and drained the glass in one go. Then Crowley helped him to lay down and Crowley covered him with the quilt and, after consideration, he also added a blanket.

"I imagined our first encounter in my bed in a different way," Ferid murmured, and Crowley sighed and looked at him with a little smile.

"You must take care of yourself more then."

But Ferid only smiled and then his eyes closed quickly. He fell asleep and Crowley looked around. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He wanted to make a soup for Ferid because it was the best for his current state, but Ferid didn't have all the ingredients in the fridge.

"Guess I will have to go shopping."

Crowley looked again inside Ferid's bedroom. The man was sleeping peacefully and even his cat joined him, lying near him. Crowley smiled and then he took the keys.

He closed the door.

––––––––

"Yes, I have read your e-mail."

Shinya was talking on the phone while he was cooking. Guren was in the living room watching TV and Shinya almost finished their dinner when his editor called.

" _So, what do you think about this bookshop?"_

His editor wrote to him about a place where his book will have a premiere. It was a really well know bookshop, probably the only one more popular than Ferid's, so he was really surprised when he read that his book premiere will be taking place there.

"I'm really excited about this!"

" _You will talk about your book and then you will sign autographs. There will be few reporters and people from our publishing."_

"Yeah, I figured it out."

" _You can also invite some of your friends. That mysterious one that helped you with your chapters, for example. Maybe you will hire him as your editor?"_

Shinya heard a little bit of jealousy in his editor's words. He liked her.

"Nah, I like our friendly meetings. So, next week it is?"

" _Yeah, take care Shinya."_

"You too."

He put back his phone and looked at his dinner. He was really happy about this event and he really couldn't wait to see his fans' faces and hear their opinions.

"Your editor?" Guren asked when he entered the kitchen, looking curiously at the dinner.

"Yeah, she told me about the place where my premiere will be held. Also I can invite some of my friends."

"Oh, including your mysterious one?"

Shinya laughed.

"Yeah, I plan to invite him too. So you will finally meet him."

Guren looked at him with a questioning look.

"Because you're invited too Guren!"

Shinya smiled to him and Guren responded with a little smile of his own.

"I can't believe I will meet him. I really thought that you imagined him."

"Nah, I bet you will like him. Or hate him, he's a really peculiar person."

Guren nodded.

"Well I assumed that, he's probably not normal as he is your friend. So what do we have for dinner?"

And then they started talking about their usual things. In the meantime Shinya wrote a message to Ferid.

––––––––

Crowley opened the door to the Ferid's place. He took off his leather jacket and put the vegetables and other ingredients on the table.

The first thing he noticed was Ferid's cat in the living room. He was looking strangely at Crowley, meowing at him.

"What do you want?"

Crowley asked him, and then he started unpacking his shopping.

Then he heard a strange sound and he stopped.

"Ferid?"

He asked but the man didn't answer. Crowley heard something like a moan.

"Please…don't…"

Crowley raised his eyebrow and went to Ferid's bedroom. When he opened the door he saw Ferid on the bed. He was painting heavily, moving in his dream, probably having a nightmare.

"Ferid?"

Crowley went to him but the man was still dreaming.

"Don't…leave me…"

Ferid whispered , still asleep. Crowley sat down at the end of the bed and looked at him. He didn't know what to do so he took Ferid's hand in his own and then he brushed away hair from Ferid's face.

"You're not alone."

He didn't know if Ferid heard him or not but it seemed to have worked because Ferid's breathing slowed down and he stopped moaning and talking.

Crowley looked at him curiously. Was he dreaming about that person who hurt him? If yes, did it happen often? Or was it just because of his fever?

Ferid was quiet again, only his breathing was louder because of his current state. Crowley was really curious about Ferid's past. The man was so joyful during the day, but for the first time, Crowley saw him that weak. He knew that it was his fever speaking but still it was so out of character for him. Or maybe it was the true Ferid?

The broken one, pretending that he was okay during the day.

Crowley touched his warm cheek and smiled to himself.

"Sleep well."

––––––––

When Ferid woke up the first thing he noticed was that it was dark and that his body wasn't hurting as much as this morning.

He still felt a little bit dizzy, so he weakly got up to a sitting position. He looked around and then he smelled something.

"What is this smell?"

"Oh, sleeping beauty is awake."

Ferid turned around and he saw that Crowley was sitting on his armchair in the corner of the room, with a book in his hand.

"Crowley? What are you doing here?"

Crowley raised his eyebrows.

"You don't remember?"

Ferid frowned, trying to recall his day.

"I remember you at the bookshop and then everything is a little bit blurred for me."

"Well, you had a high fever so I don't expect you to remember everything."

Ferid looked at him curiously. He couldn't find his phone so he didn't know what time it was.

"But…Did you stay here all day?"

"Well, yeah. You asked me to stay."

Ferid raised his eyebrows a little embarrassed.

"I said that? I don't believe you. You stayed because you wanted to~," he teased him, and Crowley smiled when he stood up from the armchair.

"Yeah, let's stick with this. Here, I charged your phone. You have a message."

Crowley gave Ferid his phone and Ferid took it.

"Are you hungry? I made a soup for you."

"A soup?" Ferid asked curiously, still looking surprised. This whole situation was so new and strange to him.

"Yeah, it's the best when you're sick. Besides, you finally have an occasion to taste my cooking. Wait a moment, I will heat it up."

Crowley left him and Ferid still couldn't believe what was happening. He was sick and someone was taking care of him. Usually he was all alone, with annoying messages from Shinya, or just alone when he didn't know Shinya yet.

He liked that feeling, having someone to take care of him, but he cursed himself for this. He couldn't let Crowley stay in his life. He couldn't be addicted to these feelings or let them take over his mind.

Ferid looked at his phone instead. It was a message from Shinya. He invited him to his book premiere and wrote to him that he could take Crowley too. Ferid only replied with short 'thanks'. He didn't wanted to let Shinya know that he was sick because he would start sending him tons of useless messages to 'cheer him up'. Idiot.

"It's ready. You want to eat it here or in the kitchen?"

"Kitchen~."

Ferid stood up and Crowley put his arm on his back to steady him. Ferid smiled to him and then they went to the kitchen. Ferid put a blouse on because he still felt cold. He also put his hair into a bun because they were tangled anyway. He sat on the chair and Crowley put a bowl in front on him, and then he joined him.

"Well, Bon Appetit Crowley!"

"I hope you will like it."

Ferid took one spoon of his soup and he immediately felt warm. The soup was very good and it was a little bit spicy so he felt warm inside.

"It's good! You really weren't joking about your cooking skills~."

Crowley sent him a warm smile and took a sip of his own soup.

"Why would I lie about it? You're really weird."

They were silent for a moment, enjoying their meal.

"I wanted to ask you about something."

Ferid raised his eyebrows, curious about what Crowley would ask him.

"I didn't lie when I told you that you didn't want me to leave you. You were talking in your sleep. Something like 'Don't leave me'…Were you dreaming about that person who hurt you in the past?"

Ferid looked at him a little bit surprised. He really didn't expect this question from Crowley. Especially about him talking in his sleep. He didn't know about that. Maybe it was fever? Or maybe he really was talking in his dreams. He didn't know because he usually was sleeping alone. Even after sex he didn't like sleeping with his partners. It was too intimate.

He didn't remember dreaming about that person.

"Oh, I really don't know what you're talking about. Probably it was some stupid nightmare. You told me that I had high fever so it must be it."

He took another spoon but Crowley was still looking at him intensely.

"You know Ferid, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, but if you want me to understand you better, it would really help. Because I see that you have been hurt by someone, don't even try to deny it."

Ferid would have lied if he had told that Crowley's words didn't touch him. Crowley was really kind to him, but Ferid couldn't tell him everything. That would be too risky for him, and Crowley would be too close to Ferid. He might fall in love with Ferid.

Yet he still didn't want to finish his relationship with this guy. He was nice and it was a nice change from his one night stands.

"Well, look at you. You are so nice to me, taking care and making this soup, but the truth is that you made all of this so I could open up to you, right?"

Crowley smiled to him.

"You really are smart. Well, I can't deny that, but I did it because I was worried about you. You really looked awful."

"But in the end it was only curiosity?"

"Stop it, you're making me a bad person right now. I was worried about you, and I'm worrying about you even now because I see a person trying so hard to push away everyone when the truth is, that he needs someone in his life."

Ferid bit his lip and avoided his eyes.

 _Stop talking things like this_ , he thought. He wished that Crowley would have stood up and left him, but he was still sitting near him, with his worrying look. Gosh, it's like when his cat was looking at him, begging him for food.

"All right you devil, I will tell you why I don't like relationships."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you earned your prize. The soup was delicious and I feel better thanks to you."

Ferid was silent for a moment, thinking about where he should start and what he should say.

"It was during high school. Back then I was one of the best students in our school. I really enjoyed studying because studying made me a more intelligent person than others, and I liked to be smarter than others. It was also to make my dad proud of me. He told me once that I should work with him in the future, or if I don't want to then I should study medicine or something like that so I could be useful for the mankind. So you see, I didn't have much choice, but I was okay with my life."

Crowley nodded, listening to him.

"I feel like your dad was kind of a bossy person."

Ferid laughed and waved his hand.

"Let's not talk…about my dad."

There was something different in Ferid's voice, but he continued.

"So, I was a really promising student, and when the exams were coming that year, one of the teachers came to me and asked about giving lessons to one of her students. She said that it will look really good in my documents. So I agreed after a long talk. I wasn't happy about that, especially when I saw who I will be teaching."

"Some kind of your high school enemy?"Crowley joked and Ferid laughed, but he started coughing again. Damn it, stupid cold. Crowley gave him tissues and Ferid thanked him.

"Something like that. Me and that boy despised each other. He told me once that I was a cocky asshole and I told him, that he's an overgrown idiot. So yeah, we hated each other. I went to that teacher saying that it's impossible for us to work together but she told me to try. So I tried. He really didn't want to listen to me, saying that he didn't need me and he will pass his exams alone. When he told me who he wanted to be in the future I laughed because it really wasn't a job for him, and it was impossible for him to get to a proper university without help. So he started thinking about it and after a few weeks we started learning together. We met in the library and it was a really hard thing in the beginning. We were both so different but after a few weeks I learned what his favorite subject was and we started talking more about such things. Our meetings started to be more pleasant and I noticed that I enjoyed them."

Ferid stopped for a moment. Crowley saw a bit of sadness in his eyes again.

"But of course my dad was furious with me. He said that I wasting my time, that I should be learning for my own exams, not helping some stupid boy. I told him that it's important for me and he wouldn't make it without me. My dad joked that I had a crush on him. But well, I realized that he was right. I started to enjoy our meetings because I got to know him better. He wasn't that bad. His character was still the same but I started to notice some other things too. Like what music he liked, what books he read. Time passed quickly and the exams were really close. Now I know that what I felt for him wasn't love but he was my first crush and I really didn't know what to do with this. So when we had our last meeting before the exam I decided that after that I will ask him out. I didn't want to confess my feelings because I was scared, but I thought that meeting somewhere that wasn't a library was a good start. So when we finished I almost asked him but he suddenly said 'Oh, it's good that this will end' I asked him why but he said 'Well, we don't have to pretend anymore that we like each other'. I looked at him, startled by his words. He only looked at me and said 'It's not like we are friends, I still don't like you Bathory'."

"Really? After everything you did for him, he said this to you?"

Ferid smiled sadly and looked at his empty bowl.

"Yeah, after everything he said that to me. I looked at him really surprised. I couldn't believe what he said to me, because I really started to consider him as a friend. I even had a fight with my dad because of him, and after everything he said that he's grateful for my tutoring but that still didn't change our relationship and he wished me luck on the exams. Then he left me in the library, saying that he has a meeting with his girlfriend. I really was feeling awful. They say that when you are in love you feel butterflies in your stomach. Well, I didn't have them. I felt as if someone had poured a bucket of cold water over me"

"Well, I understand you. That guy acted like a real jerk."

"Yeah. I was so angry but, at the same time, I felt really hurt inside. You know, you have your first crush and you didn't even have a chance to confess your feelings because you got rejected even without telling him. Hurts like a bitch."

Ferid laughed but there was still sadness in his eyes.

"So that guy, did he pass his exams?"

Ferid sighed.

"I don't know, I wasn't interest in that anymore. But probably yes, because I'm an amazing teacher."

Ferid finally looked at him with his usual smile and Crowley still looked at him curiously.

"So, when he rejected you, you started to despise all kinds of relationships? Because you're scared that someone will hurt you again?"

Ferid laughed at his words.

"Oh silly, I'm not scared of that. I just know peoples' nature. You say I love you now, and then we start dating, but after a few months you see a person who is prettier than your partner and you cheat on him. You start arguing and then all these drama with parting ways. I just avoid things like that because they are useless to me."

Crowley didn't believe in Ferid's words. Of course he didn't hate relationships, he was just scared of rejection. He couldn't figure out if Ferid's story was true. There was something missing here but maybe it was only Crowley's imagination. Deep down something was telling him that it was only half of Ferid's story.

"Wait, you told me that your father wanted you to work in his company or study medicine, then why are you working in the bookshop?"

But at the same time Crowley's phone started ringing and Ferid pointed at it.

"You better pick it up."

Crowley did it reluctantly.

"Yeah?"

" _Oh Crowley, Lacus here. Boss said that you should come to the police station. Something about our night patrol."_

"Now?"

" _Yeah, he's sorry about that, but we really need you here."_

"Alright I'm on my way."

Crowley hung up and looked at Ferid.

"Work?" Ferid asked and Crowley nodded.

"Yeah, they need me. We will continue this talk some other time."

Ferid sent him a smile and Crowley stood up.

"Well, thank you for soup and…everything," Ferid said still looking at him. His smile was honest – he was grateful for his care.

"Don't mention it."

"Crowley."

Crowley looked at the pale man who was standing up.

"That idiot, Shinya. He's having his book premiere next week and he invited me. Would you like to come with me?"

Crowley smiled at him.

"I would love to."

"Great, then I will write you more details later!"

Then Crowley came close to Ferid. He touched Ferid's cheek and then he kissed him lightly on the cheek. Ferid looked at him surprised.

"Take care of yourself. See ya."

And then Crowley left him. Ferid was still standing in his living room, looking stupidly at the door. His cheeks were red but he told himself that it was his fever.

Because he didn't have feelings for Crowley.

 _What a liar_ , he thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _I hope you will never lie to me  
And if you do, I know I won't be your cry baby_

––––––––

Ferid stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He was preparing himself for Shinya's premiere at the book shop. He was wearing one of his best long sleeved shirts with tight jeans and a scarf. He was combing his hair into a ponytail, thinking about things.

Like Crowley Eusford.

Of course he was thinking about him. His conversations with Crowley took place a week ago. They met few times after that. Once Crowley visited him for a moment and then they only saw each other at the bookshop, but it was just a quick exchange of words. They didn't talk more about Ferid's past. And Ferid was okay with this, because he really didn't want to tell more about himself. Ferid didn't want to make Crowley too attached to him.

But today was different. Today they were going together to see Shinya's book premiere and Ferid was a little bit excited about it, but he didn't let it show.

He once again looked at himself and smiled. He was looking perfect, as always, and he wondered what Crowley will be wearing.

Speaking of, he looked at his phone. Crowley messaged him that he was on his way and Ferid put his phone to his pocket.

He remembered once again the time when he was ill. Crowley was really caring back then. He made a soup for him, took care of him and even gave him a ride home. But of course he wanted his reward – Ferid's past. That surprised Ferid but he decided to tell him what he considered appropriate.

And then Ferid invited him to Shinya's book premiere and Crowley kissed him.

On the cheek.

Crowley Eusford was really playing with him and that was new to Ferid. Usually he was the one who had everything under control but that day Ferid realized, that Crowley Eusford was indeed playing with him and he was testing his patience. But Ferid had enough of that. Today he will do things his own way.

He will go to bed with Crowley

If no he will end this strange relationship because it was getting weird, too comfortable, too intimate.

He was familiar with one night stands, but this? That was too new to Ferid and too complicated.

Deep down he liked spending time with Crowley but, at the same time, he didn't want Crowley too close to him. He already told him too much.

His phone rang and when Ferid saw Crowley's name on it he put his coat on and closed the door to his apartment.

––––––––

"Good evening, Crowley," Ferid greeted him, and Crowley smiled to him when the pale man entered Crowley's car.

"Good to see you too, Ferid, how are you feeling?"

"Oh, you're worrying about me? That's so nice of you~! But I'm fine, thank you for asking." Ferid winked to Crowley and then they started driving.

"So, are you excited for your friend's premiere?"

"Oh, don't call him my friend."

After a moment of silence Ferid sighed.

"Maybe a little bit. His book is good, but don't tell him~."

"Wait, I need to write a message for him, what was his name?"

Ferid slightly punched Crowley's arm and Crowley smiled.

"Oh, you jerk."

Every time they were together Ferid's mood was really good and he could tell that it was the same with Crowley.

Ferid looked more curiously at the man beside him. He was usually wearing black clothes but today he saw dark jeans and a gray shirt under Crowley's black, leather jacket. Probably it was his favorite jacket as Crowley was usually wearing it when he was in his civil clothes. But it wasn't bad, Ferid considered it sexy because it emphasized his muscles and Crowley was a well-built man. The jeans weren't helping much because they were…

"Do I look weird?"

"Pardon?"

"I see that you're staring at me."

Ferid cleared his throat a little embarrassed about being caught.

But he wasn't a shy person so he decided to go along with it.

"Oh, no! You caught me! But well, what can I say, I was only admiring the beauty."

And then he looked at him seductively. Crowley cleared his throat but despite the fact that it was dark already, Ferid saw a little blush on Crowley's cheeks. Bingo, now he was curious how long Eusford will endure.

"Well, thank you but it's hard to concentrate when I'm driving."

But Ferid didn't stop, he decided to take a risk again. He put his hand on Crowley's knee and slowly moved it to his thigh.

"You know, after this party we could spend some time together. For example at my place, or yours."

Ferid was still looking at him with shining eyes.

 _Come on, say something Eusford. I know you want it_ , he thought.

Crowley smiled while he was still driving, and touched Ferid's hand.

"You know that I'm driving and I can cause an accident if you keep doing this?"

Ferid frowned and sighed.

"But that doesn't mean that we can't spend time later," Crowley said and he winked to Ferid. The pale man smiled again. Oh, he will spend this night with Crowley for sure, and Crowley will be ashamed that they haven't done it earlier.

––––––––

When they arrived at the bookshop it was already crowded. Most of the people were Shinya's fans and some of them were journalist.

"Your friend is quite popular," said Crowley when they were entering the place.

"Yeah, you can say that."

They sat at the back because Ferid didn't want to be in the front. He liked to observe things from the back and he didn't want to be seen by Shinya immediately. Shinya could start saying some stupid things. He wanted to talk with him after this.

"So, what usually happens during events like that?" Crowley asked, still looking around.

"Well, first the author speaks about his book, then the journalists will ask him some questions and then he will sign his books and chat a little bit with his fans. Sometimes the author reads first chapter of his book but I'm not sure if Shinya will do it. That idiot is too shy for this, even if he's normally talking crap all day."

Crowley nodded and the people were still taking their places.

"So, how long do you know Shinya?"

"About nine months. I met him in our bookshop. I told him my opinion on his book and instead of telling me that I'm crazy he was so excited that he wanted to meet with me again. Really, that guy was stalking me and going to our place almost every day to talk with me until I agreed to meet with him. Idiot."

Crowley was listening to him, smiling.

"So you decided to help him? That's kind of you."

"Oh, stop it-"

"Good evening everybody."

Everyone were sitting and in the front there was a lady with a microphone. She was tall with long, brown hair. Ferid assumed that she was Shinya's editor because he told Ferid about her once.

"I hope that all of you are sitting but let's not make it too long. Everyone, let's greet Shinya Hiiragi, the author of _"Into our deepest fear"._

The people started applauding and even Ferid joined but less excited than them. Unlike the others here he was seeing Shinya too much in his life.

"Good evening everyone! I hope all of you came here safely!"

Some of the girls laughed and Ferid looked at them. Poor girls, if they only knew that Shinya wasn't swinging that way.

"So, that's Shinya?"

"Yeah, that's the idiot."

"He is pretty."

Ferid looked at Crowley a little shocked but the policeman was smiling to himself. Oh, not again! He was playing with him again!

"Well, maybe. But his character is awful," Ferid said, but he could admit that Shinya was indeed a good looking guy with his blue eyes and white hair. Not his type, but still handsome. But he would never tell this out loud.

"If you say so. But well, not my type."

 _Thank god_ , Ferid thought but he wanted to punch himself for that.

"But, like I said, he's stupid and hopelessly in love with his friend whose name I don't know. The only thing I know is that 'the guy' broke up with his girlfriend few years ago so Shinya hopes that now they have a chance. I feel a little bit sorry for him."

"Why?" Crowley asked.

"Well, he's spent most of his life admiring a guy who is probably heterosexual so he doesn't have a chance, yet he's still in love with him."

"And that's why you call him an idiot? Well, you know that love comes in different shapes. He loves him but maybe being with his loved one is enough for Shinya. Maybe he's happy with this."

Ferid looked at Crowley curiously. There was something in Crowley's eyes that made him shiver, so he looked back at Shinya who was talking about his book.

"Maybe you're right."

––––––––

"But I can tell you that in the end things will get better."

Shinya winked to his audience and people laughed.

"I was a little scared when I started writing this. I didn't know if I could write this, starting a new series is always a bit risky after a success of your first one. But like the main character I had people who were supporting me in my hardest moments."

Shinya saw Ferid at the back and smiled to him. Ferid only rolled his eyes but Shinya was happy that his friend was here too.

He wished Guren would be too.

" _What do you mean?" Shinya asked Guren from the couch._

 _Guren was putting his coat on while brushing his hair. He was a little bit late._

" _We have a meeting at school and I will try my best to make it on time but I might be a little late Shinya. I'm really sorry._

 _Shinya felt sad. He really needed Guren._

" _Oh, I…understand."_

 _Shinya looked at the floor. He felt a hand on his arm and he looked up. Guren was standing in front of him with a little smile._

" _I said that I won't make it on time, not that I won't come. I will do everything to be there."_

 _Shinya put a fake smile on his face._

" _You better be! Or I won't cook for you anymore!"_

But Guren wasn't here and Shinya felt a wave of anxiety. Guren was his strength and he needed him in moments like this. He squeezed his hand, trying to maintain his fake smile but then the door opened.

Guren was looking like he just ran a marathon but he was there. Guren started to apologize to some people and then he sat on his place. He waved shyly to Shinya and then Shinya smiled cheerfully.

Guren was here.

He came to see him in this important moment. Shinya felt like he could do anything now.

"So, any questions~?"

––––––––

After almost an hour of questions and discussion, the manager said that they will have a ten minute break and then Shinya will start giving autographs.

Excited girls and some other people were slowly forming up a queue but Ferid and Crowley were standing at the back.

"You don't want an autograph?"

"Nah, that idiot probably already has a special copy for me prepared at home, with dedication and something like that."

Ferid remembered Shinya talking about a special copy only for Ferid and that he would give it to him later. To show him his gratitude.

"So, what now?"

"Now I need to see this idiot, tell him how stupid his talk was and then we can go home."

He called it 'stupid talk' but the truth was that Ferid was listening to him the whole time, interested. Crowley was really amused with how cute Ferid was when he was denying his friendship with Shinya.

"Ferid! You came!"

Shinya was heading their way with a big, goofy smile.

"You asked me, so here I am."

"Oh, and Crowley, nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, nice to meet you too."

They shook their hands and Ferid was looking at both of them with curiosity.

"When I told Ferid that he could bring you too I thought that he wouldn't do that, but here you are. I'm proud of you, Ferid!"

Ferid only rolled his eyes and Crowley smiled.

"Stop it, idiot. You're alone? Your crush didn't come to see you?"

Shinya smiled even wider if it was possible and Ferid only raised his eyebrows curiously.

"Well, he's here~! It's time for you two to meet him. Hey, Guren! Come here!"

That name made Ferid shiver. Years later and he still hated the sound of it. But well, coincidence, right?

"You're so loud, Shinya."

But that voice.

Ferid felt cold and nervous.

He couldn't be?

"Yeah, but you will finally meet my so called 'imagined friend', you heard that Ferid? He thinks that I imagined you!"

Ferid heard Crowley laugh. He probably said something too but Ferid didn't hear it. When Shinya's friend came to them the whole world stopped.

For a moment Ferid wasn't in the bookshop. He was once again a teenager, sitting in a library with a boy.

 _Ferid was looking at the page with chemistry reactions._

" _I'm surprised, there're no mistakes here. Well done, Ichinose."_

 _Guren stretched his arms and yawned._

" _Good, I would be angry if all this studying was a waste of time."_

 _Ferid only rolled his eyes and then he smiled a bit. He was also a little nervous because he saw on the clock that their meeting will end soon and he was planning to ask Guren out._

" _So, that's it. Our last study session, because exams are next week."_

 _He looked at Guren and Guren was only looking at his phone._

" _Oh, it's good that this will end."_

 _Ferid raised his eyebrows a little bit surprised._

" _Why?"_

" _Because, you know. Now we don't have to pretend anymore that we like each other."_

 _Ferid looked at him shocked. He wanted to say something but his words were stuck in his throat. For the first time he didn't have words to respond with. Pretend? He wasn't pretending, he really liked Guren and considered him as his friend in his own way. Yes, he wasn't nice to him all the time but that was his way of showing his feelings. He wasn't a type of person who was nice because he always was telling what HE considered appropriate._

 _But hearing this from Guren's mouth? Ferid was taken aback._

 _Finally Guren looked at him with bored expression._

" _I mean, I'm grateful for what you've done for me, finally I feel like I can do it, but I still don't like you Bathory."_

 _It hurts. Ferid looked away from him and stared at the floor. His eyes stung but he didn't want to cry in front of Guren so he kept his tears inside and that made it even more painful._

 _He wasn't the nicest person but he thought that Guren enjoyed their meetings a little bit and their conversations about chemistry because it was the subject that both of them loved. That was also the reason why the teacher asked Ferid to tutor Guren, because Guren wanted to be chemistry teacher in the future._

 _Guren stood up and hid his phone._

" _I must go to meet with my girlfriend. Thank you again and good luck on your exams."_

 _Ferid didn't look at him._

" _Y-yeah."_

 _His voice was weak and he was surprised that he was able to say it out loud. He heard Guren's footsteps walking away. Ferid bit his lip and squeezed his hands._

 _Cold, he felt so cold and hurt. He read once that the feeling of first love can be compared to butterflies fluttering in the stomach, but what he felt wasn't that nice. He felt like somebody was tearing him apart from the inside._

" _I hate you."_

 _He only said quietly._

Back then he felt betrayed but now he knew that what he felt for Guren wasn't love, it was just a stupid crush. Or more like he just wanted to hang out with him, be friends with him. But it hurt.

Seeing this man in front of him made all these feelings come back to him.

He was standing in front of Ferid. He was the same height as him, maybe Ferid was a little bit shorter, and Guren had black, messy hair just like during high school.

He was still handsome but while looking at him, Ferid didn't feel attracted to him like back then, he only felt betrayal and pain. And hate too, for Guren not even giving him a chance to confess or to say something back.

"Ferid, are you okay?"

Then he realized that all of them were looking at him but, once again, he couldn't find any suitable words. He only opened his mouth and then he closed it. Guren was looking strangely at him.

"Wait, did you say Ferid? Are you Ferid Bath-"

"Sorry, I need some fresh air."

He couldn't stand it anymore so he went to the door, while putting his coat on, and then he left.

––––––––

Shinya and Crowley stared surprised at the leaving Ferid.

"I don't know what's happened, I should probably check what's wrong with him," Crowley said looking a little worried, Shinya nodded.

"Go after him."

Crowley left them too and Guren sighed.

"Can somebody explain to me what just happened?"

Shinya looked at him curiously.

"You better tell me, he wasn't like that before you came up to us. Do you know each other?"

Guren sighed once again. He could really use a strong drink right now.

"Well, you said Ferid Bathory, right?" Shinya nodded "Well, I used to know him. We went to the same high school."

"WHAT?!" Shinya stared at him shocked.

"Don't look at me like that! I didn't know that you were friends with him, hell, I didn't even recognize him at first sight because of his long hair, they were shorter in high school. Anyway, we were not best friends. We despised each other."

Shinya was still looking at him in a weird way, thinking hard about something.

"I mean, I tried to be nice to him once, telling him that he should enjoy his life more, and not only try living up to his father's standards and to get a praise from him. But he got very angry about this and then we started hating each other. I called him cocky asshole, he called me an overgrowth idiot. Anyway he was a weird guy, I mean, he was really smart but he had some kind of daddy issues because he did everything for his father. And then the teacher said that he would give me some lessons…"

"Oh my God."

Shinya stared at Guren in shock.

"It was you."

"Me? Care to explain?"

But Shinya was thinking very fast right now. Back to the time when Ferid told him a bit about why he despised relationship so much. He said that he was hurt by someone he was teaching once and he didn't even had a chance to confess his feelings.

It was Guren. Guren rejected Ferid.

"You idiot."

"What?! Now I'm an idiot? Can someone explain to me what is wrong with all this drama? And who was that tall guy with Ferid?"

"Shinya!"

Shinya's manager came to them.

"It's time for your autographs. People are waiting."

"All right, I'm coming."

Shinya wanted to go but Guren took his hand. The white haired man looked at him and sighed.

"I must go now but we will talk later. Stay here and don't look for Ferid. I think you two should talk but not now."

And then he went away leaving Guren confused. Seriously, what was going on?

––––––––

When Ferid was out he went few steps away and then he stopped. He leaned against a wall and closed his eyes for a moment.

His breathing was fast and he wished he was smoking because he could probably use some cigarette right now. But he didn't smoke.

That night was supposed to look differently. He thought that after a nice evening he would play with Crowley, but right now his mind was filled with really bad memories from high school.

He almost jumped when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Are you okay?"

He opened his eyes and saw Crowley. He was looking worried, just like when Ferid was sick.

"Yeah, I just needed to take some fresh air. You know, too many people and I felt a little bit dizzy."

"You knew Guren, right?"

Gosh, Crowley was too smart sometimes. Ferid took a deep breath and looked away. There was no point in lying.

"Remember our last conversation?"

Crowley nodded and then his expression changed to surprise.

"Guren, it was him? The boy who you were tutoring? "

Ferid smiled weakly and closed his eyes again.

"Now I feel even worse for Shinya. He fell for a total idiot and jackass."

He felt that Crowley squeezed a hand on Ferid's arm and Ferid opened his eyes.

"Let's go somewhere, we still have the whole night."

Ferid looked at him surprised.

"Excuse me?"

"You wanted to have fun, so let's go have some fun. We will drink and dance and you will forget about that asshole."

He took Ferid's hand in his own and then he dragged him in the direction of the clubs.

"But your car-"

"I will get it in the morning. Let's go."

They were walking fast and when they entered the club Ferid realized that it was a good idea. When he heard loud music he felt like he could forget about this stupid meeting, about Guren, about his past. Because seeing Guren reminded him of THAT day. That day when everything fucked up.

They went to the bar and sat next to each other. There was a lot of people because it was Saturday night. Crowley ordered two shots and they drank them fast.

"One more," said Ferid. He really felt like he could get drunk today, just to forget.

Crowley didn't say anything, he only nodded and ordered more.

"You know, that jackass is still looking good but when I saw him I only felt hurt. Funny, right? I'm so pathetic."

"No, you're not. It's good that you realized that it was just a crush and you got over it….I think."

Ferid smiled weakly and drank his shot.

"Yeah, I really don't feel anything towards him. Anyway, tell me something, it doesn't matter what, just so I can forget that stupid meeting."

And then they started talking, Crowley just told him stories from his job and Ferid was listening to him patiently.

After an hour of drinking both of them were drunk and Ferid was laughing when Crowley was telling him a story where Lacus was taking a cat off the tree and he ended up stuck there with a cat.

"You should have seen his face when he realized how high it was. I still have a photo and I threaten him that I will send it to his boyfriend."

Ferid only shook his head with tears in his eyes, laughing hard.

"Oh my god, that must have been priceless!"

They both took another shots and then Ferid stood up. He gave his hand to Crowley.

"Come on, we're dinking but we're in a club, time for a dance."

"But you know that I can't dance Ferid."

"Shut up, no excuses, you said to me that this is my night."

Crowley stood up, sighing, and then they went to the dance floor.

Ferid started dancing and he finally realized that he felt a lot better. He forgot about Guren, about his past.

Now he was here, with Crowley, dancing together.

He didn't hesitate to touch Crowley like he did when they were on their first so called 'date'. Crowley wasn't complaining about this so he didn't stop. First he touched his chest. Oh, he loved it and he couldn't wait to see what was under Crowley's shirt - to kiss him there.

Crowley pulled him to himself and Ferid looked at him seductively. He saw desire in Crowley's eyes and he blinked to him flirtatiously because Ferid knew that he had long eyelashes and he looked beautiful with this look.

Ferid looked down and his hand slid below to Crowley's hips. He was touching him there gently to tease him. Looking at Crowley's pants, Ferid licked his lips and couldn't wait to take them off.

Was it the time when, after a month of waiting, he will finally go to bed with him?

Ferid put his hands on Crowley's neck and looked at him again. There were a lot of people around them but right now, for him, there was only Crowley. His thumb was touching Crowley's jawline and he bit his lip.

Then Crowley's face was few inches from his, but he only whispered to his ear. "What about changing places?"

Ferid smiled to himself. Bingo, he will get what he want.

"I thought you will never say that~."

Ferid took Crowley's hand and then they took their belongings and left the club.

Because both of them were drunk and Crowley's car was near the bookshop, they caught a taxi. Ferid told the driver his address.

Ferid was looking at Crowley from the corner of the eye. Crowley was pretending that he didn't noticed, looking through the window, but Ferid saw that he was a bit twitchy.

Smiling to himself, Ferid wanted to take Crowley's hand but not now. Now he will play with him a little bit longer just like Eusford was playing with him for the whole month.

He wanted Crowley right now but he could wait. He waited for a whole fucking month, so few minutes didn't make a difference.

When they arrived, which took too long for Ferid's liking, he paid the driver. Both of them were silent the whole ride and they weren't talking even now.

Ferid opened the door to his flat and they went inside. Crowley looked around.

"You know I never told you that-"

He didn't finish because Ferid grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him against the wall and then he kissed him hard on the mouth.

At first Crowley was shocked but then Ferid felt him putting his tongue inside his mouth.

Finally he kissed Crowley. And there was no fucking rain, no fucking phone or anything like that.

There were only two of them, and Ferid's cat that was probably somewhere in the house, but no one would prevent them from going to bed.

Ferid deepened the kiss, their bodies were touching because of their closeness. Crowley's hand was at Ferid's waist and he was pulling Ferid to himself even more. Crowley's lips tasted like the shots they were drinking, but they were also surprisingly soft.

Ferid broke their kiss, smiling to Crowley.

"You wanted to say something?"

Crowley smiled at him, still looking at his lips.

"Well, you know, I was thinking how long you will endure without kissing. I mean, our firs date, then the journey. It could have been sexy if we had kissed back then in the leaves-"

"You were playing with me you asshole, weren't you?"

Crowley only smiled playfully and touched Ferid's cheek with his thumb.

"Well, I enjoyed this little game but I can say it was worth it."

Ferid was still close to him, his face few inches from Crowley's. Crowley could see Ferid's long eyelashes and his own reflection in shorter man's eyes.

"Well then, I think I need to punish you now for this."

Ferid put his hands on Crowley's neck and then he slightly bit Crowley's lip, but not enough to hurt him or leave a mark. Then, smiling playfully, he kissed him once again, hard, grabbing him by his hair. Crowley wasn't surprised, he was smiling too, pretty excited, and he grabbed Ferid by his ass. The smaller man deepened his kiss and for a moment Crowley forgot how to breathe. Ferid's lips were so soft, yet what he did with his tongue was amazing.

They parted once again to take their breaths.

"As much as I enjoy getting your punishment that night is about you."

Ferid looked at him confused and Crowley touched Ferid's face with his hands. His thumb stroking Ferid's lips.

"I will show you that Guren was an asshole for ignoring you and you are worth everything. I will give you what you need."

Ferid, surprised, didn't have a chance to answer back because Crowley closed the distance between them once again with a kiss. But this time the tall man picked Ferid up and now Ferid's legs were wrapped around Crowley's waist. Ferid put his hands on Crowley's neck and then Crowley took him to the bedroom.

He put him carefully on the bed, still kissing. Then he threw away Ferid's coat and his hand went under Ferid's long sleeved shirt. He touched Ferid's hot skin, first his torso and then he went to his nipple, squeezing it a bit.

He heard Ferid's moan and felt hands pulling at his hair.

He didn't hesitate long and took away Ferid's shirt in one movement. Ferid was now only in his pants and Crowley parted their lips so he could look at him properly.

"What are you waiting for? Take off your clothes as well," Ferid said, breathing heavily. His pale cheeks were flushed right now and his hair were messy. Crowley smiled to him.

"Sorry, I was just enjoying the view."

"But I want to enjoy it as well~."

Crowley looked at him and then he took his t-shirt off. Ferid looked at him and he licked his lips, looking at Crowley with desire in his eyes.

Ferid knew that Crowley was well build but seeing him naked was way better than seeing him in his black shirts or leather jacket. His skin was a little bit darker than Ferid's. Ferid touched Crowley's chest and Crowley pushed him on the bed.

First, Crowley stared kissing Ferid's lips, then he went to his jawline, licking it. Ferid moaned once again and put his hands on Crowley's back.

Then Crowley put his lips on Ferid's neck, almost biting him there. Ferid was panting. Crowley was so good at kissing and Ferid couldn't wait to feel him inside of him.

When Crowley bit his nipple Ferid moaned once again, his body felt like it was on fire from Crowley's touch. Crowley was still smiling seeing what his kisses were doing to Ferid. He kissed his stomach and then Crowley started kissing Ferid's hips, near the place where his belt was.

"Fuck, Crowley, don't play with me, take my pants off!"

Ferid panted, his hand in Crowley's hair, making it look even messier.

"So bossy."

Crowley unbuttoned Ferid's pants, taking them slowly off.

"You're really taking too long."

"Oh, I just want to enjoy you more."

Without his pants on Ferid shivered, but then Crowley took one of his legs and started kissing it. He started with a knee and then Crowley went higher, kissing his thigh.

Hearing Ferid's moan he kissed his abdomen, near the edge of his briefs.

"Fuck, Crowley!"

"What?"

"Just…stop doing it!" Ferid panted. "I want you inside!"

Crowley stroked Ferid's tight, still looking at the man underneath him. He was lying, breathing fast and looking at Crowley with desire.

Crowley was playing with him but the truth was that he only wanted to show affection to Ferid. Show him that he wanted Ferid as much as Ferid wanted Crowley. Show him some love and desire. Crowley wanted to feel Ferid.

"The lube is in the nightstand."

Crowley took it and then he stared once again at Ferid. First, he took off Ferid's briefs and for a moment he enjoyed the view, but seeing Ferid getting irritated, he squeezed the lube on his fingers. He put one finger in and Ferid opened his mouth.

"Finally!" Ferid breathed.

Ferid grabbed him by his arms, pulling Crowley closer to him and Crowley was kissing Ferid's neck, licking his collarbones. Then he put second finger in and finally, the third one. He started moving them and Ferid was now breathing fast, moaning.

"Crowley!" he shouted his name, and Crowley kissed Ferid. Their kisses were now sloppy, fast and wet.

When Crowley felt that Ferid was ready, he entered him, and Ferid's eyes for a moment went wide. Both of them were breathing fast, covered in sweat.

Ferid felt great finally feeling Crowley moving inside of him.

He wanted him the moment they saw each other. Usually when he wanted something he got it immediately, but what he had with Crowley was weird, yet it made their sex even better. Because both of them wanted each other for a long time and finally they got what they wanted.

For the first time someone treated Ferid like that. Usually it was just sex, no feelings no bounds. It was done just to satisfy the thirst.

But Crowley's hands were so gentle on his body and that made Ferid even more thirsty if it was even possible. When he saw Crowley standing in front of him, naked, for a moment he compared him to some kind of god, or a hero because of his gorgeous body.

Now both of them, covered in their sweat, probably looked less attractive. Ferid felt Crowley's hands in his hair. The taller man ruined his hairstyle because he felt his tangled hair falling loose on the pillow.

Feeling Crowley inside made Ferid feel alive once again. Because well, he didn't have sex for a month and that was long for Ferid. He wasn't addicted to it, but sex was what let him forget about everything and for a moment he felt wanted, desired by someone else.

But he didn't have sex with anyone else when he was seeing somebody, even if they were together just for sex. He wasn't a slut. And because he was meeting with Crowley right now, he hasn't been sleeping with anyone else. That would make him an awful person.

His vision brightened when he felt Crowley inside of him and he scratched Crowley's back, probably leaving marks.

He moaned Crowley's name and then Crowley said his name in such a way, that Ferid couldn't hold it back anymore.

When both of them came they parted, catching their breaths on Ferid's bed.

Both of them were breathing hard, covered in sweat with their hair tangled.

"Well, I must say Crowley that was good."

Crowley laughed, looking at Ferid.

"I was intending to do it well."

After a few minutes Ferid stood up and looked at Crowley.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh~ Now I'm going to punish you, dear Crowley."

"What? Now?! But we-"

Ferid then sat on Crowley, looking at him a little bit sadistic and then he put Crowley's hands upward.

"Don't move, now it's my turn."

He kissed Crowley hard on the mouth, biting his lip. Then he licked his jawline, just like Crowley did earlier and started kissing his neck. But he wasn't as gentle as Crowley, and he made sure to leave some hickeys on Crowley's neck.

"Did you just…made a hickey?"

"Yeah~."

"God, Ferid, you naughty-"

But Ferid closed his lips with another kiss.

"Less talking, more watching."

And then he started kissing his torso, admiring Crowley's well-build body. He sucked one of Crowley's nipples and Crowley moaned Ferid's name, especially when Ferid bit on it. Ferid smiled playfully, kissing his stomach and leaving marks there. He liked leaving hickeys.

Now it was Crowley who was breathing very fast and Ferid could see that he was hard again.

"Well, dear policeman, up to round two?" Ferid said, his face near Crowley's thighs. He was touching them softly, still looking at Crowley.

"Just… do it, gosh."

Ferid smiled meanly.

"I just need one magical word, mister policeman."

He licked his thigh and Crowley moaned.

"Fuck! Just…fuck me…please."

"As you wish~."

That night Ferid felt something more than just sex. Crowley helped him to forget about his problems, showed him affection that, Ferid was ashamed to confess, he liked. That night Ferid also repaid Crowley by showing him what 'heaven' felt like.

Because Ferid may be weird but he was a king in a bedroom.

––––––––

I must confess that it was my frist time writing smut XD I have never done it before, even in my own language so I hope that scene was okay xD


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _I think I worry a lot  
I need to take it easy_

––––––––

Ferid slowly opened his eyes and immediately felt a very bad headache. He groaned and closed his eyes again. He hated hangovers.

Then he realized that someone was holding him and he tried to remember what happened yesterday.

Suddenly everything came back to him. His meeting with Crowley, Shinya's book premiere and meeting with Guren. Oh, and after that he went drinking with Crowley. And then they slept together.

That explains the strong arms wrapped around him.

Ferid opened his eyes once again and tried to turn around. He saw sleeping Crowley next to him. The man was holding Ferid in his arms, sleeping peacefully.

Ferid touched his face gently, trying not to wake him up.

Everything concerning Crowley was so weird. He usually didn't wake up in his bed with his partners, and even if he did, they weren't as close as he was with Crowley now.

Last night was amazing. Having sex with Crowley was worth waiting for and the man gave Ferid memories that he won't forget that easily. And that bothered Ferid, because Crowley was so gentle and so affectionate with him. He wasn't familiar with that. Of course there was desire between them, but Ferid was afraid that Crowley was falling in love with him and he needed to clear things up with Crowley. Remind him that he wasn't a dating type and what they had wasn't love. They were just meeting together for fun, nothing more.

"You're admiring the view?"

Crowley suddenly spoke and Ferid took his hand away.

"Oh, so confident~," said Ferid.

Crowley didn't open his eyes. Instead he hugged Ferid even closer and laid his head in the crook of Ferid's neck. Ferid felt a warm breath on his naked skin.

"What are you doing?"

"Sleeping, you should go to sleep too, it's Sunday."

Ferid looked at him curiously. He wasn't a hugging type so he didn't know what to do. He sighed and started brushing Crowley's hair. They were loose now and tangled on his back. Ferid remembered grabbing Crowley's hair while they were kissing. For the first time he saw Crowley with his hair loose and he thought that Crowley looked very sexy like that.

"How long will you be sleeping?" Ferid asked him, still playing with Crowley's hair.

"What, you're bored?"

"What if I am?"

Crowley smiled to himself and finally opened his eyes. He pushed himself up and looked at Ferid, smiling.

"Good morning."

"Good mo-"

But Ferid didn't finish because Crowley gave him a kiss on the lips. It was just a quick peck, not as passionate as yesterday, but still a kiss.

"Ugh, you didn't brush your teeth."

Crowley looked at Ferid surprised and then laughed.

"Seriously? I'm kissing you and you're telling me that my breath smells?"

"Yeah, it's called morning breath and I hate it."

"Too bad because I don't care about it."

Crowley kissed him once again but Ferid didn't let him be in command and he quickly turned them around. Now Ferid was on top of Crowley.

"I said to stop it~."

Crowley was smiling at him playfully, admiring the view. Ferid was sitting on him, still naked, with his hair loose.

"Alright, I will stop!"

"And why are you smiling like an idiot?"

"Well, let's just say I enjoy having you on top of me."

Ferid blushed a little bit but decided to play along, so instead he just leaned and kissed Crowley on the lips. It was more passionate than their earlier kiss and Crowley put his hands in Ferid's hair, pulling him closer to himself, but Ferid backed off quickly.

"I thought that you hated morning kisses?" Crowley asked.

"Oh, shut up!"

But when Crowley wanted to kiss him again Ferid put a finger to his lips.

"No more, I need to wash myself. I'm sticky."

"But I don't care-"

Ferid laughed and then he stood up, his back to Crowley. He was still naked and he knew Crowley was staring at him.

"So, what do you want for breakfast?" Crowley asked with bored tone.

Ferid, on his way to the bathroom, stopped and looked at him confused.

"Breakfast?"

"Yeah, I will make something. I told you that you will taste my cooking."

That was so normal for Crowley but for Ferid it was, once again, something new that he only shared with Crowley. Having breakfast together was acting like a couple. He wanted to refuse, to tell Crowley that he should go because he only wanted sex with him, but instead he said something different.

"You can do whatever you want."

And then he left to take a quick shower.

––––––––

Crowley was preparing scrambled eggs because Ferid's fridge was almost empty and eggs were the only thing that he found.

He was putting eggs on the pan when he saw Ferid's cat looking at him curiously.

"Mika, right? Don't look at me like that, you won't get anything."

The cat only meowed looking sad and Crowley sighed.

"Alright, show me where is your food, demon."

Crowley found it under the sink and put it in the bowl. The cat licked his hand and Crowley smiled at it, patting it.

"I can't believe he didn't scratch you."

"Maybe he likes me."

"He likes food, not you."

Ferid was standing in the living room. His hair was still wet and he was brushing it with the towel. He was wearing only boxers and black, loose shirt. Crowley looked at him, smiling.

"Maybe you're right. The breakfast is ready, sit down."

Ferid nodded and then he just put his hair into a messy bun so they wouldn't bother him while eating.

They sat together and started eating.

"Hmm, this is delicious.~"

"Thank you."

They were eating in silence, enjoying their breakfast together. Crowley was looking from time to time at Ferid. He was thinking about something, because it was unusual for him to stay quiet that long.

"I will take a quick shower after this and then I need to go back for my car."

Ferid looked at him.

"Oh, I forgot about it. You better take care of it."

Crowley nodded but then Ferid put his fork down and stared at Crowley.

"But before you go, we need to talk."

Crowley looked at him curiously but he didn't seem surprised. He was expecting that Ferid would want to talk with him, probably about their night. He was only curious what will the shorter man tell him.

"Alright, I'm listening to you, Ferid."

Ferid was looking at him with his usual smile but there was something different in his eyes.

"Last night was good and I really enjoyed it."

"Me as well, so what's the point of this conversation?"

Ferid laughed.

"My, Crowley, you're so impatient. What I want to say is that, I enjoyed our time and I would like to do it again in the future but you must know one thing. What we are doing, or will be doing if you will be okay with this, isn't a relationship."

Crowley looked at him, curiously. There it was, he saw it coming.

"Oh, so what is it then?"

Ferid took one of his bangs in his hand and played with it.

"We're meeting, enjoying our time but I'm not in love with you, you're not in love with me. No feelings, just having fun together."

"Something like friends with benefits?"

"We're not-" Ferid cleared his throat. "I mean, you can name it like that if you insist, but yeah, something like that. We can end this whenever we want to, without any drama. So I'm asking you, are you really okay with this?"

Ferid was looking at him intensely and Crowley crossed his arms, looking at him with his usual expression - without showing any emotions.

"Yeah, I'm okay with that. No feelings, just fun."

Ferid smiled at him once again and took his fork, continuing eating.

"I'm glad then that we settled our 'relationship'."

Crowley nodded and observed the other man. Crowley agreed to Ferid's terms but he didn't agree with him completely. He had faith that Ferid will realize that Crowley would never hurt him and he could trust him.

He wanted to cure Ferid from his odd behavior and aversion to relationships. He was interested in Ferid for sure. It wasn't love. Yet.

But he knew that he was falling a little bit for Ferid each time he learned a new thing about him.

He only hoped that Ferid would open himself up. Crowley didn't have to be that person who Ferid would love, but at least he wanted to help him.

"So, I think I will take a shower."

––––––––

Crowley left Ferid because he had to get back to his car, and Ferid sat on his couch with book but once again, he couldn't focus.

Too many thoughts.

His pet was lying on him, he scratched it behind his ears.

He was glad that Crowley agreed to his rules. He didn't want to end this relationship so fast.

He groaned, he really didn't recognize himself these days.

Then his phone rung and he took it.

"Hello?"

" _Ferid! You picked up! I was sending you messages the whole night but you didn't answer!"_

He heard Shinya's voice and looked at his phone. He saw 15 messages and he assumed that all of them were from Shinya.

"Well, I didn't have time yesterday, I was busy~."

Shinya laughed.

" _Busy? Ohohoh with Crowley? Anyway, I want to talk with you! But not on the phone, so what about coming to my place? We could chat a little bit and I would give you your book!"_

Ferid thought for a moment but then he realized one thing. Shinya was living with his crush aka Guren Ichinose who was Ferid's enemy. He groaned.

"Why at your place? What about-"

" _Oh, Guren won't be here, he's working with Goshi. So, what do you think?"_

Ferid closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

"All right, I will come. Just give me some time to prepare myself."

" _I will be waiting then~."_

––––––––

Ferid came out from the elevator. He was looking for a flat number forty six.

"Forty four, forty five, oh, there it is."

He knocked at the door and waited patiently, putting his hands to the pockets of his coat. He was cold because it was the beginning of December and the weather was really cold lately.

The door opened but instead of Shinya he saw another person.

"Ferid?"

"Guren," Ferid said, not hiding his disappointment.

Both of them were surprised seeing each other.

"What are you doing here?"

"You tell me. I came to see Shinya."

"Oh, he went grocery shopping. He will be back in a few minutes."

Ferid nodded and for a moment there was an awkward silence between them.

"So, you want to come inside? You can wait for him."

Ferid wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Guren wasn't supposed to be here! Did Shinya make it on purpose?!

"Yeah."

Ferid entered the flat and Guren closed the door. It was a small place. The living room was connected to the small corridor where there stood a big wardrobe. He saw the door to the kitchen and some other doors. One of them was opened and he assumed it was Guren's bedroom because he didn't see many notes or books there.

"You can sit on the couch, he will be here soon."

Great, more awkwardness. Ferid saw that Guren was looking at him a little bit curious, and nervous.

"You don't have to talk with me, you know? Go back to preparing yourself or whatever you were doing, I will wait patiently. Just ignore me, this will be better," Ferid said, taking his coat off without even looking at Guren.

"Yeah, make yourself home."

Guren went to his bedroom but Ferid didn't even managed to take out his phone from his pocket, when Guren came back.

"Okay, fuck this, we really need to talk."

Guren sat on the armchair in front of Ferid.

"Talk? I don't know why-"

"What was that? At the party? Why did you run away?"

Ferid groaned and rolled his eyes.

"I didn't 'run away', I was feeling dizzy, I needed fresh air."

"Bullshit, I know it was because of me."

"Oh, selfish as always. Not everything is about you, Ichinose."

Ferid looked at him annoyed. God, he regretted immediately that he came here. He should have just ignored Shinya's invitation.

"Shinya told me."

Ferid's eyes widened. What Shinya told him? That he had his little crush on him back then? Oh god, he would kill that idiot.

"What exactly did he tell you?"

For a moment his voice sounded weak but he cleared his throat. He would rather die than show weakness in front of Guren.

"He told me that I acted like a jackass telling you that I hated you."

Ferid sighed in relief. Okay, Shinya will live a little bit longer.

"And I realized that, indeed, he was right. You helped me with my studying and talked with me, but I still saw you as an asshole and that was very stupid of me. The real asshole was me. I wish I-"

"If you tell me that you're sorry I will kill you right now. It was a long time ago, I don't even remember it clearly so let's stop talking about that."

"But when you saw me-"

"Told you, dizzy, too many people and I'm anemic. Stop thinking about it."

Guren wanted to add something but he closed his mouth instead. Thank god he was quiet again.

"So, are you a chemistry teacher?" Ferid asked because he would rather hear about Guren that just sit here in this awkward silence. He really should have stayed at home and finished reading his book. Or just write to Crowley.

Wait, scratch the last one.

He would like to meet him.

And have sex again.

Seriously, what was wrong with him lately?

"Yeah, I passed all exams thanks to you."

"Well, I knew what I was doing~."

Guren snorted and shook his head.

"Self-confident as always. I'm working at school. The kids are driving me nuts sometimes but I enjoy my work."

Ferid nodded and looked at his phone. Where was Shinya? He really did it on purpose.

"What about you? I almost didn't recognize you because of your hair. Shinya told me that you're working at a bookshop but…that's strange. I thought that you will be working at your dad's company…"

Stop.

Just close your fucking mouth.

"I mean, you were talking about it or that you will be studying medicine or stuff like that, because you liked chemistry. So why the hell bookshop?"

At the same time the door to the flat opened and Shinya went inside. Ferid really sighed in relief and, probably for the first time in his life, he was glad that he saw Shinya.

"Oh, Ferid! You are already here! I wanted to write a message to you that I will be late, but my phone run out of battery."

 _You asshole, I know you're lying_ , Ferid though while he was waving his hand to Shinya.

"Oh, don't worry, I had a nice conversation with Guren, right?"

He looked at Guren with his fake smile and Guren shivered. The dark haired man cleared his throat and stood up.

"Well, yeah…It was nice seeing you again, Ferid…but I must go. I'm already late."

He put his jacket on.

"I will be late Shinya. Goodbye Ferid."

And then he closed the door.

"Oh, that Guren, he went so fast." Shinya took off his own coat and sat near Ferid.

"So, you talked with Guren?"

"You asshole, you did it on purpose so I could talk with him."

Shinya started laughing with his annoying laugh and Ferid wanted to punch him. Shinya then stood up.

"Maybe~. Who knows! But the important thing is that you two talked! So, Ferid, you want tea or coffee?"

Ferid rolled his eyes. He tried to remember why he came here. He didn't even like Shinya.

"Coffee. So, I talked with Guren, are you happy?"

Shinya went to the kitchen but Ferid could still see and hear him.

"Yeah! I mean, I realized that he was 'that person' when you left, and Guren told me that you were tutoring him. I was so surprised, you don't even know! But I thought that you two must talk."

"So you decided to tell him that he hurt my poor delicate heart by breaking it into a million pieces?" Ferid said ironically, and Shinya for a moment stopped and looked at Ferid.

"Of course not. Ferid, you're my friend and I know that telling me this was something personal and you don't want everyone to know about this. So I only said that he hurt you because he threated you like an object and acted like a jackass."

Ferid sighed.

"You know you didn't have to tell him this?"

"No, he had to apologize to you."

Ferid rolled his eyes and Shinya was back to preparing their coffee. Ferid was playing once again with his hair.

"Shinya, you should really give up on him. He's an idiot."

"I thought I'm an idiot?"

"No, he's worse. I mean, I met you once and I noticed that you have a big crush on your best friend, and him? How long are you living together? And yet he hadn't noticed that-"

Ferid heard a sound of something breaking and he stopped talking. For a moment it was silent but then he heard Shinya's laughter.

"Oh, I broke a cup! Pity, I liked it. So, Ferid, you want it sweet or bitter?"

Of course he ignored what he said. When Ferid was talking about his life Shinya was always giving him advices or persuading him, but when Ferid wanted to talk about Shinya's life and give him some advice, Shinya usually acted like he didn't hear anything.

"Make it sweet."

He would not persuade Shinya anymore. If he didn't want to talk about it then let it be. He will only get hurt in the future but that wasn't Ferid's business.

Shinya came back to the living room and put the cups on the coffee table.

"Wait here, I will give you your copy. I mean, that's why I called you here."

"Yeah."

Ferid sent him one of his death smiles but Shinya ignored it and went to his bedroom. Ferid saw tons of books on the floor and even more notes. Shinya's room was really a mess.

Ferid picked up his coffee and slowly took a sip of it as it was hot. Shinya returned quickly with a copy of his book.

"This is for you."

Ferid put his coffee back and took the book. On the cover there was a man surrendered by the darkness with the lantern in his hand. It really fit the story.

He opened it and on the front page he saw a dedication.

 _To Ferid, the only man who listened to me and helped me with writing this book. Without you this book would have never existed. Thank you._

Ferid felt touched. He was a book nerd and seeing a book dedicated only to him moved him. He stared at it and smiled to himself.

"You sentimental idiot," he only said, and Shinya smiled to him.

"I know you like it, you don't have to tell me."

Ferid cleared his throat and closed the book, putting it on the coffee table.

"Yeah, whatever."

"So, now you must tell me what happened yesterday!"

Of course that idiot was curious about it, he should have expected it, it was Shinya.

"Speaking of me again when you're avoiding the topic of your life?"

"Eh? I don't know what you're talking about, your life is more interesting! Because of a certain policeman."

Ferid rolled his eyes and Shinya was looking at him curiously, almost begging him to tell him more about his night with Crowley.

"Well, I went to the club with Crowley after he caught up to me."

"Ohohoh, didn't you say that you were feeling dizzy?"

Shinya smiled meanly but Ferid, once again, showed him his death smile.

"Yeah, but I felt better~. So we went to the club, drunk some shots and then danced."

"And then~?"

Gosh, that idiot was so curios.

"Then we went to my apartment-"

"OH MY GOSH DID YOU SLEEP TOGHETHER?!"

Shinya almost yelled excited about this, Ferid only stared at him.

"Sorry, but really?!"

"You're so noisy sometimes, but yes, we slept together."

"GOSH! I'm so happy for you! So what's now? He is your official boyfriend?"

"Of course not, remember, I don't date."

Shinya rolled his eyes.

"So what is he to you? Friend? Fuck buddy?"

"Something like that. No ties and feelings, just having fun."

"You will never change, do you?" Shinya asked him, looking at him a little bit worried but Ferid ignored him, drinking his coffee.

"I don't know what you are talking about~."

––––––––

Shinya was staring at the TV in his living room.

The conversation with Ferid really gave him a lot of unnecessary thoughts. He heard what Ferid said to him about Guren. Deep down he knew that maybe Ferid was right, that he was a fool wasting his time for something impossible. He also knew that Ferid said that because he was worried about him in his own twisted way.

He may be pushing everyone away but Shinya knew that he was important to Ferid and he wished that Crowley would be someone important in Ferid's life too, maybe even fix Ferid.

The door to his flat opened and he looked at it.

"I'm back," Guren said, and took his jacket off.

"Welcome back, how was the meeting?"

"Goshi was talking crap as always but we finished the most important things."

Shinya nodded and Guren sat near him.

"What are you watching?"

"How was your talk with Ferid?"

Guren groaned because Shinya ignored his question. The dark haired man groaned and closed his eyes.

"Really? You want to talk about this? I bet you asked Ferid about it."

"Yeah, but he has a different point of view."

"Well, I almost apologized to him but he stopped me saying that's not important to him anymore."

"That sounds like him."

Guren snorted.

"Yeah, he asked me about my work and then you came. We didn't kill each other, happy?"

Shinya nodded enthusiastically.

"So, is there something interesting on the TV-"

Guren didn't finish because he felt Shinya's arms around him.

"WHAT?! Shinya?!"

Shinya hugged him. He didn't know why he did it. Or he knew, because he needed him.

He was thinking about throwing his feeling for Guren away and he almost came to terms with it, but seeing Guren made everything fucked up once again.

Because he needed Guren in his life, he was his strength, his freedom, his refuge.

He could live with the fact that Guren didn't love him. He was okay with that as long as Guren was with him. But then he realized something.

Guren was a handsome man. Yes, he was still not completely over Mahiru but he was single. One day he will probably find another woman, he will fall in love with her, marry her and Shinya will be once again left alone.

That scared him and that's why he hugged him. To feel him, to make sure that he was real.

"Don't leave me," he whispered, and Guren was even more confused. Shinya was really acting strange today.

Guren gulped and took a deep breath. Damn, his heart was beating so fast, he didn't know why.

He heard what Shinya said and that made him worry.

"Stupid, why are you telling me this? I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere tonight."

Shinya smiled weakly. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes but he promised himself that he won't cry in front of Guren. So he took a deep breath and gently pushed Guren away.

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"Do-don't mind it. It's okay. I'm really here Shinya."

Shinya looked at him. Guren took Shinya's hand in his own and smiled to him a little bit.

 _Stop it, you're only making it worse by doing this_ , Shinya thought.

"So, there is some kind of horror movie this night. I heard that it's good."

"Okay then, will you watch it with me?" Guren asked, and Shinya nodded.

"I will make popcorn then!"

And then he went to the kitchen. Guren was looking at him curiously.

Shinya was acting strange lately but he wasn't feeling like himself too. He realized that he was staring at Shinya sometimes. He noticed some small things like the fact that Shinya was always playing with his hair when he was nervous, or that Shinya loved drinking coffee in the morning. Shinya was making dinner for them but Guren was the one in charge of making coffee for Shinya.

He smiled to himself. He really enjoyed his life with Shinya and was really used to it.

Something deep inside was telling him that what he felt for Shinya was more than just friendship.

But that scared Guren.

Yet Shinya was really important to him. It was just like lo-

His phone rang and he stopped thinking about Shinya for a moment.

He took his phone and stared at it shocked.

He had a message.

From Mahiru.

––––––––

Oh no! What is it?! A cliffhanger!  
I must warn you that the next chapters will end with cliffhanger ( I know I'm a horrible person but hey! at least you have regular updates!)  
We have some morning after this time and gosh, these two / I love writing CrowFeri fluff scenes with some teasing. I hope you like them as well.  
Now the question is what will Guren do? Will Ferid change? Will Crowley change Ferid? So many things will happen in the next one and I'm so excited about posting these chapters because finally there is some action XD  
As always, I'm waiting for your comments and see you next Thursday! (and pls wish me luck on my exams next week ;-;)

oh and also!  
I want to thank Condesa sangrienta ! Your comments alwas make me happy (even if i'm reading them with translator XD which is funny because you're reading my fic with translator as well xD) I'm so happy that you enjoy my story and I hope you will stay with me till the end of it! GRACIAS!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _Now I know, you should go_

––––––––

The sound of alarm clock woke Ferid up and he groaned when he heard it. He slowly opened his eyes and turned it off.

Crowley was hugging him and the policeman moved slowly.

"Crowley, I need to stand up," Ferid told his partner, but the tall man only groaned and hugged him tighter.

They spent the night together once again and this time they were at Crowley's place. Ferid was here for the first time a week ago so he felt pretty comfortable. Crowley invited him over because he felt bad that they were only meeting at Ferid's place.

Crowley's place was a little bigger than Ferid's but it was really cozy. But Ferid had to admit that his bed was more comfortable than Crowley's. Anyway, he liked this place.

They were meeting together almost every day and each time Ferid told himself that it will be the last one, that he must separate himself from Crowley immediately. But he didn't.

He was spending even more time with Crowley now and, to his surprise, they didn't only sleep with each other but they were also going out to eat or Crowley came by his bookshop. Sometimes they were watching a movie with Ferid's mean comments and Crowley was laughing because of it.

Ferid didn't want to admit it but they were acting like a real couple and Ferid wasn't okay with this.

He immediately felt a soft kiss, very tender, on his arm.

"You really must go?"

"Well, yeah. I need to work, and soon you need to go to work too, so just let me o-"

But Ferid didn't finish because Crowley kissed him on the lips. Ferid was getting used to this, these morning kisses. He still joked that he hated them but deep down he knew that he was lying. He enjoyed this - waking up in Crowley's arm, small morning kisses and sometimes something more.

But that was too much.

He needed to stop this before he will get too attached to Crowley. He didn't know if Crowley loved him now but he hoped that he didn't.

He moaned when he felt Crowley's tongue in his mouth but slowly pushed him back.

"You greedy man, didn't you get enough yesterday? I almost didn't sleep because of you."

"Me? Oh, I only started, you wanted to play more."

Ferid grunted and threw a pillow in Crowley's face.

"Yeah and I regret it because you can sleep a little bit more and I have to go to shop."

"You really have to?"

"Yup, Krul will kill me if I don't show up. You know, Christmas is coming and there are a lot of new books. Anyway, sleep well asshole while I will be working."

Ferid stood up and started putting his underwear and jeans back on. Crowley was watching him a little amused, while his partner was putting clothes on.

"Asshole? Don't be so mean, you called me differently yesterday."

Ferid threw another pillow at Crowley's smiling face and only rolled his eyes.

"So greedy~."

He put his sweater on and tied his hair up into a high ponytail.

"Will we meet today?"

Crowley put down his pillow and looked at Ferid from his bed with a smile. Ferid turned back and looked at him. Crowley's hair was down and he had a warm smile on his face.

How he can walk away from this man?

"Yeah, come to my place after your shift."

"All right. Close the door when you will be going out."

Ferid nodded and walked away. He was thinking about buying coffee on his way to bookshop because he really was sleepy and sore.

God damn it Eusford, what was he doing to him?

––––––––

There was so much work to do that Ferid didn't have the time to sit for a moment, and he wanted to kill almost everyone in the bookshop. Especially Chess when she threw a box full of books on him. Seriously, he was glad that, although the girl was laughing, Krul got very angry and scolded her for her childish behavior. For once Ferid was thankful to Krul.

He was considering eating alone but then he saw that he's got a message from Shinya.

After 'that idiot's book' premiere they weren't meeting as often so he was a little bit surprised. Did Shinya started working on his new book? Ferid didn't know but he decided to agree to eat with him.

It was his best option as he couldn't go for lunch with Crowley since he was working. He got a text message from the policeman.

[How is your work? I hope you're doing okay? ;)]

Ferid smiled to himself while he was putting his coat on, he was about to go on his lunchbreak.

[I'm going to eat sth with Shinya -.- But guess what, I'm still sleepy :"D]

He decided to walk to his and Shinya's favorite place on foot because it wasn't too far from his bookshop. His phone buzzed again.

[Have fun then ;)]

"That man," Ferid grunted, and crossed the street.

The weather was really cold so he immediately hid his phone and put his hands in pockets. He wrapped his scarf tightly around his neck but it wasn't enough to prevent the cold wind from chilling him to his bones. He was taking some medicine every day because he didn't want to be ill again, and he hoped that it was enough. Krul would have killed him if he fell ill again, especially right before the Christmas when they had the most work.

After a few minutes of walk he was there.

He opened the door and saw Shinya in the corner of the cafe. He went to him and sat across from him.

"Oh, Ferid! Nice to see you."

"Too bad I can't say the same, idiot."

Shinya smiled at him and pretended to be hurt.

"You still say that after everything? Geeez, Ferid, will you ever change?"

"Why should I change? For you? Are you and idiot? Oh, wait, you are~!"

Ferid sent Shinya one of his death smiles and Shinya only shook his head while sighing.

"All right, you win. Anyway, how are you?"

"You wanted to interview me once again?"

Ferid looked at him skeptically and when the waitress came up to them he ordered something to eat.

"Well of course!" Shinya laughed and then he looked at him curiously.

"You better tell me about your book, how are the sales coming?"

Shinya smiled even more if it was possible. Ugh, Ferid really hated it.

"Really good! But you probably know that because you work at a bookshop. Anyway, I already earned a lot of money so I can have a little break. But only a little, I mean, fans are waiting!"

"You better not give up on this book, unless you're too weak~."

"Gosh, Ferid, you're so mean!"

"Thank you for your complement."

"So anyway, how's Crowley? You're still together?"

That idiot really didn't give him a minute break. Is that what so called friends do?

The waitress put their plates down and Ferid thanked her.

"Yeah."

"But that's pretty long. You've met each other two months ago and you've been dating for a month." Ferid winced at the 'date' word. "I'm really impressed Ferid, is this your new record?"

Ferid looked at his salad, thinking hard. Shinya was right, yes, that idiot sometimes wasn't so stupid, he really has been meeting with Crowley for such a long time.

Another reason to cut ties with him soon. He was getting too attached to him.

"Speaking of, how's Guren? Are you still living in delusional world?"

Ferid smiled falsely at Shinya and for the first time Shinya didn't smile back. He took a deep breath and looked at Ferid in a weird way. Shinya was serious, Ferid noticed.

"I decided that I will confess to him."

Ferid almost choked on his salad.

"What? Why so suddenly?"

"I want to talk with him on Christmas. I mean, you know, the atmosphere. I'm trying to tell myself that this will give me more courage but the truth is that I needed to choose a specific date so I wouldn't run away from this."

Ferid looked at him curiously. That surprised him because he thought that Shinya will be living forever with his unrequited love for that asshole Ichinose.

"I don't want to be a coward anymore. I want to tell him my true feelings. If he rejects me, well, maybe I will wake up from this stupid dream."

Shinya laughed nervously. Ferid felt a little sorry for him. He was so different from Shinya because, unlike Shinya, he didn't feel anything towards anyone so he was living without love but love was always in Shinya's life. He had just chosen a wrong person to love, and the only one who knew about Shinya's love was Ferid and Shinya himself.

Shinya was scolding him about not loving anyone but Ferid would never in his life want to live like Shinya. He was hurt once, that was enough.

"Well, idiot, good luck then. Finally you won't be a coward."

"Cross your fingers for me then!"

"You can dream on."

Ferid was back to eating salad when he almost choked on it once again when Shinya asked him."And what about you? Will you give something to Crowley on Christmas?"

He looked a bit surprised at Shinya.

"Christmas? Oh, don't tell me about that bullshit. I won't give him anything, we're not boyfriends."

––––––––

Crowley was walking toward his car when he heard someone calling him. He turned around and saw Horn waving to him. She was leaving the post office in the red coat while wrapping a scarf around her neck.

"Wait Crowley, are you going home?"

"Yeah, our shift ended and I have an appointment."

"Oh, with your boyfriend?" The blond haired woman smiled at him and Crowley sighed.

"Well, yes. You want something?"

"Actually I wanted to ask you if you can drop me at my house. My car is at the mechanic's…"

"Yeah, sure. Come on."

They entered Crowley's car and when he started driving, Horn looked at him curiously.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Horn? If you want to say something, say it."

She sighed and looked through the window.

"You just looked happy. Things are going well with your new boyfriend I assume?"

For a moment Crowley was silent because he was thinking what to tell her but it was Horn, she knew him too well so there was no point in avoiding the question.

"It's complicated but it's good."

She looked at him once again, curious.

"Complicated? That's not the word I was hoping to hear. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I mean, the things between us are really good but he still doesn't want to admit that he likes me."

"I don't understand, but you're together, right?"

Crowley sighed, his relationship with Ferid was really messed up.

"Well, yes and no. We are together but he says that we're meeting to have fun and that we are not together or in a relationship."

Horn was silent for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

"That's…weird. You are together, sleep together, go out together and he still doesn't consider you as his boyfriend? Is this guy okay?"

Crowley snorted. Ferid was far from okay. He was twisted but that was making him even more interesting for Crowley, and Crowley loved unusual things.

"Like I said, complicated. But for now I'm okay with this. I mean, as long as we are together pretending that we aren't, I'm good. Just, I hope he won't break up with me soon."

"Why?"

"Because I want to try and show him that he can trust me."

––––––––

Crowley knocked on the door to Ferid's apartment but nothing happened so he tried to open the door himself. They were open and when he went inside, he saw why nobody answered him.

Crowley saw Ferid's sleeping figure on the couch with his cat lying on top of him.

The policeman smiled at this sight. He loved seeing sleeping Ferid. He was looking so innocent with his long eyelashes and curled up bangs. Crowley took a quick photo and hoped that Ferid won't wake up too soon.

Ferid hated when Crowley was taking unexpected pictures of him.

Crowley took off his jacket and shoes and sat at the end of the couch. He knew that Ferid probably had a lot of work at the bookshop because Christmas was coming. His shifts will probably get longer pretty soon too.

Mika opened his eyes and the cat looked at Crowley, probably begging for more food. Crowley only scratched the cat behind his ears and then he laid down next to Ferid, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and hugging him slightly.

Crowley loved hugging Ferid and of course Ferid hated it. He said that it was too intimate and that only stupid couples were doing it. But Crowley ignored him and hugged him every time he had an occasion, like this one, when Ferid was sleeping innocently. He could smell his scent and hear his slow breathing.

If Crowley could only make Ferid open up to him more. He really was doing everything so that Ferid could trust him.

He immediately felt that the lilac hair man moved a little.

"What are you doing?" Ferid asked, still sounding sleepy, and Crowley smiled.

"Hugging you."

Ferid groaned.

"You know I hate it."

"Yet you didn't push me away."

"Because you're too heavy~. Also I would have to move and I'm comfortable right now."

"Oh, so you're saying that you're comfortable in my arms?"

"Shut up, Eusford, I didn't mean it that way."

Crowley leaned over Ferid and gave him a small kiss on the lips. The other man sighed.

"Stop it, I probably look gross."

Crowley laughed.

"Seriously? I've seen you in your worst state, for example when you were ill, or when you were covered up in sweat with tangled hair, screamin-"

Ferid rolled on top of Crowley looking irritated.

"You want me to punish you later for this stupid talk, Crowley?"

Crowley looked at him, smiling, and took one of Ferid's strands of hair in his hand. He kissed him softly once again and Ferid grimace.

"Stop it! You don't even know how to kiss properly!"

"What? Then how do you kiss?"

"Like this~."

Ferid leaned over him and took Crowley's face in his hands. He kissed him passionately, a little bit sloppy as he was still sleepy, but still with passion and desire. Crowley loved Ferid's kisses, because what Ferid was doing with his tongue was amazing. Crowley hugged him even tighter, his hands under Ferid's sweater, touching his warm skin. Stroking his back he felt that Ferid bit him slightly on the lip, not to leave a mark, but to tease him a little.

"That was a kiss, learn Crowley."

Ferid's hair were tied in a loose ponytail falling to his arms. From this angle Crowley could also see a hickey he left yesterday on Ferid's collarbone.

"Amazing, could you show it to me once again?"

"Told you, you are too greedy~."

Crowley smiled and stroked gently Ferid's cheek. Then he pulled Ferid's head on his chest and hugged him.

"All right, go back to sleep. I know you're tired."

"I thought you want to have some fun?~"

"I do want to, but you need sleep. We still have the whole night."

Ferid chuckled and then he closed his eyes once again, wrapping his arms around Crowley."

"Ferid?"

The smaller man only grunted.

"What do you want for Christmas?"

Ferid didn't answer.

––––––––

Shinya was feeling really nervous.

Christmas was coming so fast and he didn't even realized that it will be in 3 days. He was spacing out a lot lately because there were million thoughts on his mind.

What if Guren will laugh?

What if Guren will be angry?

What if Guren will be feeling disgusted by this and will leave him immediately?

Shinya groaned and he threw himself on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow. Thoughts like this were making him anxious but he was sure of his decision. Besides, he had already told Ferid about it and if he wouldn't confess Ferid would call him coward once again. And he would be right.

Time to end this. Time to be brave and confess.

 _Stop living in delusional world_ , he told himself.

Shinya heard a quiet knocking at his door.

"Come in."

The door opened and he saw Guren.

"Hey, I'm making tea, would you like some?"

"Thank you! But no, I don't want it."

Guren looked at him in a weird way. He was standing there for a moment, like he wanted to say something but he only cleared his throat and blinked few times.

"Okay then."

And he closed the door.

One thing was sure for Shinya. Guren was acting weird too. It was different from Shinya's behavior. Because Shinya was spacing out, sometimes blushing too much when Guren was next to him, because every time he saw that guy he remembered that he will have to confess soon.

But Guren was acting strange as well. He was sometimes thinking about something, looking at his phone. Sometimes when Shinya was talking to Guren he wasn't listening to him, only staring blankly in the distance.

It was really odd.

When Shinya told Ferid about this, the lilac man joked that maybe Guren found a girlfriend and he's scared to tell Shinya.

Shinya knew that Ferid was joking but sometimes he was thinking if that was really just a joke. But Guren wasn't like that. If he had met someone he would tell Shinya about it. Because they were still best friends and they didn't lie to each other.

Which wasn't true because Shinya was lying about his feelings and Guren was hiding something.

But he didn't want to push him to tell him about this. He decided that he will wait until Guren tells him what was bothering him on his own.

He was patient.

He always was.

––––––––

After a long, very tiring shift, they closed the bookshop.

It was Christmas day and it was snowing very hard. Ferid hated snow. It was beautiful when he was looking at it while he was at home, but when he had to walk through the snowy path he always ended up cursing under his breath.

Of course, nobody cleaned the pavement because it was fucking Christmas.

He was lucky that his bus was on time and when he went inside he immediately felt warmer. He looked at his phone. Crowley was probably already waiting for Ferid in his apartment.

Ferid didn't celebrate Christmas but Crowley still insisted on meeting with him on the Christmas day. Ferid told him that Crowley should meet with his mom today, not with him, but Crowley told him that he will meet his mother the next day.

Sometimes Ferid wondered what kind of person Crowley's mom is. Not that he cared about it, he probably wouldn't meet her in the future because he decided that he will end this relationship soon. He didn't want to do it on the Christmas eve but he was still considering whether he should do this before or after a New Year.

He wasn't sure which option was the best. Leaving Crowley alone on New Year was a little too mean but still, he didn't want to make Crowley too attached.

The bus stopped and Ferid got off of it, going towards Crowley's apartment. Every time he was spending the night at Crowley's place he hoped that Mika wouldn't break anything at home. That cat was a real demon.

He opened the door to the staircase and some guy passed him, smiling at him.

"Merry Christmas!"

Ferid only sent him his fake smile and went ahead, looking slightly irritated. He hated that fake kindness during Christmas.

He knocked at Crowley's door and the tall man opened them, smiling when he saw Ferid.

"Oh, you're early!"

"Early? I thought that Krul wouldn't release us before midnight for a moment. That woman is cruel."

"That much work?"

Crowley took his coat from him and Ferid smiled to him. Crowley was a true gentleman. Another reason why they shouldn't be together. Crowley should find someone who will stay with him for a longer time or even forever, because he was a really nice guy. Too nice for Ferid.

"Too much work, too much people. I hope you cooked something delicious tonight?"

Ferid sniffed something tasty from the kitchen.

"Of course. Come to the kitchen."

They entered the kitchen and Ferid sat down at the table. There was already a glass of wine and two plates prepared. Crowley put down the food and sat across from him.

 _It looks like a date_ , Ferid thought. He smiled to Crowley but he felt a bit uncomfortable inside. Crowley was so nice to him but he agreed to Ferid's terms of relationship so Ferid hoped that Crowley was aware that they still weren't together.

"Eat before it will get cold."

After their enjoyable meal and a few glasses of wine they were talking about their job and other stuff. It was a nice evening and suddenly Crowley stood up.

"Come to the living room, I will wash the dishes."

Ferid took the bottle and glasses and went to the living room. Crowley's couch was a little bit smaller than Ferid's. The couch was beige and the whole living room was in brownish colors.

Ferid took a sip of his wine, enjoying the drink, still looking around. He spotted a photo near the TV and he went to pick it up.

He saw a young Crowley, still a teenager with a man really similar to him. Ferid guessed that it was Crowley's dad when he was still alive. He looked again at smiling Crowley. He was tall here and his hair was brown, without red bangs. Ferid was curious when Crowley decided to do his unusual hairstyle but he assumed it was probably college.

He put the photo back and sat again on the couch. Few minutes later Crowley was walking towards him. He was holding a small box with a ribbon. Ferid looked curiously at him.

"What's that?"

Crowley laughed a bit nervously, sitting near him.

"Well, I know you hate Christmas but I decided I wanted to buy you something anyway. Open it up."

Ferid took the box and he slowly opened it. Inside he saw a really beautiful, red scarf. It wasn't as warm as the one he was wearing right now during winter. It was the type of scarf he wore to complement his good looks, he adored such things. He touched it, it was really soft.

"I remembered that I destroyed one of your scarves on our first meeting so I decided to buy you a new one. It has different color but you look good in red."

"You remembered that?"

"Of course."

Ferid was surprised. He himself forgot about this scarf. Of course he didn't forget about their first meeting but the thought that Crowley remembered such a small detail really touched him. He bit his lips trying to avoid Crowley's eyes but the man was looking at him, demanding his response.

"Well…thank you…But I don't have anything for you."

He felt like an asshole. Of course he didn't buy anything for Crowley because he didn't celebrate Christmas and he didn't know that Crowley would buy something for him.

"Don't worry, I knew you wouldn't. It's okay. At least…Do you like it?"

"Oh, the scarf? Well, it's beautiful. Like you said, I look good in red."

He winked to Crowley even if he was still feeling like shit.

Crowley smiled to him and then he touched Ferid's cheek.

"I'm glad then."

Ferid put the box on the table and he sat on Crowley's lap, his legs on both sides of Crowley.

"So, I guess I must pay you for your gift~."

Then he kissed Crowley hard on the mouth and Crowley moaned when he opened his mouth. Ferid decided that it was better to have some fun than sit on the couch feeling like an asshole because, while Crowley was so nice to him, Ferid was thinking about leaving him.

Crowley's hands were under his shirt while Ferid was grabbing Crowley's hair, pulling him to himself. Suddenly they parted. Crowley was breathing really fast.

"Wait, I have an idea."

"Wh-what?"

Ferid smiled to him seductively.

"I know how I'm going to pay for your present."

Crowley raised his eyebrows a little bit surprised.

"Do you have handcuffs?"

Crowley's eyes widened in surprise.

"Handcuffs?" Ferid nodded looking at him with a playful smile. "Well, I have one pair in my police jacket. But why do you need them?"

Ferid stood up and went to Crowley's wardrobe. He found the jacket and then he found the handcuffs in the pocket. He turned back to surprised Crowley and smiled to him seductively.

"Come to the bedroom and you will see~."

And then he started walking slowly to the bedroom. Crowley stood up immediately from the couch.

––––––––

Shinya almost dropped their plates because he was so nervous.

"Are you okay? You're really acting weird today," Guren asked him and Shinya only laughed nervously.

"Don't worry, stay on the couch. I got this."

Guren only nodded. Shinya put the plates in the sink and took a few breathes.

 _It's okay, you can do it! He won't kill you! You just have to tell him your feelings, which you were hiding from him for the past few years!_

He slapped his cheeks and took a deep breath. Now, feeling more courageous he went to the living room. Guren was sitting at the end of the couch, looking at the snow through the window, thinking hard. Shinya wondered what he was thinking about but that wasn't important right now.

"So, Guren…I wanted to talk with you."

He sat on the armchair across the couch, squeezing the edge of his sweater nervously. Guren looked at him from the corner of the eye and sighed. He was the one who was acting strange. Shinya had a feeling that Guren wasn't listening to what he was saying to him during their dinner because his answers were really short.

Guren closed his eyes and then he took a deep breath. He ran his hand through his hair.

"Before you start… I need to confess something to you."

Shinya's hear skipped a bit. Confess? Maybe Guren is feeling the same way he is? He gulped.

"All aright, I'm listening to you."

Was it now? The moment Shinya was waiting for all these years.

Guren was looking really nervous. He was avoiding Shinya's eyes.

"Mahiru wrote to me."

Shinya was expecting everything but not that. He immediately felt cold and the smile disappeared from his face.

"What?"

"She texted me a month ago."

Month ago. She sent him a message a month ago and he didn't tell him about this? Shinya felt pain in his chest. He felt betrayed but still maybe Guren had his reasons.

"What did she want?" he asked, trying not to sound too sad or nervous.

"She said that she will be back in the country."

Shinya felt that his world was slowly crumbling bit by bit. Why was she coming back? What did she want from Guren? She hurt him so much and yet she had the nerve to write to him?

"The money ran out?" Shinya tried to joke but it sounded really lame.

"She said that she wanted to meet with me."

"Gosh, what a bitch, after everything she's done to you!? Of course you refused her, right?"

Shinya looked at Guren feeling the tension between them. Guren wasn't looking in his eyes, he was staring quietly at the floor and Shinya was hearing his heart beat quickening. Was it the real reason behind Guren's behavior lately?

"Guren, say something."

 _Please say that you didn't meet with her_ , Shinya was praying.

"I met with her."

Shinya closed his eyes. He felt hurt, betrayed. Like someone poured a bucket of cold water on him. After everything they went through, Guren was still in love with Mahiru. He was still addicted to her.

Tears were in the corner of his eyes.

He thought that he had something with Guren, he hoped that one day the man will return his feelings.

He wanted to laugh, and he laughed in front of Guren.

Guren looked at him surprised.

"Sh-shinya, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, you're asking me if I'm okay? Of course I'm not okay! I'm just laughing because of how ridiculous this situation is."

Guren was still looking at him, with worry in his eyes, and Shinya wanted to punch him.

"Gosh, I was so stupid."

He stood up because sitting was too much for him. He still felt Guren's eyes on him.

"I thought that after all these years you're really over her but look at you. You were crying under my doors when she left you and yet you came to her when she only sent you one, fucking message."

"Shinya, wait-"

"SHUT UP GUREN NOW I'M TALKING!"

Shinya usually didn't raise his voice but know he had enough of this shit. Ferid warned him and yet he was too stupid to listen to him. That was the price he had to pay and he needed to say everything he kept inside.

"I helped you, lived with you here, took care of you, and what did I get in return? You still love her, you still go to her even if she's just a bitch who wants your money! You betrayed me Guren, you should have told me about this first, but you decided to meet with her anyway behind my back! I was wondering why are you acting strange, 'maybe you have met someone?', I was asking myself, but I thought that if you did you would have told me, because we are friends. God, I was so wrong."

He put his hands on his face and once again he wanted to scream but he only laughed feeling tears in his eyes.

"Shinya, please let me talk!"

"I was so stupid thinking that you care about me."

"Shinya, please!"

Guren stood up looking at him scared, but Shinya didn't feel sorry for him. Enough of these delusions.

"I wanted to confess to you today."

"Wh-what…"

Guren was now shocked. Shinya was looking at him sadly with tears in his eyes, but then the sadness turned into anger and he looked at Guren in disgust.

"Surprised? Well, of course you are. After all these years you didn't noticed that I had feelings for you. I didn't want to tell you at first because you were still depressed because of Mahiru, but after all these years I decided that maybe I should try, that maybe you are feeling something for me as well. But I was so wrong."

Guren's mouth was open. He was really shocked, trying to gather his thoughts and say something, but Shinya only snorted.

"But it looks like I really wasted my time. You're an asshole Guren. You destroyed my trust and everything we've built throughout these years. You betrayed me."

Guren came to Shinya.

"Shinya, it's not like that! Why didn't you-"

He tried to put his hand on Shinya's arm but Shinya pushed him back.

"Don't even touch me with your hands! You touched her with them too, don't you?"

Shinya snorted once again and then he turned back to him.

"Shinya, where the hell are you going?!"

"It's not your business anymore," Shinya said angrily.

"But-"

"I don't want to see you. Go to sleep at Goshi's place or I will sleep at Ferid's. Find a new place, I'm done with you."

"Shinya, what the hell are you talking about?!"

But Shinya only put his clothes on and left Guren in their apartment. He felt angry and sad, but the worst feeling was the betrayal. He gave Guren everything and what he got in return? Only this. Now he understood Ferid. He should have really listened to him.

But it was too late.

Instead of love confession he got hurt, and his feelings were now a mess.

He couldn't hold tears back anymore and felt them on his cheeks. He sobbed and started crying loudly.

––––––––

Did I tell you that there will bo more cliffhangers? So, yeah :"D Remember not to kill me because if you will do this there won't be a new chapter! XD  
ANYWAY!  
Shinya decided to confess but unfortunately his confess didn't go the way he wanted, my poor son ;-; The next chapter will have a lot Shinya and Ferid bromance (seriously I love their friendship, I wish these two had more scenes in manga xD) and some more angst :"D.  
Also I joked with my beta that now my chapters starts with Ferid and Crowlery in bed but what can I say, I love writing their mornings because these two are so cute */*

See you next Thursday!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _I can taste it, my heart's breakin', please don't say  
That you know, when you know_

––––––––

Ferid heard his phone ringing. He only groaned and tried to ignore it but someone was still calling him. He slowly opened his eyes and the darkness welcomed him.

"What the hell…"

He tried to find his phone and felt Crowley moving near him in his sleep. When Ferid reached his phone, the light blinded him and he cursed.

It was near 3 a.m.

And Shinya was calling him.

Ferid groaned but decided to answer the phone.

"This better be important you fucking idiot."

The first thing Ferid noticed was that there was a loud music on the other side and he needed to take his phone away from his ear.

" _So mean~! Why are you like that?"_

"Because it's the middle of the night!"

" _Oh? Really? Well, it is!"_

Ferid wanted to punch that idiot and probably kill him. Crowley was probably awake too because he shifted near Ferid, wrapping his arms around Ferid's torso.

"Listen you dumbass, I'm hanging up. I don't have time for your stupid jokes."

" _Ferid…don't be like that…"_

Shinya's voice sounded weird and Ferid frowned a little. He heard music and conversations in the background so that idiot was probably in club. But why? Wasn't he supposed to be spending his evening with Guren?

"Shinya, are you drunk?"

" _Well, probably yes because the barman don't want to take my orders anymore. What a douchebag."_

Ferid sighed. Why did he have to know him?

"Then call your stupid boyfriend."

Ferid heard Shinya's laugh but is sounded really bitter and pitifully. Not like his usually playful tone.

" _Well, sorry to disappoint you but he doesn't give a crap about me. Like everyone."_

Ferid started thinking. Something wasn't right.

Then everything came back to him.

Shinya wanted to confess his feelings on Christmas night. He was drunk now. Guren wasn't with him. That means only one thing.

"Did he reject you?"

Ferid asked without thinking and shivered a little when he heard Shinya's fake laugh.

" _Oh, Ferid, why are you so smart? But you know, you are right. It's very late and you probably were sleeping peacefully with Crowley. So have fun and see you later. I hope."_

Then Shinya hang up and Ferid stared at his phone a little taken aback.

"Who called you?" Crowley asked him, sounding very sleepy and Ferid only sighed.

"Shinya. Who else would be that crazy to call me in the middle of the night?"

Ferid only shook his head but he was still holding his phone.

"What did he want from you?"

"Well, he was drunk and he was in some club."

Crowley sat up and stared at him. His hair was messy and he yawned.

"What was he doing in a club at this hour?"

Ferid sighed once again.

"He's drunk in a club, and today he wanted to confess his feelings."

"Damn, Guren rejected him?"

Crowley was really quick with putting facts together.

"Probably. He was saying weird things so I assume that that idiot said something stupid to him."

Crowley nodded and then he stood up and started dressing up.

"What the hell are you doing, Crowley? It's 3 in the morning, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I think you should go to him."

Ferid bit his lips looking a little bit confused. He wanted to push Crowley back to bed so they could go back to sleep but Crowley was right. Shinya was an idiot but right now, he was probably really desperate and lost. He didn't want Shinya to do something stupid only because he had feelings for the biggest asshole in the world.

"Okay, but you don't have to go with me, you have work today"

"Well, let me give you a ride at least."

Ferid sighed once again and crawled out from the bed and started slowly putting his clothes on.

"Thank you, I'm sorry about him."

"Don't mention it, he's you friend."

Ferid only nodded and started typing a message on his phone. For the first time Crowley didn't hear Ferid denying that Shinya was his friend.

––––––––

When Ferid and Crowley arrived at the place, Ferid only gave Crowley a quick kiss on the lips, wishing him a good day, and started walking towards the club.

He knew this place, of course, and he was wondering how the hell Shinya ended up here? Because really, it wasn't the best place in town. Ferid only went there when he really wanted to forget his problems.

"I'm going to kill that idiot one day," Ferid said to himself while entering the club.

There were only few people here, some totally drunk lying in the corners and Ferid walked towards the bar because he immediately spotted Shinya there. The barman nodded to him and Ferid ignored him. He sat next to Shinya and he sighed when he saw that the man was really drunk and he was barely conscious.

"Hey, Shinya, wake up idiot."

He punched Shinya lightly on the arm and Hiiragi groaned. Shinya blinked slowly and when he saw Ferid he smiled.

"My, is that Ferid Bathory? Here, in the worst club, looking for me?"

Ferid rolled his eyes and smelled the glasses to know what Shinya was drinking.

"Yes, one and only. Care to explain why the hell you ended up in the worst place in town, drunk like hell? You know they could have done something to you, idiot."

Ferid spotted few guys looking curiously at them and decided to ignore them. Seriously, Shinya was an idiot.

"I don't care."

Shinya only stared and the glass in front of him, thinking hard.

"Alright." Ferid crossed his arms and looked at him. "Will you tell me at least what happened? It was Guren, right?"

Shinya laughed but once again it was his fake laughter and it sounded very unlike him.

"Gosh, am I so predictable? I think I am."

"Did he reject you?"

"It's complicated."

Ferid sighed and looked at Shinya with sympathy.

"You know, since I'm here, you can tell me everything, if you want of course. I'm not going anywhere."

Shinya was still starring at the glass and then he sighed, and looked at Ferid.

"I guess you're right. You're my best friend after all."

For a moment he was silent, gathering his thoughts, and then he started talking.

"You know, I met Guren during my first year in my University. I was studying pharmacology but it really wasn't my thing. I was going to my lectures, trying to pay attention during them but inside I was dead. Did I tell you that I'm adopted?"

Ferid only shook his head.

"No, but your sister, Shinoa, told me when I've met her."

Shinya smiled sadly.

"I don't remember my true family. I only remember that they literally sold me to Hiiragis. They were in big debts with Hiiragis and Tenri, my adopted father gave them ultimatum. My parents would give me to them, because I was a really promising student, and all of their debts would be forgiven. I only remember my mother crying and telling me that this would be better, and that they can't give me the life I deserve. I never saw them again. I don't know if the adoption process was even legal but you know, it was Hiiragi family. No one has the courage to stand up against them."

Shinya took a sip of his drink and Ferid was listening to him patiently, waiting for the rest of the story.

"And my life with Hiiragi family begun. No one liked me there, Kureto hated everything about me, Sheishiro was trying to make my life harder than it was. Only Shinoa liked me there, but she was small back then so she didn't understand why her big brothers despised me. My mother told me that this life will be better – it was hell. I was living in fear that they will do something to me so I studied. Hiiragis are a well-known brand for medicine so everyone in the family were doctors or were related to this field of science. I didn't have much friends, I only have read a lot of books back then, but I was doing this without my family's knowledge. Sheishiro one day told my father that I'm reading books instead of studying and trust me, I never brought any book anymore to our house because I learned my lesson. So University started and I started living like a marionette. Some lectures were really boring to me so I started writing my own book during them. At first it was only to relax, to forget that my life was just one, big mess. And then I met Guren. It was during chemistry lectures, I was writing my story and, at first, I haven't noticed that someone was looking at me. When we finished Guren walked towards me and took my notes. I said 'Give it back!' but he didn't do it. Instead he started reading them and asked me if I had more of this. Few days later we started talking more and he started reading my story. He was really excited about it and one day he asked me what the hell am I doing and why I'm studying pharmacology if I'm that good at writing. So I told him about my family and he told me that I should follow my dreams and become a writer. At first I started laughing but then I really couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't love my family, I was wasting my time at the university studying something that really wasn't my thing, so I decided that I should try it. I was really terrified because you don't know how scary Tenrii Hiiragi is, but I went to him. I told him that I don't want to study and be his marionette anymore. He looked at me with his scary eyes and he said that, fine, I can do whatever I want. But they wasted a lot of money on my education or, to be precise, on raising me. So he told me that I can go away but I need to pay my debt. And I did."

Shinya took another sip of his drink.

"How much did you pay him?" Ferid asked with concern.

Shinya only laughed bitterly.

"Ferid, I'm still paying him."

Ferid looked at him, taken aback. But now everything was clear to him. Shinya was a well-known writer, yet he was still living in a small apartment with Guren. He didn't have a car, his laptop was old and he wasn't wearing modern clothes.

"So everything you earn from your books goes to this old fucker?"

Shinya nodded and Ferid couldn't believe that he hasn't noticed that earlier.

"How much do you need to pay him?"

"I think I will be paying him till my death," Shinya said with bitterness in his voice.

"Fuck, Shinya, why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

But Shinya only stared at the glass in his hand and sighed.

"Because it's not your problem Ferid, I'm only paying for my freedom. Besides, I'm okay now. I still have money left to live and to eat. I'm not paying for my whole apartment… I mean, now I have to, but maybe I will find something only for myself. It was only hard at the begging but now I'm used to it. Just, you know, I don't have enough money to go on vacation."

"You idiot." Ferid sighed.

"So, back to my story, I was free. It was hard at the begging. I literally had nothing to eat, tried to find any job in town. Guren helped me back then. He thought that Hiiragis only took my money from me, not that I was supposed to pay them. He still doesn't know, you're the first person that I have told about it. I started spending more time with Guren and we became really good friends. But as you know, I fell for him. He was the one that showed me the way to be myself, gave me courage to oppose my family. Back then I knew that he had a girlfriend. She was studying in another country, but I saw that he really loved her. I was okay with that as long as we were together. Besides, I thought that my feelings were only a stupid crush. He was my savior so of course I fell for him. But I didn't know who his girlfriend was. I didn't tell you but I had another sister."

Ferid groaned because he suspected what Shinya was about to tell him.

"Don't tell me…"

"Her name was Mahiru, but just like me, she didn't like what her family was doing. But unlike me, she wasn't adopted so she didn't have a big debt like me. She escaped and I knew that she was living in another country. She started earning money, I don't know how, and father didn't pay attention to her anymore. So, Guren one day told me that his girlfriend is coming back and I agreed to go to the airport with him to meet her because he really wanted me to meet her. Imagine my face when I saw Mahiru at the airport."

Shinya laughed once again and Ferid sighed. He couldn't believe that Shinya's life was such a mess.

"Guren of course didn't know that Mahiru was my adopted sister because she never told him that she was from Hiiragiis. She changed her surname. I never told Guren that I knew her earlier, she didn't tell him either. But there was one thing I was sure when it came to her, she only cared about money so I didn't know what she was doing with Guren. Maybe it was love, I thought back then, but now I know that she didn't love him. She was with him because he was handsome and funny, but like I said, Guren was still a student, he didn't have much money and she only cared about them. "

"So that bitch probably wasn't studying abroad but earning money with some other guy, I assume?" Ferid said what he was thinking and Shinya only nodded.

"I was blind like Guren, thinking that maybe she changed, that maybe she truly loved him. Sometimes she was really jealous of my relationship with Guren because he was so excited about my writing and the fact, that I had my first editor and I was finally working on my book. But she meant the world to him. He really loved her. They bought a small apartment together. Mahiru was good to him, but after a year I've noticed that every time someone called her, she always went to the next room, she never picked up a phone in front of us. So one day I eavesdropped on her. Like you said, she had a lover in another country. A very rich one at that, I was shocked. I started arguing with her, telling her that she's hurting Guren, that he's serious about her and that she is only playing with his feelings. She was really angry and she told me that 'If you go to Guren I will tell him that you're lying because you're in love with him.'. That's right, she was the first one that noticed I had feelings for Guren. I didn't know what to do because, deep down, I knew that Guren might believe her because he loved her. So I stayed silent, but I told her that if I see her talking to that guy again I will tell Guren that she's from Hiiragis."

"So, did you tell him?"

"No, I didn't have to. Mahiru left Guren few days later. I don't know why, probably for that guy, but Guren was devastated. I told him the truth, that she was my adopted sister, that she was cheating on him with some other guy. I didn't tell him that she did it for money, I thought that it was enough. He was depressed, he needed me. Guren didn't want to go to the lectures so I was dragging him there with Goshi when I wasn't working on my novel. It took us months to get him back on track. He was angry at me for not telling him earlier about my relationship with Mahiru, but he understood why I didn't do it. "

Some guy came up to them and tried to talk to them and invite them to dance but Ferid only sent him a death glare and told him to go away. Shinya was finally opening to him for the first time.

"The rest of the story you know. Guren graduated, found a job at school, I started writing more, published my first novel. I was still in love with him. I realized that it is love and decided that I will wait patiently to confess because I knew that he was still not over Mahiru. I wanted to confess yesterday but things got a little more complicated and, once again, it was Mahiru's fault."

"Don't tell me that bitch is back?"

Shinya nodded and Ferid wanted to punch Guren.

"Seriously? She needs more money or what? A good fuck from Guren?"

Shinya laughed bitterly.

"Gosh, Ferid, you're really exceptional. I don't know if they are back together. When I wanted to tell him my feelings, Guren told me that he wanted to tell me something. I was excited, thinking that maybe he wanted to confess too. But he told me that she wrote to him about a meeting. He went there and met with her. You know, I'm not angry about the fact that he wanted to meet with her, I understand, he still loves her, but why didn't he tell me that she's back?"

"No Shinya, stop this now. You have to be angry about that. Because, fuck, you have spent so many years with him, taking care of him, being friends and what did he do? He betrayed you. He was and he still is an asshole. The biggest in the world probably. He has feelings for her? What is he? An idiot? That bitch cheated on him with some guy who had more money, and he went to her like a dog to his owner? Gosh, Shinya, I'm sorry to tell you this because I know that you love him but seriously, open your eyes. He's not worth it."

Shinya stared at Ferid taken aback. Maybe Ferid was right? Maybe it's time to move on.

"I know Ferid, but still…it hurts."

He squeezed his hand on the glass and closed his eyes. Then he felt a hand on his back and opened them again.

"Of course it hurts because you love him and he betrayed your feelings. It will be bad for the next few days, maybe months, but you're strong Shinya, you will get over him."

Shinya once again stared at Ferid and truly smiled for the first time. He had tears in the corner of his eyes.

"Thank you Ferid, you're really my friend."

Ferid rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I'm your best friend."

Shinya opened his eyes wider.

"What?" asked Ferid, looking at him curiously.

"You didn't deny that I'm your friend."

Ferid sighed and got up, blushing a little.

"Don't you dare to say anything more or I will change my mind. Now get up, we're going home."

Shinya bit his lip, looking at the floor.

"But Guren…"

"Not yours, mine. You will be sleeping at my place, no refuses. Let's go, we need to find a cab."

He helped Shinya to stand up as he was still drunk like hell and had problems with walking.

"Ferid?"

"Yeah, idiot?"

"Thank you, and I'm sorry that I ruined your date with Crowley."

"Don't mention it."

––––––––

Shinya felt something fluffy on his face and he almost sneezed because of that. When he slowly opened his eyes he saw one big, sandy, tail.

"What the…"

"Mika, leave him alone or he will puke on you."

Shinya heard Ferid's voice and he tried to get up but he immediately felt a big headache. He also realized that he was on the couch and it wasn't his apartment. He remembered the night before and that Ferid took him to his place.

He also saw a cat with a sandy fur, looking at him with big, blue eyes.

"How do you feel? Oh, wait. Stupid question, you probably feel like dying."

Ferid came up to him from the kitchen and gave him a glass of water and a pill.

"Take this, aspirin for headache and if you want to puke please do it in the toilet. I will kill you if you stain my couch."

Shinya slowly took the glass and the pill from Ferid's hands. He really felt like shit.

"I've never in my life had a hungover like that."

"Well, I never saw you drunk like that. Especially while you seemed fine in the club but then in the cab you were drunk again, singing like an idiot and trying to hug me. Did I tell you that I hate it?"

"But you're probably hugging with Crowley."

"And are you Crowley?"

Shinya laughed but then regretted it immediately because it was too loud. The cat, Mika was it, meowed at him and Shinya patted him behind his eyes.

"Don't fall for his charms. He's nice now but he will scratch you the next minute."

Ferid sat on the couch too and Mika immediately sat on his legs, purring and trying to catch his attention.

"Beautiful cat," Shinya said, smiling a little bit.

"Yeah, let's change subject. I need your keys."

Shinya stared at Ferid a little bit confused.

"My keys?"

"Yes, to your apartment. If you will be staying here you need some clothes and your laptop."

Ferid looked at him bored, while he was scratching his cat.

"But…I don't want to be a problem for you."

"Stop it, you can stay here for a few days. The couch is comfortable besides, I can spend some nights at Crowley's place so it's not a problem. You will have a certainty that you won't see Guren."

Shinya bit his lips. Everything was back again, the pain due to Guren's betrayal and the fact that they probably won't see each other again. He squeezed the glass in his hands and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Fine. They're in my jacket."

Ferid nodded and stood up.

"I will go now then. And you go to sleep or watch some TV. But I think sleeping will be better. Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you…"

––––––––

Ferid was slowly walking towards Shinya's apartment. He was still a little bit sleepy because Shinya was really irritating on their way back home, and he had problems with putting him on the couch but still, he needed to do this.

He couldn't believe what he heard yesterday. Why didn't he noticed it earlier? Shinya was an idiot sometimes, but his life really was just one, big mess.

Some of the facts were really similar to his own and he couldn't believe how similar he was to Shinya. They both had fucked up lives, maybe Ferid's wasn't as bad but still, it was just like one, big joke made by the universe that Shinya was his friend.

He came out of the elevator and walked towards the door. He put the key in the keyhole but realized that the door was open. He cursed because that only meant one thing.

Guren was inside.

He won't hold back.

He opened the door and went inside. He saw that the apartment wasn't as tidy as the last time he was there. Typical behavior for the person after a break up.

"Shinya, is that you?!"

There he was.

Guren fucking Ichinose.

The biggest idiot in the world.

"Ferid, what are you-"

He didn't finish because Ferid went to Guren and punched him in the face.

Ferid never felt better in his life. Finally he did what he wanted to do for all these years. Yes, he did it because of what Guren did to Shinya, but it was also for his own sake. Because Guren ignored him, because he didn't even give him a chance to become his friend. He deserved it.

Guren touched his face. There was blood coming from his nose and he will probably have a big bruise under his eye. Ferid didn't care that this guy was a teacher. Now he wanted to give him a lesson.

"Well, I saw that coming," Guren only whispered, and Ferid laughed.

"You better be happy that I didn't kill you because you're a fucking asshole, Ichinose! How could you do that to Shinya?!"

Guren's face immediately changed from hurt to concern.

"How's he? Is he okay? He didn't do anything stupid?"

Ferid laughed once again and stared at him with pity. Seriously, what did Shinya see in him? Or more like, what did he saw in him few years earlier?

"Now you're worried?! You should have thought about it before you literally broke his heart! Seriously."

"He didn't give me a chance to explain myself! Please, tell him to call me at least."

"You think he will call you after everything? You better pray that he will want to see you in his next life, you idiot. One fucking message from your ex and you go to her like a dog."

Guren's eyes changed once again and he stared at Ferid with anger. He came to him, looking at Ferid with contempt.

"You are the last person who has a right to say it. You forgot about high school?"

Ferid's eyes widened. How could he say that to him?! He grabbed Guren's shirt and stared at him with anger. Right now Ferid was really fighting with himself to not punch Guren once again, or even start a regular fight.

"Listen, Ichinose. Shinya is staying at my place for few days and when he comes back here, you better be somewhere else."

"I got the message, I'm moving to Goshi tomorrow so Shinya can return here soon. "

Ferid released Guren and took a few steps back. He went to Shinya's room and took few of his clothes, underwear and, of course, Shinya's laptop. Guren was still in the living room and he heard his voice.

"Remember Ferid that this is my and Shinya's business so I would like you to stay away from it."

Ferid closed the door to Shinya's room and stared at Guren with hate.

"You forget one thing Guren, Shinya is my friend so it is my business that my friend is hurt."

"Don't be ridiculous Ferid, you only care about yourself!"

And then, without listening to Guren's complaints, he left the apartment.

He was walking fast, holding Shinya's bag, but inside he was shaking. When he entered the elevator he closed his eyes for a moment and took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

That idiot didn't have the right to make him angry. What was his problem? Ferid wasn't like Guren, he wasn't going to 'that person' like a dog just like Guren did with his ex-girlfriend.

He couldn't.

He left the elevator and then his phone rung.

He saw Crowley's photo and smiled a bit.

"Hello?"

" _Oh, Ferid, how are you? Is Shinya okay?"_

Walking to the bus station Ferid smiled once again.

"Crowley, first you're asking about me and then about Shinya? So who is more important to you?~"

He heard Crowley's laugh on the other side.

" _Don't be stupid, I was only concerned about your friend."_

"He has got the worst hangover ever and he will be staying at my place for a few days."

" _Yeah, I think that's a good idea, he needs you. Listen, I can't meet with you today, I have a lot of work."_

"Oh…fine, I will spend some time with that idiot then."

" _Ferid, are you okay? You sound weird."_

Ferid went inside the bus and sat in the back. Crowley was really good at reading his mood. He stared through the window imagining Crowley's concerned face.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just, I saw Guren and I had a little chat with him."

" _I hope you didn't kill him? Because, you know, being a cop and having a killer boyfriend isn't the best way to live."_

Ferid laughed once again. Crowley really knew how to cheer him up.

"No, I didn't kill him. I'm a good boy~. I only told him what I was thinking. Besides, I'm not your boyfriend dear."

" _Dear lord, so he's dead now."_

Ferid laughed even louder and some people stared at him. Crowley was really exceptional.

Too bad that he wasn't meant for Ferid.

––––––––

Few days spent with Shinya was a new experience for Ferid. He was used to living alone, so having another person staying with him in the apartment was weird.

Shinya wasn't a messy person. When he was starting to feel sad again he was usually writing or watching something on his laptop. One day, when Ferid was at work, he cleaned the whole place and Ferid joked that he should hire him as his maid.

Shinya was still sad but he was trying his best to forget about Guren.

He didn't call Guren and Ferid didn't tell Shinya that he saw Guren. Ferid thought that it would be better. He didn't tell Shinya that he punched Guren either. That was his little secret.

"What are you thinking about?"

Ferid looked at Crowley who was cleaning after their dinner. Today he was eating at Crowley's place and Shinya was alone in his apartment.

He wondered how Crowley will react when he will break up with him. Will he be like Shinya? Drunk in some crappy club? Will he cry?

Ferid hoped that he won't. Crowley agreed that what they were doing wasn't love, relationship or anything like that.

He was a nice guy and because of that Ferid felt that they should end this. Ferid didn't want an established-relationship and they were together for too long. Crowley was too attached to him.

"Nothing, just how tired I am after work. Will you help me to relax?~"He asked looking at him seductively. He fluttered his long eyelashes at him.

Crowley came to him and sat next to him. He touched his cheek with his warm hand and looked in his eyes.

"Do you have some special request in your mind?"

"I want you to surprise me~."

Crowley smiled to him. His smile was really beautiful and Ferid wanted to memorize it. Or better not because their break up would be too painful.

"All right then."

Crowley leaned to him and kissed him on the lips. He pushed him gently to the sofa, still kissing him passionately and Ferid wrapped his arm around his neck, playing with his braid.

Crowley's mouth was on Ferid's neck, kissing him there slowly, probably leaving new marks. His hands were touching Ferid's torso under his sweater and Ferid only moaned when he felt that Crowley was playing with his nipples.

"Are you feeling better?"

Crowley asked him, his voice sexy and hoarse and Ferid only licked his lips, smiling at him playfully.

"Yes, continue this please."

Crowley smiled to him and kissed him once again on the lips.

Crowley was too good for him.

––––––––

Shinya looked at the white note in his hands. He wrote to Ferid his thanks and put the paper on the table. Mika meowed to him, starring at him curiously.

"Don't look at me like that, you have your food."

Shinya looked around. He took his belongings and sighed. Ferid was really his best friend. He took him under the roof, he even watched some movies with him, trying to cheer him. But Shinya couldn't live here forever.

He packed his things and decided that he should leave now.

His apartment should be empty by now. He hoped.

Shinya closed the door with spare key from Ferid and started walking towards bus station.

That few days really helped him. Ferid helped him to forget for a moment about Guren's betrayal, about how messy his life was. He was really grateful for that.

Being with Ferid thought him one thing. He should take care of himself more or rather start thinking more about himself. Being a little bit selfish wasn't a bad thing. He needed to learn how to live without relying on someone. He needed to be independent.

He still has his novel, friends, even if they're Guren's friends too, and he started thinking about getting some part-time job. Maybe at a café, he didn't know.

He was feeling alive once again in the bus, but everything changed when he opened the door to his apartment.

Because it was empty.

Guren wasn't here.

Shinya closed the door and threw his bag on the floor.

Silence. He wasn't used to that. He started walking towards Guren's bedroom and saw a note on the coffee table in their living room.

 _Please call me. Guren_

He stared at Guren's handwriting and then he slowly opened the door to his bedroom.

He didn't know what he expected. Guren inside?

What he saw was more painful. The room was tidy, the bed clean, the wardrobe almost empty. Guren's laptop disappeared.

Then everything came to him again. Guren wasn't here, he won't be here again, they won't be living together.

He left him.

Betrayed him.

Shinya hugged himself because he started shaking.

Why it had to be like this? Why did Guren do that to him. He has done everything to be his best friend, yet he didn't tell him that Mahiru was back.

He sobbed and his legs gave away. Sitting on the floor he started crying because he was alone once again.

––––––––

When Ferid saw that Shinya left him he only sighed. That was few days ago.

After that he was usually writing to Shinya messages to check if he was okay. Shinya was responding to him that he was fine, and that he was looking for a job.

But Ferid knew that Shinya wasn't okay. He was a terrible liar.

So he was visiting him frequently.

That was really not like Ferid but he couldn't leave him like that.

Helping Shinya made him realize that he should end things with Crowley soon because he was scared that Crowley would react like Shinya.

They had their agreement, of course, but still he didn't know what Crowley was thinking. What if it was too late?

Each time Ferid told himself that it's time to cut ties with Crowley, he couldn't do it.

Crowley was a nice guy, he was really kind to him.

Every time he almost spit it out, Crowley did something nice to him.

Ferid felt like he was inside a trap and he really didn't know what to do. Shinya told him once that he should start dating Crowley properly. That they should become a couple.

But Ferid couldn't do this. He didn't love Crowley, he didn't love anyone and he didn't want to.

Feelings only made things more complicated and he saw what feelings have done to Shinya. He didn't want to be like him.

Lying in his bed with Crowley, who was hugging him while sleeping, Ferid was thinking what he should do. How to tell him that he didn't love him and they should end this quickly for Crowley's sake?

Crowley shifted near him and opened his eyes slowly.

"Is it morning?"

"No, it's night. Are you blind?"

Ferid told him sarcastically and Crowley laughed. Ferid really liked the sound of his laughter.

"Gosh, Ferid, you're unbelievable. I think I will go back to sleep."

"Don't even think about it. I need to go to work soon and, as I recall, you have duty soon."

Crowley groaned and tried to hid his face in the nook of Ferid's neck.

"I hate you."

Ferid looked at him curiously.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? You hate me yet you lay here with me, snuggling like some kind of a dog and you're telling me that you hate me? I feel offended."

Crowley laughed again and then he hugged him tighter.

"I was kidding, I love you."

Wait.

What?

Did he mishear?

Did he confess?

"Wh-what did you say?"

Ferid sat immediately, starring at Crowley with wide eyes, and Crowley then realized what he has said. The man looked a little panicked and Ferid was still looking at him with his eyes wide open. Crowley really said 'I love you'.

"Shit…I just…I didn't me-…No, fuck it."

Crowley ran a hand through his messy hair and laughed bitterly. It wasn't the sound that Ferid liked.

"Yeah, I said it and I am not sorry about it."

Ferid bit his lip. There he had it. He should have ended things earlier, before this. He should have known this was coming. After all, they were acting like a couple, there was no lie about it. Ferid knew that, yet he allowed Crowley to continue.

It was Ferid's fault.

"We had agreement. No feelings, Crowley."

Ferid's voice was a bit shaky but he tried to act with more confidence.

"Yeah, but it was weeks ago, Ferid. Things changed."

Ferid shook his head.

"They didn't change for me."

Lies.

Crowley stared at him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and he shook his head.

"Ferid, please, don't lie to me. Don't tell me that you don't have feelings for me after everything we've done together?"

Ferid couldn't even look at him. His eyes were stinging but he couldn't find the strength to look at Crowley.

"Ferid, look at me!"

Ferid slowly looked at Crowley. He was wearing his grey t-shirt, looking sad at him. Ferid felt as if somebody punched him in the gut but he only cleared his throat.

"I don't have feelings for you."

More lies.

Crowley once again ran his hand through his hair and laughed.

"I thought that you will change, Ferid, that you will finally grow up, but guess I only wasted my time."

His words hurt Ferid, but he had it coming. He deserved it.

"I told you my rules, it's your fault that you fell for me."

"No Ferid, I was only human. It's normal for humans to fall in love, especially with someone who they enjoy spending time with."

Crowley was quickly putting his pants on without even looking at Ferid.

"I should have left you earlier," Ferid said with fake scorn.

Crowley laughed once again because of this ridiculous situation and looked at Ferid. His eyes were burning holes in Ferid and he was really fighting with his body not to start shaking.

"So you were planning on leaving me? Since when? Every time we met you were thinking that we should break up? Every time we were fucking or kissing?"

Crowley's voice was shaking with anger and Ferid looked at him with cold eyes.

"Yes, I knew that we were together for too long. I felt that you might start having feelings for me."

"So this is it. Your ideal end. Because it is over, unless you will grow up, Ferid."

Ferid laughed ironically.

"Grow up? Me? It's you who fell for me like a teenager."

Crowley started putting his shoes on.

"No Ferid, it's you who is a fucking kid. People have feelings. You were hurt by someone and instead of trying to heal, you're only making it worse!"

Crowley's words really hurt but Ferid couldn't show weakness in front of him.

"You don't understand."

He only whispered and Crowley stared at him in disbelief.

"THEN GO ON! EXPLAIN IT TO ME! You told me a short story about not having a chance to confess your feelings to Guren and I get it, you were hurt, but we both know that there was something more, someone else who has hurt you. Who was it Ferid? Who did that to you?"

Ferid was silent and Crowley was waiting for his answer. He never saw Crowley so angry so he turned his eyes away. He wished it would be that easy but it wasn't.

"Please don't tell me it was Guren. Or maybe it was Guren and I'm only imagining things. But if it was him, they you are really overreacting Ferid."

Crowley's words hurt him. He didn't know everything. He didn't have the right to say that.

"Get out!" Ferid only said, his words hurting his throat. He was shaking and he touched his arm.

"Fine! It's over, unless you will grow up and face your past. But I guess it's too much for you. Then have fun with living alone for the rest of your life."

When Ferid looked at Crowley again his vision was blurred.

What he saw wasn't Crowley at the doorstep.

It was a man with the dark hair and in a suit.

Standing at the doorstep with a suitcase.

 _When will you be back?_

Ferid didn't know when he got up from the bed, probably during his fight with Crowley.

Crowley slammed the door with anger. Ferid was still starring at them with wide eyes, wearing only a gray, loose t-shirt. Everything came back to him. The loneliness, the feeling of waiting for someone who will never come back, the pain.

His legs gave away.

He fucked up once again.

Crowley loved him but he couldn't open up his heart. He didn't want to be betrayed once again.

Sitting on the floor, looking at the door, he wasn't crying.

He had problems with breathing. It was over. They won't eat together anymore. They won't kiss anymore. He won't wake up in Crowley's arms anymore. He won't hear Crowley's laugh anymore.

Ferid didn't cry.

He didn't feel anything.

He was empty inside.

––––––––

Please don't kill me? xDD  
Lots of you probably saw it coming but maybe not everyone thought that it will look like this. I wanted Crowley's confession to be sincere, to be something unexpected yet so natural, so that's why he said his confession without thinking.  
And of course Ferid panicked because he realized that it was too late.  
But apart from all this drama, I really like this chapter, especially the scenes between Shinya and Ferid because finally these two idiots are closer and Ferid acknowledged that Shinya is his best friend.  
Ferid did one step forward but two steps back in the end of this chapter. But give him some time, he need to accept this situation. But oh well Crowley, you should talk with him earlier!  
Okay I will stop babbling. This chapter is earlier because I passed all my exams and I can do nothing for the next two weeks *O*  
As always I'm waiting for your opinions and see you next Thursday!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _I know I'll fall in love with you, baby  
And that's not what I wanna do_

––––––––

When Ferid was at work he couldn't focus.

Of course he wasn't showing outside what happened this morning. He was looking perfect as always, yet inside he was one big mess. Every time he tried to focus his thoughts were going back to his quarrel with Crowley.

" _You are really overreacting Ferid."_

Ferid stopped typing on his computer and looked at the screen while thinking. Was he really that bad? Were he exaggerating his problems that much?

"Excuse me?"

Crowley's words hurt and the fact that he said them few hours earlier didn't make it easier for him.

"Excuse me!"

Ferid blinked and saw a middle age woman looking at him angry.

"I want to buy a cooking book. Where will I find them?"

" _I need to buy a cooking book and I thought I would buy it here and say hi to you."_

Ferid remembered that day as if it was yesterday. Crowley, looking shyly, asking about a book because he wanted to make a dinner for his mom. Did she enjoyed it? He never asked him about it.

"Hello! Are you with me?!"

The woman waved her hand in front of Ferid's eyes and he sighed.

"The first alley on the left, you can find every cooking book there."

"Thank you," she said bitterly, and went there.

Meanwhile Chees looked at Ferid curiously. Something was wrong with Bathory. First, he was spacing out a lot, second, every time someone asked about a book he didn't respond with sharing his thoughts. He only said where the book is or sold it without commenting on it. That was odd. It's like he broke up with someone but that was impossible. It was Ferid, he was a selfish person so a break up wouldn't affect him that much.

"Something is wrong with him," she said to René at the back of the bookshop.

René only looked at her and sighed.

"Chess, please, go back to work."

But she totally ignored him.

"I mean, I could ignore it but I provoked him TWICE today and he didn't respond. René, TWICE! He always responded to me with his annoying voice, but when I told this asshole that he should unpack new books he only nodded and went to do it. He didn't respond to my 'Go die Bathory!'"

"He was only doing his job, I don't see anything strange in his behavior."

Chess crossed her arms on her chest and looked once again at working Ferid.

"Oh, no René, something IS WRONG. He wouldn't miss a chance to get on my nerves. Not Bathory. I mean, it's like he broke up with someone but he's an arrogant jerk, he wouldn't be so sad about it."

She looked at René who was writing something on his notepad, completely ignoring her.

"You're overreacting Chess."

"No! I will prove it to you!"

She cleared her throat and then, standing with confidence, she called Ferid.

"Hey, Bathory! Why don't you put the posters on the window and go die after it?"

"Yeah, I will do it," Ferid responded without looking at her and she smiled.

"See?! Told you-"

"CHESS BELLE!"

Chess' face went immediately blank because she knew that voice. It was Krul, standing at the doorframe, looking angry at her.

"What did I told you about working?! GO TO WORK IF YOU HAVE TIME TO ANNOY OTHER PEOPLE!"

"YES MADAME!"

Chess, nervously, went to the shop with some books, avoiding Krul's angry eyes.

"Gosh, I can't stand her sometimes. Both of them are really getting on my nerves."

Krul looked at working Ferid who was unusually silent. That wasn't like him.

"What's wrong with this asshole? Ah, not my business. René finish this and then you can go home."

She handed some documents to René and went back to her office. René stared at them and then heard his phone ringing. Another message from Lacus.

The whole morning Lacus was writing to him that he had a patrol with Crowley and was complaining that Crowley was so angry, that he literally scared the whole police station.

René knew that Ferid and Crowley had some kind of a relationship, so that really explained why Ferid was behaving strangely and why Crowley was angry.

After finishing his work he went to Ferid who was trying to focus on his own work, but the truth was he really couldn't do anything today.

René put coffee in front of Ferid and Ferid looked at him confused.

"Are you having some troubles today?" René asked Ferid, and the lilac man only sighed.

"Just a bad day René, you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you feel like the world is against you." Ferid tried to say it with his playful tone but he realized that he really didn't sound like himself, so he only shook his head and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, I can tell that you have a bad day. I can help you if you want."

"Thanks, but I will do it myself."

"The end of the year is always busy."

Oh, now Ferid realized that, indeed, New Year's Eve was the day after tomorrow. So he will spend it alone then.

"Yeah…but thank you for the coffee."

René nodded and then he left. Ferid stared through the window. It was slowly getting dark and the snow was falling from the sky. For a moment he wondered about what Crowley was doing.

Probably he was at his job, working. Was he still angry at him? Ferid looked at his phone.

He had no messages from Crowley.

––––––––

"And the rest of the information you will have in your book, brat."

Guren was sitting in one of the classrooms with Yuu, who was writing in his notepad. Seriously, why he agreed to tutor this kid when he should be resting at home?

Because Yuu wouldn't pass his chemistry classes if he wouldn't help him. What was wrong with this kid, is he really that stupid or is he only pretending? But what he liked in that kid was that, he never gave up even once, and he always tried his best.

"All right! I think I understand this part! Thank you! You know you're not that bad at teaching."

Guren snorted.

"Because I'm a teacher you idiot. Now pack your things, I need to close the school and you better study for the rest of your free days if you want to pass the next exam."

Yuu nodded but he was already typing to someone on his phone. Guren looked at him curiously.

"What? You won't respond? With whom are you writing? Your girlfriend?"

Yuu stared at him angrily with his cheeks red.

"Of course not! It's Shinoa, she's waiting for me. So, see ya!"

When Yuu opened the door Shinoa was standing there, waiting for him.

"Hi! I hope you didn't wait too long."

"Of course not. "

"I had some problems but Guren explained everything to me."

"Oh, I didn't know that blind person could do that."

Guren seriously wanted to punch her. Of course she knew about him and Shinya, she was his sister after all, even if only adopted, and he knew how close these two were.

"Shinoa, I'm still your teacher, you know?" Guren looked at her, and she only smiled to him deviously.

"Oh? Did I say something? I don't think so. Oh, and mr. Ichinose, you have beautiful eyes. Yuu, let's go!"

"Oh yeah, so about that book you gave me…"

And then these two left. He touched one of his eyes. Of course she was talking about the big bruise under one of his eyes. He was glad that he had Christmas break because teacher with a bruise like that wasn't a good example for children. It still hurt, he never thought that Bathory had so much strength in his slim body. Guren sighed and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't speak with Shinya for more than a week.

He tried to call him, but Shinya wasn't responding. He knew that the white haired man was trying to avoid him. Of course he could still go to their apartment but Shinya didn't want to see him and the truth was that Guren was scared to meet him. He didn't know what to tell him.

Shinya confessed to him his feelings, but what about him?

He still wasn't sure.

He also realized that this year he will spend the New Year's Eve without Shinya. He won't start a new year with his best friend.

It hurt and he touched his neck, closing his eyes. Everything was so messed up now. He was living with Goshi but Goshi was furious with him. He was Shinya's friend too and he understood what Hiiragi felt. Also Guren noticed that Goshi was aware of Shinya's feelings towards him. Was he the only one that didn't noticed?

"You're such an idiot Ichinose."

He said that to himself and no one responded to him in the empty classroom.

––––––––

Ferid was sitting on his couch with Mika on his knees. Scratching his cat behind its ears, he was listening to the voice on his phone.

" _So I tried to get a job in that coffee shop near my house but unfortunately it was taken. Too bad, I thought that that place would be perfect for me."_

Shinya was talking on the phone but Ferid couldn't focus on listening to him. He wanted to crawl under the blanket and take a nap. Sleeping was the best way to escape all his problems.

" _Ferid, are you listening to me?"_

"Yeah, too bad, maybe next time you will find a job."

"… _I asked you if you are free now."_

"Oh…"

Ferid needed to be more careful because he didn't want Shinya to know he messed up things with Crowley. Not now. Of course, he has to tell him at some point but he wasn't ready yet.

" _Well, you didn't answer and I'm already near your place."_

Shit.

Shinya was so annoying sometimes.

"You should have told me earlier, I'm tired."

" _But I sent you a message idiot! That's why I'm calling!"_

Ferid looked at his phone. Oh, right. He had some unread messages but when he saw that they weren't from Crowley, he lost his interest.

" _Seriously, what is wrong with you, Ferid?"_

"Nothing, I'm okay."

" _All right, I'm hanging up because I'm almost at your place!"_

Ferid groaned. He wanted to spend this evening alone, without Shinya. Of course Shinya still needed him but he thought that he would be okay if he would ignore him just today.

But of course Shinya had his sixth sense and sensed that Ferid messed up.

Ferid looked around. His place wasn't tidy but he didn't' have the strength to clean this up. He was wearing his most comfortable, red sweater and he didn't even bother to change it. After all, it was only Shinya. He didn't need to be beautiful in front of him, so he left his hair in a messy bun.

After few minutes he heard a door-bell and stood up, putting Mika away, and opened the door.

"Hello! How is your day?" Shinya greeted him with a big smile. It was nice to see him as his usual self, but today Ferid wanted to punch him or tell him to go away.

"Nice, lots of work because of New Year's Eve."

"Oh, right, it's the day after tomorrow. I forgot since I will be spending it alone at home."

 _Not only you_ , Ferid thought.

"Maybe I will watch some movies, do you have some good ones in your mind?"

Shinya put his bag on the armchair and he took off his scarf and a hat.

"I don't watch much movies," Ferid said while walking towards the kitchen to make a tea.

"Oh, right. I forgot that you're the book type. Anyway, you probably will spend it with Crowley. What are you guys planning to do?"

Ferid almost dropped his mug. Of course he asked him about it.

"Nothing, he has work on that day."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But you will probably do something the next day. Also, the night is long~."

Shinya winked to him but Ferid didn't respond. He stared at his mug thinking that yesterday he was drinking coffee with Crowley from it.

" _So, what do you want to do on the New Year's Eve?"_

" _I don't know, you have something in mind?"_

 _Crowley looked at him, while he was thinking. They were sitting on Ferid's couch, each of them on the other side, their legs touching._

" _Hmm, we could go outside or just stay here."_

" _The clubs might be crowded," Ferid said while he was drinking his coffee._

" _You're right, but we could go to see fireworks too. Or stay here…"_

 _He put his coffee on the table and touched Ferid's knee. Ferid smiled to him seductively._

"You sure you're okay Ferid?"

Shinya waved his hand in front of Ferid's eyes, looking at him with concern.

"Yeah…Sorry, I spaced out."

"You look tired too and looking at the bedroom, I assume that you had a rough night with Crowley."

Shinya smirked to him, pointing to the open door to his bedroom. Ferid stared at his bed. The sheets were still messy, his t-shirt laying on the floor.

Everything went back to him.

Crowley looking hurt.

Crowley shouting at him.

Crowley demanding his answers

" _I love you."_

These words that were haunting him the whole day.

"So, you can watch a movie with me if you want, and then you could meet with Crowley, what do you think?"

"I broke up with him."

Silence.

Shinya stared at him with wide eyes. He couldn't believe what he's heard from Ferid.

"Wh-what?"

Ferid was silent and avoided Shinya's eyes. He knew what he will see in them. Disappointment, pity, and probably anger. He felt the same when he was talking with Crowley this morning, words still fresh in his mind.

"Ferid, please. Tell me you're joking."

Ferid sighed and finally, finding courage, looked at Shinya with expressionless face.

"We ended things this morning. We had an argument because Crowley confessed to me."

Shinya's eyes were even bigger and he grabbed Ferid's arms.

"He said that he loved you and you rejected him?"

"Yes, I-"

And then Shinya slapped him.

It hurt, not like Crowley's words but still he felt the pain. He touched his cheek with a shaking hand looking surprised at Shinya.

Shinya was angry. He was almost shaking looking down.

"Why did you do this?! WHY, FERID?!"

"We've spent too much time together, he got too attached to me. I told him that he shouldn't have any feelings for me …"

"Stop this bullshit right now, Ferid!"

Shinya looked at him, anger and disappointment in his eyes, and Ferid stared at him too, with blank expression.

"Why are you like this? It was natural that he fell for you. I thought…that you fell for him too. I mean, look at you, Ferid!" He released Ferid and took a few steps back. "You changed…"

"Yeah, not sure if it-"

"But, Ferid! You changed for good! You started to care about people, you changed your attitude. You were happy with him! You were always denying that I'm your friend but when I was at my deepest end you were with me. You told me that you're my best friend, Ferid! I never thought that I will hear this from you. I realized that it's because of Crowley, because he had a good influence on you."

Ferid snorted, avoiding his eyes.

"You're wrong. Friendship with you is a different thing. He had nothing to do with it."

"No, you're wrong! He fell for you because you were acting like a couple even if you were denying it! It was the same as with me. You didn't consider me as your friend but we were friends! Just admit that you feel something for him!"

He had enough. Shinya was talking to him like he knew everything but he didn't know the truth. He felt cold once again and grabbed his arms, taking few steps away from Shinya.

"You don't understand!"

"YES, I don't understand! Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing everyone away?! You accepted me, accept Crowley too! He truly loves you and-"

"AND WHERE IS HE NOW?!"

Ferid looked at him with fury in his eyes but also bitterness. Enough of staying silent. They didn't understand, they didn't have the right to judge him.

"It's always like that with people you love! They love you now, making you attached to them, and then one day it's just a small quarrel and they leave you! Or worse, they have left you without anything, even a word! He didn't even try to understand my feelings! He just left me! Like everyone always did!"

At this point he was shaking and he couldn't stop it. He felt something warm on his cheeks. Was he crying? He didn't remember when was the last time he has cried.

"Because you pushed him away, Ferid!"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!"

"NO, I don't!" Shinya looked at him angry but there was also sorrow in his eyes. He was still his friend after all. "And neither Crowley does. He left you because he was angry that you rejected him. But he was also confused." He sighed and took a deep breath. "You know everything about me Ferid, but I don't know everything about you and it's fine. You will tell me, or not, if you will be ready. But Crowley? He deserves explanation. If you want to have him back, talk with him."

"I don't need his love. Love only hurts people," Ferid snapped and Shinya wanted to slap him once again.

"Yes, it hurts and I'm probably the best example of it. But you know what? Despite the fact that Guren is an asshole, I'm grateful for our friendship and I don't regret my feelings. At least I tried Ferid, and you? Gosh, you don't know how angry and jealous I'm right now. You have a great guy who loves you and still you pushed him away. Wake up Ferid or you will end up being forever alone!"

Ferid laughed but his laughter was fake and sounded really pitiful. Tears were still in his eyes.

"He said that to me too, you know. He's a good guy? Then take him, you're a good guy too, you deserve him more than me."

"Seriously, if you won't shut up I will punch you once again!"

But Shinya didn't have a heart to do it once again. Looking at a miserable Ferid, with his messy hair and red eyes, he wanted to hug him. He was his friend but he didn't want to be nice to him right now. Ferid needed to wake up and get his shit together.

"Take a nap, arrange your thoughts and call Crowley. Explain everything to him."

"There is no point in this, he probably hates me."

"Don't make the same mistake as me! Talk with him earlier!"

"I'm nothing like you, I'm not hopelessly in love."

Shinya took a deep breath and combed his fingers through his hair.

"I don't want to hear this bullshit anymore. I'm leaving because I might hurt you once again otherwise."

He took his bag and started walking towards the door.

"Fine, go. Like I said, everyone is leaving me."

"I don't want to see you now but I'm not leaving you forever, idiot!"

And then Shinya slammed the door.

Ferid looked at the door still standing in the kitchen, he still couldn't stop shaking. He wrapped his arms around himself tighter and went to the couch to lay there motionlessly trying to stop the tears.

He couldn't lay in his bedroom.

His bed still smelled like Crowley.

––––––––

Next day Ferid was literally looking like shit. He had bags under his eyes, his hair were put in a messy, low ponytail and he wore one of his old sweaters.

He has spent the night on the couch because he still couldn't sleep in his bed. It was a strange feeling, sleeping alone without strong arms wrapped around him. He should be used to sleeping alone, he was long before he has met Crowley, but now? He felt so cold.

Ferid was barely talking to anyone and was spacing out a lot in the bookshop.

Chess wanted to joke about it but when she told him to 'go die' he only stared at her with his puffy eyes and went back to work. And for the first time Chess felt bad about her joke and stayed silent for the rest of the day.

Even Krul didn't shout at him this much because he was doing his work even if he wasn't the best at it.

"You are really looking bad."

Ferid heard a voice and looked with his tired eyes behind the glasses at the violet haired girl in front of him.

"Oh, Shinoa, right?"

He really didn't expect her today. Shinya told her something or what?

"I'm glad you remembered me! Looking at you I know why brother was so angry when I met him yesterday. You two had a bro-fight?"

She smiled to him but it was a warm smile. Ferid tried to smile back but he didn't have the strength.

"Well, he only tried to help me and I was an asshole to him."

He sighed because he knew that Shinya didn't deserve what he told to him yesterday. He acted like an asshole and he truly wanted to apologize to him but he knew that Shinya needed some time.

"I hope it wasn't something serious because I'm glad that he has a friend other than that asshole Guren. He really likes you."

"Well, he's my best friend."

There was a little smile on his lips and Shinoa smiled to him wider.

"So, will you show me some new books? I really want to read something new during Christmas."

Ferid wasn't in the best shape but he thought that it was a nice beginning to being back to his old self. Because seriously, what was wrong with him?

He didn't sleep for the whole night, tears occasionally dropping from his eyes without any sound. He didn't know why he acted like that.

He had never been this useless after ending things with someone. He needed to be his old self.

He was planning to end things with Crowley. It was the end. Trying to be back with him wasn't an option. Crowley really deserved someone better than him and it was time to get his shit together.

"All right, let me show you."

––––––––

Horn opened the door to the police car while she was holding a cup of coffee.

Inside she saw Crowley leaning over the steering wheel with his eyes closed.

"Bad night?" she asked, and gave him coffee.

He looked at her, tired, and took the drink.

"Thanks," he only said.

"So, will you tell me why you wanted to kill everyone? Because seriously, I've never seen you angry like that and we know each other for few years."

Crowley only stared at his cup considering what he wanted to say.

"I confessed to Ferid."

Horn stared at him, shocked.

"Wow, that's something unexpected, but still it doesn't explain why you were so angry."

"He didn't like it."

"Oh, I forgot that he was weird."

Crowley stared at her with anger in his eyes and she only smiled at him kindly. She knew that she crossed the line a bit.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, it's my fault that I spilled it. I wasn't planning on doing this, you know? We were just lying in the bed and then I said it without thinking."

"Well, you have feelings for him so it was natural that you said it out loud. What did he say?"

Crowley laughed bitterly.

"That I broke our agreement and then I asked him what about his feelings. He said that he doesn't feel that way about me."

"Ouch," Horn said looking at him with sympathy. She knew that Crowley was a good guy. His main problem was that he got bored easily and he was looking for someone who would entertain him forever. She wasn't that person but she was okay with their friendship. She preferred him as her friend, not a partner.

Crowley had some partners, both women and men, in his life but he never confessed to anybody. Hearing that he confessed suddenly without thinking was a shock for her. Ferid really must be important to him.

"Yeah, and then I said really mean things to him. Like the fact that he will be forever alone if he will keep on acting like this."

"Well, but it's true. People don't live like this, at least not normal ones."

"You're right, but the truth is that I want to test him to see if he has feelings for me. Deep down I feel like he has them but he's too scared to say them out loud. Someone hurt him in the past, I felt it, and I hope that I'm not wrong about him. I said a lot of mean things but my confession… I meant it. I really love him and I hope that he feels the same way. I don't want to end this relationship."

He stared at the cup in his hand and tightened his grip around it.

"And if he doesn't love you?"

Crowley took a deep breath.

"I don't even want to think about it, Horn."

She nodded and looked at the street.

"So that's why you're on a patrol on the New Year's Eve."

He nodded and sipped on his coffee.

"What about you? Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I'm alone again. He wasn't for me and I don't want to go to see my family. So I decided that working will be the best way out!"

She smiled to him looking bossy, and he smiled too.

" _Sorry to interrupt you two, but we need you."_

They heard Lacus' voice in the radio and Crowley turned on their car.

––––––––

When Ferid woke up on the New Year's Eve he didn't know what to do.

Shinya invited him to watch some movies but that was before they had an argument and Hiiragi was probably still angry at him.

Ferid wanted to give him more time, so he didn't wrote to him.

Crowley didn't write to him either.

Ferid could write to him but if he wanted to really end this he shouldn't. Yet he couldn't delete Crowley's phone number from his phone and there was a slight hope inside him that Crowley will call him.

He tried to read some books but it was pointless. He couldn't focus.

Lying motionlessly in bed wasn't a good idea too because all his bad thoughts were back and he still heard Crowley's voice in his head.

'That person's' too, and he decided that that's enough.

Time to be himself once again.

He washed his hair and put them in a high ponytail. He found his best long sleeved shirt and his most expensive scarf. He put some tight, black jeans on and looked at himself in the mirror. He was almost perfect because there were still bags under his eyes. He will need to take care of them later.

Looking around his place he found his wallet and phone. He gave Mika food and left his apartment.

He won't spend this evening in his apartment, that wasn't like him.

So he went to the club.

It was one of his favorite places in the past and upon entering it some people recognized him and greeted him.

"Well, isn't it Ferid Bathory?"

When he went towards the bar a tall, dark haired man smiled to him. Oh, he remembered him. He dated him before Crowley. What was his name, Mikel? Or something like that.

"Yes, one and only~." Ferid looked at him with a smirk.

"I thought you were dead. I didn't see you there for almost three months!"

Oh, so he was dating Crowley that long. Well, Crowley was indeed his longest partner.

"Well, I had some things to do but I'm enjoying freedom once again."

He ordered some drink and drank it in one go.

Mikel was still standing near him, looking at him all the time. He was still interested in him, Ferid could tell by the look in his eyes.

"So, you want to dance?"

The music changed to something quick and Ferid nodded. He came here to have fun, not to sit and drink.

They went to the dancefloor. The club was crowded because of the New Year's Eve and it was still few hours before midnight, but some people were already drunk. He felt the smell of alcohol and knew that some of these people were on drugs too. He had never touched drugs in his whole life but he knew what people were doing in places like this.

Because before Crowley he was here almost every day.

He remembered his first date with Crowley.

" _Oh! I like this song, let's dance~!"_

 _He stood up but Crowley looked at him with doubt._

" _But I can't-"_

" _No excuses, let's go!"_

They had so much fun and he could swear that he could still hear his laugher when they were dancing. He could feel Crowley's hands on his hips and feel the desire in his touch.

But in front of him wasn't Crowley, it was Mikel.

He was trying to touch him like he did when they were meeting each other. They got drunk, then danced, then had a rough sex, and then parted their ways before morning. That was their relationship.

Nothing like his relationship with Crowley.

He was still thinking about the policeman and Ferid wanted to curse himself.

He allowed Mikel to touch him but inside he felt bad about it. He felt like Crowley was watching him, standing somewhere.

He could see his devastated face when he said that he doesn't loved him.

He could see his sad eyes.

He felt sick.

When Mikel grabbed his ass he wanted to puke. It wasn't right.

He pushed the tall guy away.

"What is wrong?"

"I need fresh air, sorry…"

He went to the back, where the bathrooms were and took a few deep breaths.

" _I love you."_

He heard the words of the song that was currently playing, but instead he heard Crowley's voice, not the singer's. What was wrong with him, why was he like this? Why couldn't he forget him?

"Everything okay?"

Mikel was back with him and he smiled to him, trying to look confident.

"Sorry, too many people and I don't feel good these days."

"Well, I could tell by the bags under your eyes." He went towards Ferid and now Ferid was leaning on the wall. Mikel touched Ferid's hair with a smirk on his face. "But I still think you're sexy. You know, you didn't show here lately and I was thinking about you. About how good we were in bed. I miss hearing your screams, moans. I want you inside me once again."

He was now whispering to Ferid's ear and Ferid looked at him with his fake smile. That guy really started irritating him right now. He was going too far with his touch. He gently pushed him away.

"Dear Mikel, I thought that I was clear. We won't see each other and, especially, fuck each other ever again. It's over."

He wanted to go but Mikel grabbed his arm and pushed him on the wall.

"Don't lie, you liked that, I know you missed me!"

Gosh, that guy really needed to wake up. Ferid looked at him dangerously.

"Let me go."

Mikel stared at him and then he kissed him hard on the mouth. Ferid wanted to push him back especially, when he felt his hand near his belt. That was enough.

First he punched that asshole in the face.

Then he kicked him in the crotch.

Mikel groaned and kneeled on the floor, cursing him, but Ferid only took his coat and left that place.

He was shaking once again, still feeling that awful taste after the kiss. He wanted to puke but instead he took out his phone from his pocket and looked for the right number.

He tried, really, to be his old self.

He thought that going back to the club, where he was spending his time back then, will be a good start.

He was wrong.

He couldn't be his old self.

Ferid told Crowley that he was acting like a teenager because he fell for him.

The truth was different.

He was the one who fell for Crowley. He was the one who crossed the line. He was the one who couldn't be his old self because of Crowley.

He missed him, he wanted him back.

So he called him while he was shaking in the alley. He needed to hear his voice to calm down. It always helped and he needed it right now. He didn't care if Crowley would be angry or if he would shout at him. He just wanted to hear him.

He waited, still shaking.

"Come on, pick up," he said, his voice almost breaking.

He was waiting and waiting but Crowley didn't pick up. Once again he felt tears on his cheeks. The air was cold so it hurt more. He saw the snow falling from the sky. It was still before the midnight.

Crowley didn't pick up.

Ferid's legs almost gave out but he leaned against the wall.

He still had his phone in his shaking hand.

"Pick up, I want to fix it," he said in a broken voice.

But no one answered the phone.

It was over. He messed up, Crowley didn't want to know him anymore.

He laughed bitterly and then he started walking towards his apartment. He couldn't go back to the club, he didn't want to be drunk either, so he chose to lay under the blanket in his warm apartment.

He still couldn't sleep in his bed.

––––––––

When he was back in the apartment he immediately went to the bathroom to take a shower.  
He could still smell the stench of drunk people on his skin and feel Mikel's touch. He needed to wash it away.

He thought that under the warm water he would be able to stop shaking but it didn't help.  
He sobbed in the shower. He really tried to fix this, he realized his mistakes.

He will tell Crowley. Everything. Why he's so scared, about 'that person', about his life.

But will Crowley want to hear him out? Will he meet with him? Will he look at him?

Ferid left the bathroom and put on his warm, comfy sweater. He turned on TV. It was an hour before the midnight.

Mika was looking at him curiously but he ignored his cat and went to the kitchen. He wanted to make a tea to warm himself up. He put his scarf around his neck and waited for water to boil. At the same time Mika was still looking at his owner. The cat yawned and then he jumped on the coffee table and found one of his favorite toys, the remote control. He started to bite it and play with it by pushing some random buttons.

Ferid heard that the channels were changing on his TV and he groaned.

"Mika, please leave the remote control!"

But the cat was still playing with it and then suddenly he lost interest in it and stared at the TV screen meowing.

Ferid sighed. His life was one, big mess and his cat was a demon. What the hell was wrong with this world?

He made his tea and went to the living room. Mika changed the channel to the news channel.

"What did I tell you about playing with my things? You have enough toys."

The cat hissed at him but Ferid ignored him. He looked at the screen.

He saw a speaker who was talking about some kind of robbery. He decided to turn the volume up.

" _The robbery was sudden, a group of masked men attacked the shop while-"_

In that moment everything was silent for Ferid.

There was a robbery at the shop. On the screen he saw a lot of policemen. He saw Lacus with the blond woman, probably Horn. She was crying.

" _We don't know much details. Few of the policemen are still inside, some of them are injured…"_

Injured.

Horn was crying.

There was no sight of Crowley and those were the people he was working with.

He heard his mug shattering on the floor as he dropped it.

Crowley wasn't picking up his phone.

Was he…?

Ferid immediately took his coat and, without a second thought, he left his apartment.

He started running towards the place.

He only hoped he wasn't too late.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _Cry baby, cry baby  
We need to cry  
And if we do, I know that would be alright_

––––––––

Ferid was running.

He didn't even check if he closed the door to his apartment.

He wanted to catch a taxi but he realized that he didn't took his wallet.

So he ran.

He was making his way through the crowds. The city was full of them because it was New Year Eve and there were a lot of parties. Some people gave him a curios look, some shouted at him when he pushed them by accident on his way, but he didn't care.

He was only praying inside that he wouldn't be too late.

The crime scene wasn't that far from his place but still, it was a long run and he felt like his lungs were burning. He didn't stop for a second because that would be a waste of time and he didn't have much of it.

Was Crowley alive? Was he late?

He hadn't had a chance to speak with him. He couldn't leave it like that. He needed to talk with Crowley as soon as possible.

After a few minutes, Ferid felt as if it lasted hours, he finally arrived at the right place.

Lots of people stood outside the shop. Most of them were only here because of the robbery and they were curious what happened.

Ferid didn't care about them so he started pushing them away without even apologizing, just to get closer.

When he finally got through the crowd he saw a big electronic store and a lot of policemen outside. He looked around but he didn't saw Crowley.

"Crowley!" Ferid shouted, and hoped that soon he will see Crowley's red head. But he didn't.

He wanted to move closer but soon he felt a strong hand around his arm. He looked angry at the man who was holding him.

"Sir, I need you to step back."

"Let me go! I need to see him!"

"Sir!"

Ferid wanted to punch the policeman but soon someone grabbed his hand. He turned around and saw René's face.

"Ferid, what are you doing here?"

"I-"

Ferid was taken aback and suddenly he didn't know what to tell the dark haired man. But René realized what's going on and waved his hand to Lacus.

Yeah, Lacus. He was working with Crowley and he was René's boyfriend. That's why René was here. Maybe Lacus will tell him what happened to Crowley.

Lacus ran to them immediately and looked at Ferid in surprise.

"Wait, you're Ferid! It's okay Jack, he's with me," Lacus said to the policeman who was holding Ferid's arm, and he immediately released him.

Lacus wanted to say something but Ferid grabbed his arms and looked at him with anger and concern.

"Where is Crowley?!"

"Calm down Ferid, we-"

"Lacus!"

Both of them heard woman's voice and when they turned the direction it was coming from, they saw Horn waving to them.

Ten policemen came out of the shop holding five masked men. Crowley wasn't with them and Ferid held his breath.

But then he saw him.

Crowley came out of the shop with the help of other policemen. He was holding his side and there was a lot of blood.

Ferid ran to him but the medics reached him first. They took him and put him on the stretcher.

"Crowley!"

Once again he was pushed back by the medics and policemen, but Lacus told them to let him through. Horn joined them.

Ferid came towards medics and looked at Crowley. He was saying something to the medic but he stopped when he saw Ferid.

"Ferid?! What… are you doing… here…"

But Ferid couldn't find words. He only looked at the medics who were patching up Crowley.

Blood was on Crowley's stomach and he was really pale.

"Or am I already in heaven," Crowley whispered, and then he closed his eyes.

"Crowley?! I need to talk with you!"

"Calm down, Sir. He only passed out, he lost a lot of blood. We're taking him to the hospital."

They pushed Ferid away but soon someone grabbed his arm again. Seriously what was with people and grabbing his arm today?

He looked confused at the blond haired woman. Her name was Horn, he remembered, Crowley told him about her.

"I will take you to the hospital. Come with me."

Ferid didn't even respond. He only glanced again at the ambulance and then he went with Horn.

During the ride Horn was trying to explain to him what have happened in the shop but he couldn't focus on her words.

The only thing that mattered to him was the fact that Crowley was alive and he would have a chance to talk to him.

––––––––

When Crowley opened his eyes he saw a white celling. He blinked few times, trying to remember where he was and what's happened.

Then everything came back to him.

The call from the owner of the Electric Store about the small robbery.

The whole group of masked men.

The shooting.

Wait, he was shot, right?

He looked down and surprisingly, he saw Ferid.

He was sleeping with his head resting on his arms at the edge of the bed. He was also touching Crowley's hand, which made him even more confused.

What was Ferid doing here? Did someone call him? Why did he know about the robbery?

Suddenly Ferid shifted and slowly opened his eyes. His hair was put into a messy ponytail and he really wasn't looking like his usual perfect self, which only stirred up Crowley's curiosity.

This sight also reminded Crowley of all the mornings they had spent together. Usually Ferid woke up first but sometimes it was Crowley who woke up earlier, and he really liked to watch the lilac hair man slowly waking up, his eyes still sleepy and his hair in a mess.

Crowley wished they could stay like this forever.

Finally Ferid looked at him and, a bit shy, he cleared his throat.

"You're awake."

"Yeah."

Ferid for a moment was silent but then he pointed at his side.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, they probably put me on some strong painkillers."

The silence fell on the room again and Crowley could only hear the sound of the machines.

"What are you doing here, Ferid?" Crowley finally asked, and Ferid avoided his eyes.

"I wanted to talk with you."

"Oh, so you have finally grown up?"

Crowley didn't want to say it but he did it so fast, that he didn't realize when it has happened. His words must have hurt Ferid because he only bit his lip and sighed.

"Sorry, I didn't want to say it."

"I…I saw the news about the robbery. Horn was crying in the back and you were nowhere to be seen, so I decided to look myself into what happened."

Right, the reporters were probably everywhere after they got the call. It was New Year's Eve after all.

"Did Horn tell you what happened inside?"

"Yeah…but I couldn't focus on what she was saying. The doctors didn't tell me much either because…we're not related, and not in an official relationship… I barely convinced the nurse to let me stay here. But if you want to rest then I will leave-"

"Stay."

Ferid was really babbling, so Crowley needed to shut him up. And it worked. Ferid looked at him for a moment and then he looked at his hands again.

"Horn told me you didn't know that there were so many of them."

"Well, yeah. We weren't prepared for such a big action. That's why I didn't have my bulletproof jacket on and they got me. We got a phone call about a small robbery in that store. We went there with Horn and two other policemen and suddenly, we were facing five thieves. They killed one of us and hit me when I covered Horn, so she could run away and call backups. It took a while for them to come. I knew that my wound wasn't fatal but still it hurt like a bitch and I felt lightheaded because of the blood lose. You know the rest of the story."

Crowley looked once again at Ferid. He saw his comfy clothes that Ferid was wearing only at home. He really came immediately when he saw the news. Ferid Bathory never left his house not looking perfect.

And now Crowley was looking at Ferid with his in disarray hair, and still in an open coat with a scarf wrapped around his neck.

Was Ferid worried about him for all this time?

"I'm glad then. That you're okay."

Crowley was waiting for Ferid to speak again because he knew that Ferid needed a moment to gather his thoughts.

"When I saw the news, for a moment I thought that you were dead. That scared me because I felt bad that I didn't tell you everything. All these days after our fight I was trying to forget about you, to move on like I always did. But I couldn't Crowley. In the end you were right. I was acting like a child, I was the one who broke our arrangement. I couldn't forget about you. And I was sad because you probably thought of me as a heartless asshole and you're right. But I was also angry that you didn't try to understand me-"

"Ferid-"

"No, let me finish. In the end, I never told you my whole story. You knew that I was hurt by someone and I told you it was Guren. I wasn't lying back then but his words weren't the reason that I changed so much. It was someone else."

Ferid for a moment was silent. He was looking at his hands and Crowley waited. So in the end Crowley was right. He really wanted to hear the rest of the story.

"I was raised by my father. Well, maybe not by him but by my nannies, but he was the only family I had. I didn't know my mother. She wasn't my father's wife, it was probably a one night stand. I once asked my nanny about this and she told me that my mom was his lover, and when she got pregnant my father paid her to leave me with him because he needed an heir. The nanny was fired that day, but father never denied her words so she was probably right. My mother abandoned me for money and didn't care about me. Since that day I was grateful towards my father because you know, he could have paid her to remove the pregnancy but instead he wanted to raise me. So I started learning hard, feeling that I needed to make father proud so he would never regret his choice about me. I wasn't spending much time with him. He was always busy with his company and he didn't have time to babysit his son. I only had dinners with him in the evening. I had my tutor at home and when I was five I got a really good grade. My tutor said that to my father and he showed him my results. My father smiled then and for the first time he showed me affection. He patted my head and told me that he's proud of me."

Ferid smiled to himself at this memory.

"I didn't want it to be the last time. I wanted my father to start paying attention to me. So I started learning even more. I wanted to be good at math, science, anything that could be useful for him in the future. I didn't care about the other children or friends. I didn't have any friends and none of my nannies were my friend either. They only took care of me but they didn't like me because I always told them what I thought and those weren't usually nice things."

Crowley smiled a bit because he suddenly remembered their first encounter when Ferid told the man with a gun what he was thinking and that had cost him a wounded arm.

"But as long as my father was proud of me I was okay with this. He started taking me to restaurants for dinner and took me few times to some parties in his company. I was growing up and he decided that I should start going to school. I was the best student the whole time, but I was alone. The kids didn't like me because I thought they were stupid. I wasn't the nicest kid but that wasn't important to me at the time. Everything was perfect until I went to high school. I was a growing teenager surrounded by other stupid teenagers. From the first day I was hated by the whole class just because I was smarter than them and I didn't want to go out with them to smoke or to drink. The things at home started changing too. My father was acting strange, always talking to someone on the phone, thinking about something or writing to someone on his phone. I thought that he has met a women, so I said to him that I would like to meet her but he sent me a really scary look telling me to study and to not pay attention to such trivial things. I never asked him about it again. I started spending less time with him and I didn't know why. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Then my teacher asked me to tutor Guren and that made our relationship even more distant. When I told my father about it he was angry that I waste my time on that boy, that he didn't deserve my precious time. Like I said, I was a teenager and I got really angry. I was telling myself that I was okay with my loneliness but the truth was, I was not. Always alone, and now even my father didn't have time for me. I wanted a friend, someone I could talk to who shared my interests. Guren was like that. So I told my father that I will do it anyway. He looked at me with pity and never talked about it again, which was weird. But back then I didn't know what he was planning."

Ferid stopped and took a deep breath. That memory was still a fresh wound even after all these years.

"The day Guren told me that he still hated me I went back home. I was devastated. I only wanted a friend and even that didn't work out. What was wrong with me, I asked myself. I was attached to my father but I needed to pay him for everything he has done for me. I didn't want to disappoint him. That day, in the morning, I asked father if he would eat a dinner with me. He told me that he will be late and not to wait for him. Walking back from library, sad and angry at Guren's words, I still had hope that at least I could eat with my father. I told our chef to prepare his favorite food and waited. I don't know how long it took. When I saw that it was nearly midnight I called to him few times. He didn't pick up. I was really worried but I thought that maybe he was still working. After few minutes I fell asleep and was woken up by the noise…."

 _Ferid opened his eyes slowly. It was nearly two in the morning. Was it his father? Did he finally came? He suddenly felt awake and stood up from the couch. He went to the living room and saw some people._

 _It wasn't his father._

 _The maid was looking confused at two men. Ferid knew them._

 _It was Urd Geales and Lest Karr. They were his father's partners._

 _When they spotted him, Lest went to him immediately and grabbed his arm._

" _WHERE IS SAITO?!"_

 _Ferid looked confused and scared at the man who was his height._

" _Lest, leave him, you're only scaring the kid," Urd said with weariness in his voice._

" _Father…is not home."_

 _Lest growled and released him. Urd went to them and looked at Ferid seriously._

" _Ferid, we need to know where your dad is."_

 _The teenager looked at them. He didn't know what was happening._

" _I don't know…I was waiting for him here and tried to call him, but he won't pick up."_

" _Of course he's not picking up. Even from his son! What a jerk."_

 _Urd only sent a death glare to Lest and looked once again at Ferid._

" _You really don't know anything?"_

 _Ferid was even more confused._

" _About what? Where is my father? What's going on?!"_

 _Urd sighed and combed his hand through his hair._

" _Your dad took all the money from the company and disappeared. We don't know where he is or why he needed the money. We couldn't contact him, so we thought that maybe you will know something, but as I can see, he left you too."_

 _What._

 _That's not possible._

 _His father would never do that!_

 _Ferid was so taken aback that he didn't say anything. He only stared at them in shock._

" _Urd, we're wasting our time here. Let's go, we need to find that jerk."_

" _Ferid, if he will call you, please inform us. It's really important."_

 _Ferid didn't nod because even if his father would call him, he wouldn't told them about it._

 _When the pair left, Ferid tried to call his father once again. And again. He was calling him the whole night but near the morning he realized one thing._

 _His father abandoned him._

 _He saw his tall figure in a suit with a suitcase when he was leaving for work in the morning. He remember him passing through the door. It was a common sight for Ferid but now it was the last time he saw him._

 _Ferid wrapped his arms around himself and started crying._

" _Why did you left me, father?"_

"I think I cried the whole day back then. It was really shocking for me, being alone in our big apartment. The whole week was like a blur for me and when I had my exams you can guess that I did really bad. I didn't care about them anymore. What was the point in trying to be useful to your father if he abandoned you? I didn't know what to do. I still tried to call my father. I did it every day and told him what I was doing. I didn't know if he ever listened to this calls but I needed it. I was living like a doll until one day when Urd and Lest visited me once again…"

 _Ferid was sitting in his living room. His shoulder length hair was messy and he had bangs under his eyes. Urd and Lest were looking at him curiously and then Urd took some papers from his bag._

" _Okay, Ferid. We need to make things clear. Your dad is not returning. He's missing god knows where but we didn't find him."_

" _Maybe you should call the police finally," Ferid said with bitterness in his voice. He wanted to do this after his father didn't return after few days, but Lest and Urd forbade him to do it. He wanted an explanation._

 _The pair looked at each other and Lest cleared his throat._

" _Okay kid. Saito, I mean, your dad, wasn't making everything legal in our company. We knew about it and we decided to keep our mouth closed as long as we earned money. That's why we can't involve police into this."_

 _Ferid looked at them. He wasn't even shocked about it. What will be the next thing? His father was a terrorist? Each day he learned something bad about his father and he really was tired of it. He didn't know if it was true. He couldn't think about it. His father was his role model. He couldn't destroy that image._

" _But still, your dad took a lot of money and we can't forget about that. The company needs that money so here's our proposition."_

 _They showed him some papers and Ferid looked at them without any emotions on his face._

" _Your dad left a will in which he wrote that after his death or in case he went missing, you have the rights to take his part of the company. Your dad is not here so you are responsible for the actions of the company. He's not dead, so we can't just take over his part because you're alive, but we have another resolution. You need to give us a permission to manage your part in your name."_

 _Ferid read the papers._

" _So I can't sell it to you but you want me to give it to you without any gain? And what if I would want my part back?"_

 _Urd and Lest looked at him seriously and Ferid shivered. These two were nice to him but he knew that all they cared about wasmoney._

" _Ferid, we both know that you're not a kid anymore and we know that you are smart. We want to give you an ultimatum, a way so you could live a normal life without your father. You will give us your share and, of course, you will get some money in return as a compensation so you can live on. We don't want you homeless. Speaking of the house."_

 _Urd waved his hand, pointing at the surroundings._

" _We only talked about your dad's shares in the company, but there is still a debt left. So our proposition is, you will sell this house and instead we will find you some small apartment and won't bother you anymore. So what do you think?"_

 _Ferid's head hurt. He didn't know what to do. He knew his dad wanted him to be a part of his company._

 _But Saito wasn't here anymore._

" _You didn't answer my question. What if I wanted to take my part of the company?"_

" _Kid, how was your test? Are you going to the proper university?" Lest asked Ferid, and Ferid wanted to laugh. He failed his tests, so he decided not to answer._

" _As I thought. Sign this Bathory and you will be free from this mess."_

 _And Ferid signed because what else was he supposed to do?_

"So you're still part of the company?" Crowley asked him and Ferid nodded.

"They have my signature that they are working under my name. I could take my part anytime, but I think that before I could do anything about this they would have taken me off. You heard about the Progenitor company. They are as big as Hiragi's, even bigger. But each company like that has their contacts. The fact that they allowed me to live is a miracle, but I didn't think about it. They gave me my apartment and I started to earn my living. At the begging I did small jobs. I also started reading more, like I did when I was a kid. That's when I saw a job offer at the library. I worked there for a really short time and then I found Krul's book store and stayed there. I never went to University. It was pointless for me. Books were enough for me and I wasn't interested in studying anything for the company. I still had a lot of knowledge so I could work in business, but I wasn't interested."

Ferid stopped once again. His voice was a bit shaky and he squeezed his hand on his sweater.

"I told you that I was lonely even when I had my father's company. I was even lonelier then. So I started going to clubs. I've never in my life drank alcohol, but I started enjoying it. Every day I went to the bar and I drank and danced with strangers. I wasn't addicted to alcohol, it was more about being with people. I started sleeping with strangers because I wanted to feel something, feel warmth of the other person. I tried dating but each time I was meeting with someone for longer than three days I was scared. Scared of being left once again. So I decided that I should be the one ending relationships. I started my strange life, changing partners after few weeks. Each time I was with someone, I saw my father at the doorstep, leaving me without saying any word to me."

Ferid felt that he was shaking and he didn't even try to stop this. He felt that Crowley squeezed his hand, and he felt something wet and warm on his cheek.

"I was scared of being alone once again, so I tried to do anything to avoid any attachments. Even with my father…I still call him, you know? At first I did it every day, then once a week, now it's once a month…but I still do it. I still have hope that he will return to me, or at least pick up his phone, but I know that he won't. And when you left me that day…I saw my father once again at the doorstep. It was you but all I could see was my father leaving me without saying why…"

Crowley then took his hand and pulled Ferid towards him. Ferid didn't protest and he didn't try to stop his tears.

"You should have told me this earlier, you know?" Crowley said while stroking Ferid's back.

"I know but…I couldn't. It's not that easy for me."

Crowley hugged him even tighter ignoring the pain in his side. That wasn't important right know.

"But I decided to say everything to you because you deserved to know why I treated you like that…but…I was lying and…"

"I understand."

Crowley smiled to him and wiped away the tears from Ferid's cheek.

"So…you won't leave me?"

"No, I won't leave you. I will stay with you."

Ferid smiled to him.

"But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bit angry at you."

"Don't worry, I will make it up to you," Ferid said, and then he leaned to kiss Crowley but suddenly they heard a voice.

"Crowley?! Where is he?!"

Crowley groaned and Ferid looked at him confused.

"I know that voice."

"What? Who-"

The door to the room opened and a middle aged woman entered looking worried. She was tall and slightly muscled with red hair. Ferid quickly moved away from Crowley.

"Crowley! My angel, what happened to you?!"

Angel? Ferid looked confused.

"Mom, you're too loud. Besides, it's nothing serious."

Mom? Oh shit, it was Crowley's mother! Ferid wanted to punch himself. Or jump out of the window. Or both.

He wasn't ready to meet Crowley's mother.

Especially while few second earlier he was hugging her son. Did she know about him?

The woman looked at him and he shivered.

"Oh, dear! I didn't notice you. You're Ferid, right?"

So she knew about him, great.

"Yes, Ms. Eusford."

"Oh stop it, call me 'mom'."

WHAT?!

"I know you're dating my son, he's always talking about you-"

"Mom, please."

"So I know you're his boyfriend. You don't have to be so formal with me, dear!"

Ferid stared at her taken aback and his mouth open. He didn't know what to say because, well, he never in his life called anyone 'mom'.

He has just told Crowley about his past and now this? That was really too much for him. He needed to get out of here.

"I'm sorry but I need to call. Crowley could you lend me your phone? I forgot mine."

"Yeah, sure."

Crowley took his phone and looked at it. After a moment he gave it to Ferid.

And Ferid then left the Eusfords alone.

Crowley's mom looked a bit confused.

"Why did he leave, honey?"

Crowley only sighed.

"I think your words surprised him, mom."

––––––––

Shinya saw an unknown number and he picked up his phone.

"Hello?"

" _Shinya? It's Ferid."_

"Ferid?! Thank god! You know I tried to call you for hours?! Where have you been and whose number is it?!"

He heard Ferid sighing on the other side. He sounded tired ad Shinya waited for him to speak up.

" _I'm in the hospital right now."_

"Is it Crowley?! I saw the news and I saw you running in the background, what happened?!"

" _I have seen the news too and I went there to see what happened. Crowley got shot and now he's at the hospital. The bullet didn't make much damage so he will be ok soon…I'm calling from Crolwey's phone because I left mine at home."_

"Thank god he's okay. I was really worried."

" _Yeah, I assumed that…"_

There was a long silence between them. The last time the two of them spoke was at Ferid's apartment and it wasn't a pleasant conversation. It was still on Shinya's mind.

" _I wanted to apologize to you."_

Shinya's eyes widened. Did he mishear? Did Ferid apologized to him?

" _You were right about everything. About me acting selfish…I told Crowley everything."_

Shinya smiled to himself. He was glad that his friend opened his eyes.

"I'm glad. And I'm sorry too, I said some rude things to you."

" _Stop it, I needed this to see the truth."_

Shinya smiled once again.

" _So…are we still friends?"_

"Of course we are. I told you that I'm angry at you but I won't leave you. How would I live without your 'sassy' comments?"

He heard Ferid's laugher.

" _I knew you can't live without me~. You know, after this, let's meet. I want to tell you everything….like you did before."_

"Yeah, I would like to know you better."

Shinya suddenly heard a knocking at his door and he looked curiously in their direction. It was early in the morning. Who would bother him on New Year?

"Hold on Ferid, I think a drunk neighbor is at my door."

" _Okay, I will call you later."_

"Yeah, Happy New Year, Ferid."

" _Yeah…Happy New Year, idiot."_

Shinya smiled once again looking at his phone and stood up. Someone was still knocking at his door and he went towards them.

"I swear if it's some kind of a prank I-"

When he opened the door he didn't saw a drunk neighbor but Guren. His eyes widened in shock. He was the last person he suspected to show at his doorstep.

"Guren," Shinya whispered, still not believing what he was seeing in front of him.

"Hi…Shinya."

Guren was standing in front of him, looking a bit shy and nervous. How did it come to this? He used to live with this man and now they were looking at each other like strangers.

But when Shinya saw Guren at his doorstep his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't do anything about it, he still loved Guren.

"What are you doing here?" Shinya asked after clearing his throat.

"I was trying to contact you but you didn't call back."

Oh, right. The note from Guren about calling him. Shinya wasn't brave enough to call him.

"I thought we were clear on the topic, or do you want to take your things? Then go on. But still, I can't believe you want to do this this early in the morning."

Guren sighed and finally looked at Shinya.

"I didn't came here for my things. I need to talk with you."

Shinya crossed his arm.

"Go on then."

"Maybe not in the corridor of our…your house."

Yes, because Guren wasn't living with him anymore. The reality hit Shinya once again and he took a few steps back so Guren could enter their… his apartment.

"I'm listening to you."

Guren tried to start the conversation but he had problems with finding the right words. He sighed and brushed his hair with his hand.

"You didn't listen to the whole story."

Shinya laughed bitterly.

"What was there to listen to? You lied to me Guren. You met her without telling me."

"Yeah, I know and I'm really sorry for not telling you about it."

"Well, your apology doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Like I said, I wasn't angry about your feelings towards her Guren. It was about our trust, which you betrayed."

"I get it Shinya, I fucked up!"

Guren raised his voice and Shinya bit his lip. He needed to stay strong in front of Guren. He needed to show him that he was over him, even if it was a lie.

"I went to meet her. She was texting me a lot and I tried to ignore her. I was still angry at her. What she did to me is still a fresh wound for me. After few days I gave up and replied to her asking what did she want. She asked me to meet with her. I wanted to refuse but then I realized that she would keep on nagging me if I refused, so I decided to meet with her."

Shinya was listening to him, trying to understand Guren's actions but still it wasn't a good explanation.

"I met with her at the café. I saw her. And then I realized something. I felt nothing. She was sitting there but I felt nothing, only the anger that she left me for someone else."

Shinya looked at Guren, a bit surprised, but he cleared his throat, trying to hide it.

"Well, then I'm glad that you're over her. But still you went to her like a dog without telling me."

Guren sighed.

"She wanted us to be together again. I didn't listen to her. Suddenly I saw a message on my phone. It was from you. You were asking me what do I want for dinner. I started thinking about it and I stopped listening to her."

Shinya squeezed his hands. What was Guren trying to say?

"Then I noticed that I didn't think about her anymore, even if she was sitting right in front of me. I was thinking about spending time with you. I realized that I was over her. She was nothing to me. So I stood up without even listening to the end of her story, and told her that she needed to find another naïve guy. I told her that it's over."

"But…Why didn't you tell me about it sooner, Guren,"Shinya said with his voice breaking.

"Why didn't you tell me about your feelings sooner, Shinya?"

Guren looked at him with concern, and Shinya avoided his eyes.

"Shinya, I was confused. I was confused about everything. You need to understand one thing here. I was only dating one girl throughout my whole life. Mahiru was my first and biggest love back then. But when she left me, you were beside me. You were important to me. At first you were only a friend to me, but then I realized you were more than that. But I was afraid. I didn't want to name that feeling, I was scared to admit it. But then you confessed."

A single tear dropped from Shinya's eye. He wanted to move on, forget about Guren, but what was he supposed to do after his words?

"I was shocked because you were in love with me the whole time and I was too blind to notice it. I was focused more on my complicated feelings towards you. When we were apart… I realized that I can't lose you."

"Guren, I can't be you friend anymore. Not after this," Shinya whispered.

"I don't want you to be my friend."

Shinya blinked and looked at Guren confused.

"I want you to be more than my friend. I was afraid to name that feeling but I know that it was…it is love. Shinya you're more than my friend. I love you."

Shinya couldn't hold his tears anymore.

"You're so stupid, Guren!" he said that while trying to calm his breathing.

Guren was immediately by his side and he hugged him. When Shinya felt Guren's scent he relaxed. Gosh, he missed it so much! That strong arms wrapped around him. He really tried to get over him, but now? It was impossible.

Guren loved him.

And Shinya loved Guren.

He couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Yeah, I know. In the end, both of us are idiots."

Shinya laughed but he sounded really hoarse because he was still crying.

"Shinya will you look at me?"

"No, I don't want you to see my face now."

"But I want to kiss you."

Shinya couldn't believe what he was hearing, so he looked at Guren in confusion. Guren smiled to him and wiped away the tears.

And then he kissed him.

It was a soft kiss, really short, as if Guren wasn't sure what he was doing, but when Shinya closed his eyes and relaxed, Guren grabbed him tighter and kissed him more passionately.

It was a long kiss and Shinya felt as if it was a dream. He was still crying but this time those were tears of joy.

He finally got what he wanted all this time.

When they parted they looked at each other. Shinya saw his reflection in Guren's eyes. Guren was blushing hard and Shinya probably was blushing too, but he smiled lightly.

"I'm really sorry, Shinya."

Shinya looked at him a little playfully.

"Well, let's say apologies accepted."

Guren breathed out and Shinya touched his cheek.

"Now, tell me. Who did that to your eye?"

Guren looked at him confused but then he groaned.

"Well, let's say that your best friend was really angry at me."

Shinya looked at him shocked and then he started laughing hard.

"Oh my god, I need to thank him for this."

"What?! You will thank him for what he did to my face? How do you think kids will react at school?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Guren, you deserved it!"

"Yeah, you are probably right."

Shinya was still laughing so Guren decided to shout his mouth with another kiss. Shinya was glad that Guren was holding him because he would have probably fainted otherwise.

He was finally happy.

––––––––

Ferid was walking slowly through the corridor. He wanted to give Crowley and his mother some time, so after his conversation with Shinya he went to the cafeteria and ordered a coffee, but even coffee didn't help him. He was still drowsy after a sleepless night.

He didn't sleep much as he was worried about Crowley, and watched over him for the whole time.

He was scared of what he will hear when he will enter his room. Ferid told Crowley everything but still, was it real? That wasn't a dream, right? Crowley won't leave him?

He opened the door slowly and noticed that Crowley was alone.

"Come here, Ferid. My mother is not here anymore."

Ferid nodded and closed the door. He went towards Crowley and sat at the chair near the bed.

"She surprised me."

"Well, not only you. I'm sorry for her words."

"Don't be. I was just…taken aback a bit."

Ferid cleared his throat and smiled a little.

"Did you tell her that we…broke up?"

Crowley sighed and shook his head.

"No, I didn't. She only knew that we had an argument."

"Shouldn't you say the truth to her?"

"What's the point? We're together now, right?"

Crowley took Ferid's hand and squeezed it. Ferid looked at him and he still couldn't believe that it was real. That he acknowledged his feelings.

It was still scary for him, but he decided to fight with this.

"Yes. Now she must accept me."

Crowley laughed a bit and winced a little. He was still wounded.

"Don't worry about it. She wanted to meet you since I told her about you for the first time. She was sad that you left us so quickly."

"I wanted to give you some space."

"Maybe next time then."

Ferid nodded and looked through the window. The sun was shining a little through the clouds.

"When I gave you my phone, I saw that I missed few calls from you."

Oh, right, the phone. Ferid took it away from his pocket and gave it to Crowley.

"Oh, that's not important anymore."

Crowley gave him that 'don't lie to me' look but Ferid smiled to him.

"I wanted to talk, we talked. Don't worry about it."

He didn't want to tell Crowley about him being pitiful at the club. He only hoped that he won't see Mikel anymore.

"Who did you call?"

"Oh, Shinya of course, he was worried."

Crowley smiled and then he saved his number in his phone.

"He doesn't need to be worried about me, I'm okay!"

He tried to lift his hand but winced in pain. Ferid laughed.

"Oh, yeah. You're in your best shape."

Ferid touched Crowley's cheek affectionately. He still thought it was a dream and didn't want to wake up from it, but when he felt the warm skin under his fingers he knew that it was real.

"You are tired Crowley, you should sleep."

"All right, but only if you will join me."

Ferid sighed.

"The nurse will be furious."

"She won't be. My mother told the doctor and nurse to leave us alone and she can be really scary sometimes, so I don't think they will bother us anytime soon."

Ferid shivered. He was really glad that Crowley's mom liked him because she was probably the first person who scared him.

"All right then, I will wait for you to fall asleep."

"Don't be stupid." Crowley moved a bit and pated a place beside him. "The bed is big."

"But you're wounded."

"So what? Should I beg you?"

"Nah, I prefer when you beg me in other situations."

Ferid sat at the end of the bed and then he lied down next to Crowley. Crowley wrapped his arms around Ferid and Ferid hugged him, avoiding the wound.

"Now I can sleep."

"Idiot." Ferid sighed.

For the first time he felt warm. He felt Crowley's scent, which he really missed.

For the past few days he avoided his bed at any cost because of this smell. But now, when he was in Crowley's arms, he was glad that he was surrounded by this scent. It reminded him that Crowley was real and that he was with him.

He wasn't lonely anymore.

Ferid knew that they still had a long way before them.

He was still himself, and even in Crowley's arms he wasn't sure what will happen to them in the future. He hoped that Crowley's words were true, that he won't leave him.

Because Ferid knew that he would not make the same mistake.

He will stay with Crowley.

"Ferid?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy New Year."

Ferid blinked confused.

"Oh, you're right. I forgot about it. Happy New Year to you too, Crowley~."

"Let's spend New Year's Eve next year in a different situation."

Ferid laughed.

"Yeah, we will go somewhere together."

It was a promise.

––––––––

So, that's it. The last chapter because next is epilouge.  
Also it's the longest chapter from this fic.  
A lot happened. We learned Ferid's whole past. Most of you guessed it was Saito who hurt him although I'm not sure if everyone suspected that he was Ferid's dad. I wanted to play a bit with canon because in canon Ferid calls Saito "papa" because Saito made him a vampire. I wanted to use it here and that's why Saito is Ferid's biological father here. I liked this idea because I felt like the fact that he was his actual dad and then he left him when Ferid was still young was better than making Saito as Ferid's old lover or something like that because Ferid in this fic is a young man so I felt like Saito's (as lover) leaving wouldn't be as tragic and painful as father's leaving. I hope you get what I wanted to say xD  
That chapter was also the hardest one to wrtite. It had a lot of emotions - sad and happy, but the saddest part was really hard to write (I'm always not sure about my writing when it comes to feelings because in my head they always look more emotionaly).  
But we also have fluff! I was in tears writing the CrowFeri hug and then when Guren and Shinya confessed their love. I know that their plot was a bit messy but I wanted to write something which was not written here I know Guren acted like an idiot sometimes but I hope you understand him a bit - that it was hard for him to accept the fact that he has a feelings for a man when the whole life he was into girls. But in the end he decided that it doesn't matter which gender is Shinya, he just love him the way he is.  
My favourite part was deffinitely Crowely's mom XD Did you like it? XD  
Okay, I'm talking too much XD  
Next one is epilouge and there wil be a looooooot of fluff. Seriously, the epilouge is one big fluff chapter (you guys deserve it after everything XD Writing this fic I didn't expect that some of you might cry XD SORRY!)  
Also I have two little surprises for you as well ;)  
See you next Thursday 3


	13. Chapter 13

**Epilogue**

 _The Sun's coming out but I'm feeling colder  
I can't wait 'til the drought is over_

––––––––

Ferid paid for the two coffees and then he left the café taking his order in the carrier bag. The snow was falling slowly and the sun was shining behinds the clouds. It was typical winter morning.

It was two weeks after Crowley's accident.

The policeman has been released from the hospital and now he was recovering in his flat. The wound was still aching but he was feeling better day by day, and it's not like it was a life threatening wound.

It was also two weeks after his conversation with Crowley.

Crowley now knew everything about him and it was a weird feeling. He never shared this much information with anyone. At the beginning he felt awkward but now everything was back like it used to be. Or it was even better.

They understood each other more and despite the fact that it was the first time being in a relationship for Ferid, he was getting used to it. To be honest, it wasn't so different from the time when they weren't officially in a relationship. Maybe Crowley was a bit more affectionate towards Ferid, but this time Ferid was getting used to this and he let him do things like morning kisses or cuddles.

He enjoyed that.

But that didn't mean that he still didn't have doubts.

Each time he woke up he thought that it was only a dream, but each time he saw Crowley near him he knew that it wasn't a dream but reality.

He was in a relationship with Crowley and Crowley loved him.

Ferid crossed the street and went towards Crowley's flat. It wasn't far from his workplace and he decided to pay him a visit. He was seeing him every day because Crowley was really bored being in his flat for the whole day because of the injury, and sometimes he stayed for the night but he couldn't do it every day. This situation was still new to him and he needed some time to himself too.

Apart from the fact that he told Crowley about his past, he also did the same thing with Shinya. Shinya deserved to know this as well because Hiiragi told him about himself, so now it was Ferid's turn. And well, they were friends. Acknowledging that was a strange thing for Ferid too, but who was he kidding, they were friends from the very beginning. Only Ferid was too much of a coward to admit it.

Shinya listened to him patiently and he wasn't angry that Ferid haven't told him earlier. The truth was that both of them were similar in so many aspects, and he was grateful that Ferid told him his story, because finally he could understand him better.

Speaking of Shinya, the white haired man surprised him as well.

 _They were sitting in their favorite café. Both of them were drinking their drinks and when Ferid finished his story Shinya looked at him._

" _I have news for you as well."_

 _Ferid looked at him curiously._

" _Go on."_

" _Well…Me and Guren, I don't know if you will be happy about this…but we are together."_

 _Ferid rolled his eyes._

" _I would like to say 'Wow! I'm so surprised! Good for you!' but you know my opinion."_

 _Shinya laughed nervously and then sighed._

" _Listen…He apologized…He said what he had wanted to say to me after my confession. He was right in some respects, I should have listened to his side of the story but I was so angry after-"_

" _Stop it right here. Like I told you, you had the right to be angry."_

 _Shinya cleared his throat._

" _But well, he said when he met her, he has realized that he was totally over her."_

" _What and idiot then, he should have said this earlier."_

 _Ferid took a sip of his coffee and Shinya smiled sadly._

" _In the end the truth is that we are both idiots because we went through all this trouble because of miscommunication. I want to try to be with him. We will have a lot of things to work on, but I want to give him a chance."_

 _Ferid sighed._

" _And…I want to ask you if you are okay with this."_

 _Ferid looked at Shinya a bit surprised._

" _If I'm okay with this? You know my opinion about him…but I know that you sincerely love him and if he will make you happy, then I will 'cheer for you' guys," Ferid said a bit ironically._

" _I'm not talking about this…I mean thank you but…You know, you had some kind of feelings for him and I'm quite an asshole for not asking about this earlier, but will you be okay with the fact that I'm with your ex crus-"_

 _Ferid waved his hand._

" _Oh stop it right here! If you think that I will be jealous or sad that you are with him, then you're wrong." He put his cup on the table and looked at Shinya seriously._

" _You heard my story few minutes ago. The story about Guren… I was hurt when he rejected me…but he wasn't the person who made me twisted. It was my dad and I used Guren's story as an excuse because I didn't want to talk about my dad. I forgot about him a long time ago."_

" _You know, I always thought that there is something missing in your story and I'm glad that you told me about your father. I'm happy that you did the same with Crowley. And the fact that it wasn't Guren…well, it would be so awkward."_

 _Ferid laughed._

" _Yeah, I think the same."_

" _But that doesn't change the fact that he acted like an idiot."_

" _Oh well, call me if he will do this again. I would love to punch him again."_

 _Ferid winked to Shinya and both of them laughed a bit._

Ferid felt better after this too. He opened up to another person who he could trust. He's really changed. Shinya told him it was for better, but Ferid still didn't know if he could agree with this. Only time will tell.

And he was happy that Shinya finally was happy as well. That man deserved this, and he only hoped that Guren will change and give all of his love to him.

Because if not, Guren knew that he would kill him.

 _Ferid couldn't believe that he agreed to this, but here he was. Sitting in the small café near the city center. He crossed his arms, looking bossy._

 _Because in front of him was Guren Ichinose._

" _Okay, will you tell me why the fuck did you call me?"_

 _Guren sighed and touched his neck nervously. His eye was okay and Ferid wished that the bruise would have stayed a bit longer._

" _I owe you an apology."_

 _Ferid laughed._

" _My, what a day. Is it the apocalypse? Guren Ichinose is apologizing to me, wait, how did you call me in high school? Oh, right! 'cocky asshole', now I remember! So what on earth happened? Are you dying?"_

 _Guren wanted to punch himself. Ferid smiled while looking at the confused man in front of him. Oh he loved irritating him._

" _I mean… I'm talking about the time you were at our flat. I said some mean things to you and told you that you are selfish."_

" _Yeah, I remember that, thanks for reminding me, asshole."_

" _But you helped Shinya and I truly deserved that punch from you. So I'm sorry for my words…and for the past…"_

 _Ferid rolled his eyes and winced._

" _Seriously stop talking or I'm gonna puke. What was in the past stays in the past. We are different people right now. I'm glad that you are a teacher but please don't remind me of the past. You acted like an asshole but I wasn't the nicest person on Earth in high school."_

" _Well, I wouldn't call you 'cocky asshole' without a reason." Guren joked and Ferid send him a death smile._

" _What did you say, you overgrown idiot?"_

 _Guren cleared his throat and Ferid smiled once again._

" _Anyway I know about you and Shinya."_

 _Guren muttered under his nose something like 'of course'._

" _So my advice is that you should try to be nice but not for me but for that man because he deserves it, and in my opinion you don't deserve him but as you two are 'so in love' then remember one thing. You will hurt him and you won't end up only with one bruised eye."_

 _The tone of Ferid's voice changed and he glowered at Guren. The man in front of him shivered but nodded._

" _So my job here is done, good luck Ichinose, and try not to fuck this up because well, 'I still don't like you'."_

 _Hearing this words Guren smiled a bit and shook his head._

Ferid slowly opened the door to Crowley's flat without knocking. He texted Eusford earlier that he will visit him before his work.

"Crowley?" he asked, and Ferid immediately saw Crowley in the kitchen.

"Ferid! You're here!"

Crowley smiled to him cheerfully and Ferid returned his smile but then he frowned.

"What the hell are you doing?! You should be lying in the bed!"

"Oh, stop it, I feel better and I wanted to make a breakfast. You want some?"

"No, I ate at home. I bought you coffee."

Ferid took one of the cups of coffee from his carrier bag and handed it to Crowley who sniffed at the drink.

"My favorite, thank you!"

He came towards Ferid and kissed him on the cheek. This small gestures were still weird for Ferid but he was getting used to them as well.

"But I think you should really go back to bed. If you wanted breakfast I could have bought you something."

Crowley shook his head and he was back at making his scrambled eggs.

"Lying in bed for the whole day is really boring, I needed a break."

"But you haven't healed yet."

"Alright, I surrender!" Crowley laughed, and Ferid only sighed.

"But only if you will join me."

Ferid smiled to himself.

"Crowley, I have work today~."

Crowley once again went towards him and he put his hands on Ferid's hips, pulling him a little bit towards himself. Ferid looked into his eyes and smirked.

"Well, then maybe after work?"

He leaned towards Ferid, kissing him lightly on the lips but Ferid wanted to play as well, so he put his arms around Crowley's neck and kissed him more passionately.

They kissed a lot lately but each kiss was fascinating and passionate to Ferid, and he was never bored of them.

Ferid tasted Crowley's lips and when they parted he still had his arms wrapped around Crowley's neck. He smirked at him.

"I believe that your breakfast is burning."

Crowley's face went blank and he turned quickly, parting with Ferid.

"Oh, shit!"

Ferid laughed and shook his head.

"Well, what is this? Aren't you the best cook?" Ferid joked, and Crowley sighed.

"Oh, I'm sorry that I was distracted by some handsome guy who is standing in my kitchen looking at me with this seductive look."

Crowley was such a flirt sometimes. Ferid wanted to spend more time with him but he looked at the clock in the kitchen.

"As much as I enjoy bantering with you, I need to go to work. I will see you later. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, my mom will came later."

Ferid shuddered. Crowley's mom was a really kind woman. And that was the problem because she was sometimes too kind. She really wanted to get to know Ferid better and that was too awkward for Ferid. So he did everything to avoid this woman. It's not like he didn't like her but he needed some time to get used to her.

"Oh, say hi to her then."

Crowley looked at him and he scratched his back.

"Well, I know that you still didn't get used to her and she is, well, too excited about you, but she really wants to meet you, so I thought that maybe I will invite her next week to a dinner…and that you will come as well."

 _Oh god, please no_ , Ferid thought. But Crowley was looking at him with this look, almost like he was begging and he knew how important his mom was to him. Well, he should be grateful that Ms Eusford accepted him and that she was an open-minded person. He sighed, he owed this to Crowley.

"Alright, let's eat dinner. But I really must go now."

He went to Crowley and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"See you later then."

Crowley winked to him and Ferid left his flat. He was already late for his work and he only wished that Krul wouldn't be so angry about this.

During his walk he wondered how to survive the next week dinner with Crowley's mom but he wasn't a coward. He could do it.

"Look who is late for work." He was immediately greeted by Chess, and he smiled to her.

"Oh, Chess, good to see you too!"

"I wouldn't be so cheerful, Krul will kill you."

"Oh, so she's at work?" Ferid took off his coat and started walking towards the staff room.

"No, but you know, one word from me and you will spend your break in her office."

"Oh, Chess, I really like that you take care of my time but I would like to not spend my time there."

"So, tell me, why are you late this time?"

She smiled to him, looking for another way to irritate him, but Ferid was in such a good mood that he decided to play a little with her.

"Oh, I don't know if you are mature enough to know this, honey~."

She went red and then she tried to smile again.

"Oh! So you are meeting someone again. Another 'one week' relationship?"

He stopped for a moment and he smiled a little to himself. He turned around and looked at her, smiling.

"Actually, I was visiting my boyfriend."

He wasn't a coward anymore. He was in a relationship and there was no point of denying or hiding it.

He only regretted that he didn't take a photo of Chess' face because it was priceless.

––––––––

Guren groaned, slowly opening his eyes.

He was immediately met with the sight of white, messy hair next to him. He blinked few times and then he smiled to himself.

Lately it was a common sight for him.

After his confession the things with Shinya started to get better. It was a little awkward for him at the beginning, but Shinya was a really understanding person and he decided that they should take things slowly.

Hugging and kissing was the begging. They also started sleeping together.

Sex was still off the table for Guren but he knew that one day he will sleep with Shinya. He just wasn't ready yet, but Shinya understood.

That guy really had an angelic patience with him and sometimes Guren felt really guilty about this. So he decided to make Shinya as happy as he could.

Shinya shifted near him and Guren buried his nose in his white hair.

Today he had a day off because the kids started their winter break at school, so he could sleep a little longer and he knew that Shinya needed this as well.

Because yesterday they talked a lot.

Shinya told him everything and Guren wanted to punch himself for not noticing earlier that this guy didn't have much money. Because every money he earned from his hard work went to Tenri Hiiragi just so Shinya could be free from Hiiragi's power. That was ridiculous because he wasn't free at all. He was still their slave and money machine.

The fact that they didn't even tell him how much he needed to pay them was ridiculous as well, but Guren knew that they shouldn't mess with Hiiragi family.

So he decided to do the only thing he could.

To share Shinya's debt and pay with his money as well.

Of course Shinya was against it because it was his debt and his money, but Guren had enough of it. So he spoke from his heart.

" _It is your debt but now you're not alone. You are mine as well and what is yours is mine as well. That's why I will pay this debt with you, because you're sharing your freedom with me and you belong to me now."_

After this words Shinya started crying and he cried till morning. Guren didn't blame him for this. He was the stupidest person on earth for not noticing his feelings and problems, so that was at least one thing that he could do for Shinya. And he really meant what he said. Shinya was his now and he took their relationship seriously.

He was in love with Shinya and he meant it.

He kissed Shinya's head and then the white haired man opened his eyes slowly.

"Good morning," he mumbled, and Guren smiled to him.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty, finally awake?"

Shinya laughed. Guren really loved his laugh.

"Yeah, I hope it's not too late."

"It's not midday yet, so you are lucky. Besides you needed it."

Shinya slowly changed his position and now he was looking at Guren.

"Well, last night was a bit…tiring."

Guren touched his cheek and brushed his hair from his face.

"But I'm glad that you told me everything."

Shinya smiled to him and leaned to kiss him quickly on the lips.

"So what do you want for breakfast?"

That was such a simply question but it made Guren smile because it was so domestic.

"Well, I simply want you."

"What?!"

Shinya's face was priceless because he went bright red and looked shocked. Guren leaned towards him and just kissed him on the lips. Shinya moaned quietly and then Guren, being on top of him, started tickling him.

"Guren! You traitor!"

Shinya couldn't stop laughing and Guren knew where his weak spots were. Hearing Shinya's laugh made his heart beat faster and he himself was laughing with Shinya as well.

Things will get better, he knew that.

He fucked up but now it was his job to make things better and to make Shinya the happiest man. They were taking their relationship slowly but soon he will be able to give all of his love to Shinya.

"I love you, Guren," Shinya said to him, lying under him blushing, and looking at him with a smile.

Guren couldn't want more in his life.

"I love you too, Shinya."

And then he kissed him again.

––––––––

Crowley felt like it was days until Ferid was back at his flat. Of course he had company of his mother earlier, but she wasn't Ferid.

Being injured really sucked but at least it wasn't that bad and it was slowly healing.

When Ferid opened the door he smiled to him and waved from the couch. He didn't want to get scolded again like the last time for not resting, so he was lying on the couch, watching TV.

"Someone is finally resting."

"Well it's not like I'm doing it for days."

"You wouldn't have to do it if you haven't been so reckless."

"Oh, look who said that. Don't you remember our first meeting?"

Ferid went towards Crowley and smiled to him.

"Good to see you again, Crowley."

"Oh, come here." Crowley took Ferid's hand and pulled Ferid towards himself on the couch. Ferid was a bit surprised as he lost his balance and ended up on Crowley.

"What are you doing, silly?! You are still injured, I could have hurt you."

"I know what I'm doing, but thanks for worrying. I wanted to hug you."

"You could have done it in a different way," Ferid sighed, but he relaxed a bit lying next to Crowley on the couch.

"So how was work?"

"As usual, Chess was irritating, Krul was angry at everyone, René was silent, and we had some new books. But at least there was no shooting."

Crowley laughed at that.

"Well, that's good."

"And you?"

"Mom came, we talked, she made a dinner. Nothing special. But she asked about you and she was very happy about our dinner." Hearing Ferid sighing, Crowley touched his lilac hair and stroked them. "Are you really okay with this?"

"Well, I'm still not used to this but I can't avoid her all the time. I need to get used to her, and during the day I was thinking about it. It's time to stop being a coward, and a dinner with your mom is a good beginning."

Crowley smiled at this and buried his nose in Ferid's hair.

"I'm glad then, that you're making progress with yourself. You don't have to make things quickly, but the fact that you are working on it makes me really happy."

Ferid got up a bit to look into Crowley's eyes.

"You said that. I… It might take some time for me… to get used to everything…but I will someday."

Crowley nodded and then he kissed Ferid.

"I missed your lips."

"Silly, we kissed this morning, are you having an amnesia as well?~"

"You know what I'm talking about. It's been three days."

"You greedy man, just admit that you like when I'm making love to you."

"Well, I said once that I love having you on top of me."

"I know this but when will I get my prize, huh?"

Ferid sat and crossed his arms looking at him with a smirk.

"But you said that I'm wounded and I need to heal. Don't worry, when I will be back to shape you won't be able to walk for a week."

Ferid started laughing loudly, looking at him amused.

"Oh my, Crowley~! I didn't know that you have this side as well! Fine then, I will remember your promise!"

And then he leaned to kiss Crowley passionately. He bit his lip a little, smiling, and then slowly started kissing Crowley's jawline, moving to his neck where he started licking Crowley's favorite spot.

Crowley moaned quietly and he quickly put his hands under Ferid's sweater. He felt warm and he was breathing quickly. He stroked Ferid's back and pulled him closer to himself.

Ferid moved once again to Crowley's lips and he sucked at them a little. Crowley felt his heart beating fast. Gosh, Ferid was an amazing kisser and he really missed their passionate kisses, even if the last time they did it was only three days ago. He doubted he will ever get bored of his kisses.

Ferid slowly helped him with taking his shirt off and he took his sweater off as well. Crowley stared at Ferid's bare chest because he adored looking at his naked body. This slender silhouette, yet a bit well-toned, was making him want to kiss every spot on Ferid's body. He put his hands on Ferid's hips and smiled to him. Crowley knew that Ferid was admiring the view as well. He knew that he had nice body.

Ferid leaned once again to kiss him slowly then he went to his chest, and started playing with his nipples. Crowley put his hands in Ferid's hair, making them into a mess. He loved Ferid with his hair in a mess, especially when they were wet and a bit curly.

When Ferid was near his belt Crowley stopped him.

Ferid looked at him a bit taken aback.

"What?"

"Shouldn't we go to the bedroom?"

"Seriously? You're telling me this now? No way, we're doing it here."

"But Ferid, it's a couch. My mom sits on it."

"And now you killed the mood, congratulations."

But Crowley didn't wait. He stood up and took Ferid in his arms. Ferid was really surprised and the look on his face made Crowley laugh.

"Wait?! What the hell are you doing?! You are injured you moron!"

"You're not heavy."

"What that's supposed to mean?! That doesn't change anything! Put me down!"

Crowley took him to the bedroom and then put him on the bed.

"As you wish."

"What was that?! Hey, don't smile like that! I thought that I should be in charge today!"

"You know what, I feel better and I changed my mind."

"Wha-?!"

But Ferid didn't finish because Crowley closed his mouth with a passionate kiss and Ferid only moaned. Crowley pushed him down and, being on top of him, he immediately started taking off Ferid's pants. He wasn't patient this time.

Ferid put his arms around his neck and Crowley smiled. What he liked in their relationship was how equal they were. They liked to switch and that made their relationship even more interesting.

Crowley kissed Ferid's neck and then nibbled at his ear. Ferid moaned. Oh, he found another weak spot.

"I love you," he said to Ferid, touching his hair affectionately. Ferid smiled to him, with his face flushed.

"I know."

Ferid still haven't told him that he loved him. But Crowley was okay with this because he knew that Ferid had feelings for him. He was just afraid to say them out loud.

But the look on Ferid's face was enough for him for now. Ferid said to him that he can't respond to his confession but it was only for now. He was working on himself and Crowley knew that one day he will tell him this out loud. But for now the look, the smile and the affectionate touch on Crowley's cheek, were evidence that Ferid loved him as well.

Crowley knew that Ferid won't leave him now. He was getting used to their relationship and Crowley saw that he was happy about this and he cared about their relationship. Being with him for the past two weeks showed Crowley that Ferid really cared about him. When he was lying in the hospital, injured, Ferid was visiting him every day, and even now when he was finally back home Ferid kept on doing that, bringing him books or coffee or other things.

Crowley knew that they have a chance to build a strong relationship. The question was if Ferid could really forget about his past.

Because Ferid told him about his problems. He told him about his father.

But he still had daddy issues and Crowley was scared that one day his father might be back and he hoped that it won't break their relationship. Because he really loved Ferid and he wanted their relationship to work out.

But for now they were happy together and Crowley smiled to himself.

"So, are you ready?"

"Oh, just shut up and do what you have to! I'm not patient!"

Crowley laughed and kissed him again.

––––––––

 _Hello?_

 _..._

 _It's me…_

 _I'm calling you again but this time, it's the last time._

 _I don't know why I did it for these past years. I was telling myself that maybe one day you will pick up your phone and answer me back….but you didn't._

 _You didn't leave a letter, not a single word…you just left me…_

 _All these years I was wondering, did you ever love me? Or was I just an entertainment for you for a moment…_

 _Did I make something wrong? Was I a disappointment for you?_

…

 _Why did you leave me dad?_

 _I was really trying to be the son you would be proud of, but yet you left me… like a dog being abandoned by his owner._

 _It was hard, being alone._

 _But that's the past._

 _I met someone._

 _It's a guy, we are together now…_

 _I can imagine your face right now when I'm telling you this but I think you always knew that I wasn't into girls. Was it this that disappointed you? I will probably never know…_

 _I don't know why you did this…but you messed me up dad._

 _Because of you I was afraid of every kind of relationship. Because of you I was scared that everyone will abandon me like you did. You left me alone and I isolated myself even more because of it._

 _But I'm working on this. I have a friend now and this guy… I'm still afraid to confess to him but I love him. I really do and one day I will tell him too. And I know he won't leave me like you did, dad._

 _That's why this is my last phone to you. I don't know if you ever listened to them but if you did then…_

 _I want to say goodbye. I want to leave you. I want you to be left in the past._

 _I need to move on and that's the first step I need to make._

 _I wish you a good life, dad._

 _Even if part of me hates you, part of me is still attached to you and that sucks._

 _Anyway, that's all._

… _._

The sound of the end of the call could be heard in the room.

The tall man with the dark hair was sitting in the chair, looking at his phone.

"What a rebellious son I have."

Saito smiled to himself.

––––––––

So that's it. The end of this story :D  
I feel...so weird. This fanfic was part of my life since September. At the begigning I wasn't sure if writing this would be a good idea but a lot of you left kudos here, and wrote comments, and for that  
THANK YOU GUYS! every comments made me smile like an idiot! I love you all!  
First is the cover for this fic that I drew. You can find it on my tumblr amikoroyai

Second, and I think the best one:  
This is not the end! Well, let me explain. Finishing this fic I left few things that I didn't include here and I thought that I will write few more oneshots from this AU but then I start thinking more... about what would happen if Saito came back. And I end up with almost whole plot. So yes, I have the idea for a sequel. The question is, are you interested in reading it? Would you like too see it? I feel like the sequel will be more focused on CrowFeri relationship and also more angstttt (just kidding XD) I have the main plot in my mind, I have the end and the beginning but I still have some plot holes in the middle (as always). Also if I would start writing it then probably I will post it after I will write half or more of the story because i prefer to write on my own, without deadline and then publish it weekly. So let's say I will post it in summer but I might post it even earlier but I don't want to give you false hope because life is life. Sometimes I wrote 2 chapters duiring one week, sometimes it was just one or none because I was busy. Give me the time because I want it to be even better than this!

Okay I talk a lot. Also if you open chapter 1 again - the words at the begining are from Ferid phonecall to Saito. I think the epilouge made it clear :D

So I'm waiting for your opinions and see you next time!


End file.
